My friend Amanda shared a theory with me shortly after my oldest was born.
It seems like a pretty solid theory: Why every woman should have at least four kids...
If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad - an only child growing up without a playmate.
If you have two kids, then you're just like everyone else. And no one feels sorry for you.
Your house is a mess? It shouldn't be - you only have two kids. Get it together!
Your kids are acting like crazy people at the grocery store? Eye rolls and judgement - you only have two kids - control them.
You never lost your extra 100 pounds of pregnancy weight? COME ON - you only have two kids, fatty!!
If you have three kids, then you have a middle child. And you never want to have a middle child. (Think of the therapy bills!)
But if you have four kids, then you have a free pass for everything.
You look like hell? Of course you do - you have four kids!
You weigh 800 pounds? Hell yes you do - you have four children!
Your house is a mess? Yes, it is - and we have some volunteers scheduled to come help you clean it and do some laundry too.
Your kids are running around like terrorists at the grocery store? Honey, you have your hands full. You take your kids right on out to the car, and I'll pay for your groceries and deliver them to you. Poor thing.
And that is why YOU should have four children.
As for me - I felt like two kids was a lot. And three kids feels like a lot too.
And every time I think that maybe a fourth wouldn't be so bad, I snag my varicose vein on the coffee table and remember why I'm never going to be pregnant again. Ever.
So I'm just fine having a middle child, thank you very much.
P. says
Love it! Or you can do what I did and have one kid and then have twins. Poof, no middle child problem. And you get the automatic pass because: "OMG- you have twins? and an older one? You poor thing..." 😉
WomenSuck says
Lol, having Children is your big accomplishment in life, just like 99% of other Women in this world. Well congratulations! Keep being shameful Non-factors while the men invent and govern the world, y'know, the important stuff, Not getting a Nut busted in them because that's all they're good for. Low intelligence is directly correlated to the amount of breeding a person does, so people with more than 2 kids are actually proven to be Morons, as evidenced by the amount of "I have 4 kids" posts on here, and lo and behold, upon further inspection of their profile, their occupation is "stay at home Mom".
Elona says
Wow. Someone has their panties in a twist! Seriously? This blog is just being funny!
And really, we become non-entities because we have kids? And I have low intelligence? Huh. Guess my 140 IQ is just not enough. Darn. I guess I'll stop trying to make a difference in my community now. No more point. And, of course, I'll just quit trying to do my best to educate my sons and make them into caring, productive citizens. And my brother that has won awards in programming? Guess it doesn't count because he has 5 siblings.
Geez WOMENSUCK, get your head out of your....
WomenSuck says
You mad??
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Ellen @ lighthisfire says
hehe very funny, i have 3 kids and they do the same sometime. :'D
Kaye says
I do not know one person who gets along with their siblings. My own sibling and I have just recently stopped trying to kill each other. Our mom had to hide the knives when we were kids.
Siblings can be great, but not always. If I wanted to be a mother, I would have one and only one.
Kaye says
"If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad – an only child growing up without a playmate."
I don't know about you, but I had these people called FRIENDS who were my playmates when I was growing up. My sibling and I were enemies, not playmates.
Kate says
GOLD!! LOVED the article!!
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Shelly @ Twinpossible says
That's funny even if it's not all true..from other people's eyes most of it probobly IS true. I remember looking a woman with like 4 kids as less than a woman with just twins. OMG...how does she do THAT? Now I'm like, ''Ok, it's two kids. Now I know that.'' Takes awhile to get to that point.
We don't all look like hell but we all feel like we look like hell. Some can be on #1 and have that feeling. I don't pesonally buy the Jan Brady crap even if there happens to be some science behind it. (Perhaps?) It's how parents treat the kids throughout their lives. If you neglect the middle one I see how that could happen.
I got the hands full just when out with the twins not including my two others and people would always hold doors and help me out and I was like thinking to myself 'these are sleeping infants. No crazy, loud, obnoxious older children around. I'm doing GREAT! Big kids in school, little ones actually seated in a stroller. But if you wanna help, go for it, lol.'
It seemed like the tougher (older) the twins got the pass got less and less. Now when I need the comments and help I get none of it really. (Weird.) I get the looks that I tried to never give other moms before I had kids, but maybe did just a little bit. Sleeping newborns vs. insane toddlers???!!! I still don't get it. REWIND..REWIND, LOL.
Anyhow, this is a great article just because it's totally hilarious and will make many moms laugh (and some think to.)
Oh and I always thought about OMG I can't have one child...no BFF. I have one brother. Same as being same as being an only child, sadly. You just don't know how that is gonna turn out :/. Parents have to decide the right number for their family together..as a couple, as a team and just go with it. You can make it work whether 1 child or 6. Every family has the potential to be a very happy one.
A good read.
xoxo
http://www.twinpossible.com/blog
Shelly @ Twinpossible says
I feel ya.
Michelle says
how do you think women feel who can't even have one kid. I've tried and preyed for years for just one, count yourself lucky and stop flaunting your fertility . like this a lot of us can't have any.
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Emily says
Hi just wondering if anybody has the same problem as me ! I have six children already , 16year old ,14year old , 4 year old , one year old and just has twin girls four months ago , I've just found out I'm pregnant again I'm so confused and scared what people will think if I decide to keep the baby .how will I cope . Such a tough decision . Please help .
Sharla says
Lol I wish it really worked that way. We went for our third and got two at once so we never had a chance. 🙂
Nata says
don't worry, God will bless you with what you need, only worry about what He thinks, no one else.
Nata says
Also, I have six children and love each equally, there is no such thing as enough love for one, it increases every time we give love to someone especially our children.
India says
I have four children. 3,2,1,5months. I have no sitter, no one helps me, we live in a state with no family very close. My house is clean, I cook diner most nights, and baths r a must. We all go to the store, my youngest strapped to me, two n the cart, my oldest walking.. We get stares but never for bad behavior lol. Four is the number where ppl say " we'll u shldnt have had that many" " u knew what u were getting" " of course ur tired but so what I had them" there is NO magic number.. Ppl talk shit no matter how good or bad u and ur family r
Earthmama says
I just saw this post. So freaking funny! im currently expecting my 4th and I love this! Made me laugh
Emily says
So true , thankyou
Natalie says
I was leaving a comment on another blog, then saw this on the sidebar, i had to click it.. i shared it half way thru with my friends with 4 kids on facebook.. I have 4 kids, 9, 6, 2 & 4 months.. WTH was I thinking.. I blame my husband, lol.. I would share this with my mom, but she has 5 kids, with me in the middle.. haha
This is awesome..
Melinda says
My sister was a middle child for years. She survived without therapy. 🙂 (However, she is the meanest child my mom ever had.....but mom says that's my fault. Me torment my sister? NEVER .....) My mother-in-law had four children. And so did my mom, eventually. My youngest sister is 5, and I am 18. She was a surprise. I was also once the oldest child and now I am the oldest middle of....6. Yes, we all lived in the same household and drove my mother totally bonkers. The joys of a blended family. 😉
MotherOf4 says
Um... tacky slam at people with 4 kids. Nobody feels sorry for me... EVER. Nobody buys my groceries for me and nobody ever volunteers to clean my house. I wish they did! I chose to have all of them and I homeschool them. I have a close friend that has EIGHT and homeschools them. If that intimidates you, then grow up and get over yourself. Don't publish your insecurities online. Sheesh. I don't judge other mothers. We all have different personalities with different circumstances. No room for judgment. Please consider others next time you choose to share your thoughts. Thank you. That's all.
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brandy says
I was sitting here thinking about how I've got so much to do and how in the world am I suppose to get it done with three children...I feel so ashamed after reading that some have four, five, and one even had eleven. I promise I will never complain again, and I'll just go ahead and set up a savings account for the future therapy bills my middle child will have. 🙂
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Bethany Bauer says
I have four. Kids, I mean. Maybe I need to clarify that. Probably not, because most people have more brains than I do, at this point. But, you can have brains or children. Not both. Even better, in July I will have five children. My oldest will turn SIX in June. Five babies in six years. See? I told you I have no brains. I will still have a middle child, too.
But she won't get therapy. There won't be any money for hers; it'll all be used up on mine.
Michelle says
I have four: 9,6,4 and 5 months. The "you have your hands full" comment I mostly don't like because of how my children might hear it: "I'm sorry you have so many kids" "Having that many kids looks like no fun" "Those kids look like a burden to you," etc. I certainly don't have my life totally together, but I don't feel like my kids are a burden. Unless it's 7pm and I'm tired and they all want to sit on my lap at the same time 🙂 Even then, though, it's a pretty happy burden. I probably wouldn't respond with "better full than empty" but I wish I had a response along the lines of "I'm glad I have four kids" so my kids would hear it and know it.
Linsee Thomas says
This is so funny!! I love the humor...I have two kids as of now, wanting four...debating if I should just stick to three. But when I read this, it made me really want to have four kids! lol