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Why Everyone {Except Me} Should Have at Least Four Kids

My friend Amanda shared a theory with me shortly after my oldest was born.

Find out why having at least four kids is the best strategy for parents.

It seems like a pretty solid theory: Why every woman should have at least four kids…

If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad – an only child growing up without a playmate.

If you have two kids, then you’re just like everyone else. And no one feels sorry for you.

Your house is a mess? It shouldn’t be – you only have two kids. Get it together!

Your kids are acting like crazy people at the grocery store? Eye rolls and judgement – you only have two kids – control them.

You never lost your extra 100 pounds of pregnancy weight? COME ON – you only have two kids, fatty!!

If you have three kids, then you have a middle child. And you never want to have a middle child. (Think of the therapy bills!)

But if you have four kids, then you have a free pass for everything.

You look like hell? Of course you do – you have four kids!

You weigh 800 pounds? Hell yes you do – you have four children!

Your house is a mess? Yes, it is – and we have some volunteers scheduled to come help you clean it and do some laundry too.

Your kids are running around like terrorists at the grocery store? Honey, you have your hands full. You take your kids right on out to the car, and I’ll pay for your groceries and deliver them to you. Poor thing.

And that is why YOU should have four children.

As for me – I felt like two kids was a lot. And three kids feels like a lot too.

And every time I think that maybe a fourth wouldn’t be so bad, I snag my varicose vein on the coffee table and remember why I’m never going to be pregnant again. Ever.

So I’m just fine having a middle child, thank you very much.

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  1. Bite your tongue girl!!!! Oh hell to the NO!!! I look like all hell with only 3 of them kids! Thanks for the laugh Anna xxx

  2. I thought ONE was too many for ME – especially by the time she was a … gasp … dreaded teenager. EEEEEKS! But I do loooooove KIDS. At school. At THEIR homes. LOL! YOURS, Lil’ Anna? I love those cuties ALL the time! Four, tho’? All I can think is – FOUR TEENS? Where’s my noose? Help me up on the chair!

  3. Loretta Porter says:

    Yeah, I’m fine with the therapy bills of having a middle child…probably cheaper than 3 years of diapers anyway! 😉

  4. Hey! I have four kids! And here I was beating myself up everyday over all of this! haha. Does it count if one of them is almost 20? The other three are 5 and under…Do I still get a pass? And what Kai said, so true. I am DREADING the day when all three of my girls are teens. O.M.G. I don’t know how I’m going to survive!

  5. Hate to break it too you, but it doesn’t exactly work that way. LOL! I have five kids, & people expect me to have it all it all together all the time. I must be so organized I have five kids, I have to be. I have been told that it is not a free pass. I have been told the magic number for getting some slack cut is 6.. hmmmm…. so close, maybe I should…. or maybe I will just keep fake cleaning my house & pretending I do have it all together! That seems way easier. LOL!

  6. My thoughts exactly! I HAD two, then suprise I had my little guy and wham-bam I had a middle child. 3 is good. 3 is real good.

  7. I agree Jen – I have 7. Sometimes people are SO rude in their stares and eye-rolling, but then you get the sweet comments and encouragement as well. In all reality, I do not have my family because I am looking for approval (or disapproval) from the general public. These kids were given to me and they are mine to take care of – agree or disagree with my operation, that’s ok. It’s my life and I love it!

  8. Too funny! I am one of 5 and every statement rings true! Great post.

  9. We have seven and have gotten so many wonderful comments from people. I think it’s because we live in a small area and so many people know us. At many of the places we frequent, people refer to us as “our family”. We really love how receptive people have been. As for getting a break, ha! Everyone seems to think that I am totally organized and have it all together. I never know whether I should tell them the truth or not. I am sooo disorganized! But working on it every day.

  10. Running around the grocery store like terrorist!! LMAO!! Beautifully put.

  11. The little boy has really panic in his eyes. What a cutie !

  12. Finally, someone understand why I want four kids! I just wasn’t sure how to put it. LMAO… The funny thing is, my mom and dad had ten of us, and my mom says it wasn’t easy until she had five, then we left her the hell alone and took all the little ones with us. Why she even still associates with us after all the stuff we broke, I’ll never know.

  13. Love the part about varicous vein!

  14. Reminds me of a person I worked with once. Any time there was a task at work that she didn’t want to do, her excuse was “but, I have four kids”. In her case that had nothing to do with what was going on at work, but I guess she had really made that her go to excuse for other areas of life (and it was probably valid in many of those cases away from this job).

  15. HA! My boy by himself was a lot! It took me 3 full years to even work up the courage to think of another one. So now I have two. The whole middle child thing sorted itself out when I got divorced and my kids got themselves a brother from another mother. Now there are three and I only have to raise two. They are going to need therapy anyway, with me as their mother. Winning!!!

  16. I have 4 and I get NO sympathy at the grocery store, but, I do have people give me sympathetic looks as I buy my weekly case of wine. 😉 This was fantastic.

  17. Great points!!! Buuuuut… No. I thought one kid was so difficult that I had to be talked into #2. And screw the people at the supermarket who think I should have control over my kids. I would love to see them spend one day with my daughter. All would be forgiven, for sure. Imagine if I had four kids, all like her! Yikes! I would need to be institutionalized, for sure.

    Very funny stuff, though!

  18. I love that — leaving Mom alone and taking the little ones along. I do get some mileage out of that strategy, though… “Mom, can we play video games if we keep the boys in the room and make sure they all get turns and you won’t see or hear us AT ALL?”

    The problem is that having four isn’t an excuse for ANYTHING compared to my friends who have six.

  19. I have four children, therefore I have no worries. Right? Thanks for the laugh. ;o)

  20. I am planning to have one kid only when I will be having my own family. I want to give everything for my only kid.

  21. Saw you on Home Stories A to Z linkup. Hilarious!

  22. That’s absolutely right, Paula! Go ahead – eat that donut – you deserve it!!!

  23. HA! That’s awesome! But it sounds like your kids are too well behaved at the grocery store. I’m sure if one starts peeing in the corner, you’ll get at least one person that offers to buy you your groceries. Don’t you think?

  24. I’m pretty sure everyone will need therapy at some point, right? Luckily my mother is a counselor, so I should get free visits for the kids…

  25. Well – now you know that it’s all totally legit. She can’t make the copies because she has FOUR kids! She can’t do her share of the work because she has FOUR kids! I mean – for real – she can’t… 🙂

  26. Yes – each pet counts as half a child. So – if you have 8 pets, it counts as 4 children – and you can weigh at least 800 pounds! Sound good?

  27. Thank you Traci. It happens more often than I’d like to admit…

  28. Having four kids means having big family. It is nice to have four kids yet I think I must consider if I can give good living with my four kids and I can survive of having many kids. Honestly, I just want to have two kids.

  29. God damn the snagalicious varicose vein! (Bwahahaha! LOVE IT!)

    I’m with you. Two was great. Loved having two. God decided I need one more chance to (attempt to) get it right and Bucket Head was spawned. But there is NO WAY I am doing that again. Three is my magic number.

  30. Too funny! Found you at Somday Crafts – and I am now your newest follower 🙂

  31. Hilarious! I shared it with all my crazy friends who have 4+ kids. Maybe they’ll find it funny…I have two myself. And you’re right, NO ONE feels sorry for me. Boo!

  32. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

  33. Awesome! I have 4 pets and two kids, so that means I just made it into the 4 Kids Club without actually having to go through pregnancy and childbirth again. PHWEW!

  34. I have 7 children under 10. That was funny!

    I’ve made going to the store a priviledge. They get to go to the store one on one with me only if they behave. Otherwise, they can stay home with dad. We take turns. Misbehavior makes you miss a turn.

    And I often shop by myself.

    I started doing that after I had 3 children and the youngest was about 16 months old. He decided to drop the eggs out of the egg carton onto the floor while I was paying for our groceries.

    After that I started shopping alone!

  35. Your middle is the opposite sex so that negates all the middle child therapy stuff. Plus, if you were to have a fourth, it might be a boy and heaven knows Alice doesn’t need yet another male influence, right? These are all the reasons I justify stopping at three. Three is good.

  36. Funny how the dads look the same no matter what – love this piece!

  37. I only have ONE kid and I feel like THAT is a lot! AND my house is always a mess. Great post, however you have not convinced me that four is an optimal number of offspring. One is good for now. We’ll see what happens when I forget how horrible childbirth was. The memory is too fresh in my mind to even begin to think about reproducing again.

  38. Now that i have two kids, I will never, EVER wonder why someone’s house is a mess. Or their two kids are running all over.

    But you know what, I still want three. Or four. And I also have varicose veins. (They were one of the things no one tells you…)

  39. Bahahahaha!!!! I LOVE THIS!!! I have four crazy boys and I looooove using it as an excuse sometimes (ok, most times) LOL!! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂 Have a great weekend!

    ~Jen @ YummyHealthyEasy.blogspot.com

  40. Kristin Bergholtz says:

    Great Post! I had a good laugh and let my husband read as well as I am trying to convince him to have a third, even though two is taking its toll on us!

  41. I have four boys. FOUR. The oldest has Asperger’s syndrome, and the second has ADHD (like me). Most people that see me with my kids don’t immediately see that I have 4 (even if they’re all with me) because they are all over the place. I call them to me and all anyone can ever say is “Oh my, you have YOUR hands full!”
    I finally came up with a good response for that one though: “Better full than empty”.
    People often ask me if I’m going to try again for a girl. I tell them, “Heck NO! I couldn’t handle another boy!”
    I love my 4 boys, but having any amount of kids (especially if any of them are under the age of 5) is exhausting – in every way possible. Especially mentally. If you have more than one kid under the age of 5 for each one the exhaustion goes up exponentially – from a base of 1 million!! And if any of them have special needs just add infinity for each child.
    Would I get a free pass if I had any girls? Probably not. But with 4 boys I almost do qualify for everything you posted about… except I don’t weight 800 pounds… yet. I’ll work on that. (haha!) And while I’ve been helped out to the car more times than I can count no one (except my poor husband) has ever offered to pay for my groceries. That said I have sent people to the store for me because I cannot bear the thought of taking all 4 boys with me (can you say panic attack?), but I do reimburse them. And swear my eternal gratitude.
    And for the rare few who are brave enough to watch ALL FOUR of my kids for me occasionally? To those, they have my undying love and admiration.
    I know you posted this tongue-in-cheek, but seriously I wish some people knew just how much I struggle some days.

  42. Hilarious!! Laugh Out Load post for sure. Thanks for the laugh.

  43. I have four children and not by choice! My hubby and I were both from three and I always thought I would do that until #4! I have three girls and a baby boy. I love them but most times I’m extremely frustrated! Just would love help on how to enjoy the chaos! I’m struggling! Wanting to be a better parent

  44. Too funny! Or you can just do what I did and have twins and another. Bam! No middle child. And don’t you dare tell the twin that was born 2 minutes later that she is a middle child! I find if you bunch your kids together (3 in a year and a half) you get a free pass too. I am still working the hands full bit and my oldest just turned 4. Pinning this to give other moms a laugh.

  45. Cute!! I have four kids each 2yrs apart – yes house is mess, main wardrobe is yoga pants and t-shirts but I must say that is just cosmetic, “small stuff”. I am so happy we had 4 – we were done with 3 so I am no longer washing his underwear with mine!!! 😉 I must say things have been easier with the 4 as they pair up, stick together when someone is in trouble and always seem to make life interesting!

  46. Adhartnett says:

    I have four kids and I get a lot of pity but really 4 is no harder than 2. But since we live in a city I get an even mix of aww you have four kids and oh you have four kids (followed by a you farmer look). I am blessed and live a happy chaotic life!

  47. Christy Crist says:

    I have four kids and went back to school when my youngest (twins) were four months old. I tried really hard not to use my kids as excuses. I had to laugh though in a class I was in who had a woman who had three kids and was “that mom” She could only take certain parts of group work cuz’ she had 3 kids. She could finish a paper cuz she had three kids. One day, a member of her group found out that I had four kids. She gaped at me and then elbowed the other mom and said, ” ENOUGH! You need you get your biz together, there goes your excuse!”

  48. I have four…and love it! I would have more (if my husband wouldn’t run away! Hee-hee!) I get rude comments ALL the time…and I also think there is an expectation to have it all together, all the time. People constantly say, “Oh my! You have your hands full!!!” My reply? “Sure do, but my heart is even fuller!”

  49. I also have 4 boys under 6 and I LOVE all the wide eyes when people we find out we have 4…and then the looks of pity when they find out they’re all boys 🙂 We love it though and wouldn’t have it any other way! And, we totally have the “take your brother with you” rule!!

  50. I love it! Further evidence why our plan for 4 is brilliant. Thanks for this! 🙂

  51. I always wanted four kids so everyone had a partner to ride roller coasters with….

  52. Lol, I have 4 – the oldest has just turned 6 (and has Aspergers) and the youngest is 10 months. I also have two dogs (and various small furry animals). It is TOTALLY an excuse for letting it all go – I get let off all sorts of committee meetings etc. No one ever expects me to get anything done (which is good) and if I actually get round to putting some makeup on in the morning, I am greeted on the school run by people telling me I am looking fabulous today. I highly recommend it 🙂

  53. I have 5 under 6 and one on the way. So yes, that’s almost one a year. Many people think we’re crazy…or mormons. I’d like to think we’re not the first and I know we’re not the second. We just wanted a big family. Sometimes I envy those parents of one or two kids…life would be so different…or maybe so -the same-. Which is why we have 5 (going on 6). We didn’t choose to have life ‘the same’. Therefore, it’s always different. Always a challenge. But wow…I can tell you, when I hear people complain with one or two about how life is so ‘tough’, I really have to bite my tongue 😉 Also, I am sick of people making sarcastic comments about ‘wow..you have 5 kids? WHY?’ or some people’s ignorant looks or reactions when I tell them how many kids I have, like somehow it’s a bad thing.

    Pretty much, every little one of my 5 (going on 6) souls is a character and an individual and I’m blessed to be their Mom.

  54. Good for you Amy Lynn. I have 5 (going on 6) and I can empathize with the stares, comments, etc. People feel it is their place to judge and that is so wrong.

  55. Oh my word this is hilarious. There is no freaking way I am ever going to be pregnant again either! 3 in 3 years is just fine by me too…And I have 3 BOYS!!! Ahhh!!! We do plan on adopting though 🙂

  56. This is a hilarious post. Thanks for making me laugh after the day I’ve had. I currently have two, thinking about a third. My husband would pass out if I mention a fourth!

  57. Well, from a mom of four, all I can say is this: my youngest is the only person who’s not a spaz (including me, our 2 kids with ADHD, the labrador retriever and two cats). She was totally worth it! 🙂

  58. HAH! I made the mistake of taking things too far and had six. So it was back to “judgments from the peanut gallery” for me. At six its TOO MANY KIDS! But I gotta love ’em, and honestly, the sixth one came 4 years after the fifth and so once again we are back to having a kid that doesn’t have a playmate. Bad planning. Now she’s 10 and she wants a puppy.

  59. I have five kids. Mine were well behaved, and I didn’t get help, or a free pass…

  60. One flaw with this idea, if EVERYONE had 4 kids 4 would become the new 2… and we would be right back where we started with no excuses… lol. I do want 4 kids though… now to convince my husband 🙂

  61. VERY true. I am a middle child, and because of my novelty as the only girl, I never had an issue with being ignored!

  62. Shantelle, if you want to give everything for your only kid, then you should seriously consider giving him or her siblings! The gift that keeps on giving. After all, who else is going to help shoulder the load when mom needs round-the-clock nursing care in her old age? 🙂

  63. Well, I have six boys, so I guess that gives me enough free passes to last for a few lifetimes, right? Although, in all honestly, they have been way easier to raise than my 3 daughters. However, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Each one of them is a blessing and a joy. For those who say their one is difficult enough, I’d love to encourage them to be open to having more. When I only had one, she took up ALL my time – I could barely manage to cook, to clean, to shower, and when I went out I needed to bring a huge diaper bag stuffed to the gills. Now that I have nine, my friends comment that they rarely get to see my baby because I leave her home with her older siblings so much when I go out. And when I do bring her, it’s often just with a spare diaper and a little travel-pack of wipes. My kids all have chores that theoretically would keep the house clean if they ever all did them at the same time, they always have someone to play with/go to the movies with/go on a bike ride with, AND we have excuses to have birthday cake at least 11 times a year.

    Nine . . . it’s the new four. 😉

  64. Sharon, you are an inspiration. I can also totally relate.
    What ages are your kids?

  65. Thanks, Lara. 🙂
    My oldest 6 are 11-21 – spaced pretty much every 2 years. Then our little “caboose” which turned into a whole second train, lol! They are 6, 3.5, and nearly 2. Oh, and I’d also like to encourage those with little ones that if you raise them right (which is NOT to say “perfectly” as I am FAR from perfect) you will hopefully have wonderful teens/young adults who you will actually enjoy spending time with – and as a bonus, if you have a large family they will be accustomed to young children and likely be better equipped to be parents themselves some day.

  66. I had surprise #3 and #4. They were twins and I got pregnant on the Depo Shot. Then I had #5 and hope to add one more or 2 if it’s twins again. But all i really wanted in the beginning was 2, a boy and a girl. Still waiting for my baby girl. lol

  67. Sharon, totally agree! Did you find it difficult raising the first 6, being so close in age? I’m finding that a challenge at the moment as mine are all basically 1 year apart, with the oldest being 6 (and I’m pregnant with our 6th)…

  68. Yay. . . I have 4. I can go relax now. HAHAHAHA

  69. If you have 4, then you can have 2 girls and 2 boys. You can name the girls Stacy and Narnia, and then you could be Stacy’s mom. Every time you buy something for Narnia, you can say, “FOR NARNIA!!” Then you can have a boy and name him Luke, and your husband can say “Luke, I am your father.” You can name your last boy Sparta, and when you introduce him to people, you can announce, “THIS! IS! SPARTA!”

  70. That is hillarious! We have two right now and thinking about a third! LOL..now we will see!

  71. haha, hilarious. Worth the read 😀

  72. Kelly Bosso says:

    “If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad – an only child growing up without a playmate.”

    Wow. Thanks for making my secondary infertility hurt that much worse.

    I’ve got news for you, my family of three (just me, hubby and son) are closer than your family will EVER be. I know this for a fact because we have kids over regularly, and when they leave I realize that I wouldn’t even KNOW my son if I divided my time with him. Only children are more likely to succeed, less likey to do drugs and are HAPPIER. PROVEN. THEY DID A FREAKIN SCIENTIFIC STUDY.

    So get off your righteous, fertile, happy, high horse and don’t ever belittle an only child again.

  73. Kelly Bosso says:

    OK, I just read the rest of your article and now I feel like a giant idiot. I’m sorry, I’m very touchy, having a very bad morning especially with the only child stuff…if you can’t tell.

    I didn’t read the rest of your article intially because I have learned to shield myself from anything that talks about multiple children. I’m really sorry, if I sound like a sad, jaded, ready-to-crumble at any moment loser, it’s because I am 🙁

  74. Not really, Lara – but I think there’s a huge difference between the kids being two years apart and having them every year! By the time my 6th was born, I had an 8yo and a 10yo – kids that age can be tremendous helps! They can change diapers, feed babies, help with baths, take kids out to play, entertain the little ones quite well, etc. Granted, we’re talking about a period I went through a decade ago, and my memories are pretty fuzzy by now (perhaps with a tinge of rose to them), but I do recall my husband and I saying often that once you’ve had 3 (and are outnumbered, lol) then having more doesn’t really change a whole lot.
    That being said, there ARE a few downsides to having such a large family, and they mostly relate to travel. We can’t stay in any less than 2 – and for most hotels, 3 – rooms. We can’t take the whole family on a tour of an interesting place we might want to visit, because guided tours tend to cost $15-25 per person. It’s difficult to walk in certain restaurants near dinner time and expect to get seats together (not to mention the cost). We still manage to do some traveling, and have a marvelous time generally; it just costs more and takes a bit more pre-planning.
    Wow – I don’t know how I got so off-topic. It’s after 1 a.m. and I’m starting to fall asleep, which apparently gives my brain the go-ahead to blather on about nothing. Sorry, all. Off to bed!!

  75. mostly funny post! i say mostly because that varicose vein thing…ummm, yeah, i’m gonna have nightmares after reading that. 🙂

  76. There is so much wonderful, honest truth in this! Funny! I love it.

  77. Hey! Four is the new three. :0) I didn’t think I wanted 4 kids until my husband’s vasectomy failed (a year after it was done :/) and I found myself POAS (pee’ing on a stick). That little home pregnancy test practically shot out balloons, streamers and ticker tape parade, it was so positively positive I was pregnant. With number 4. A week after I’d given away the last of the baby clothes. And the crib. Yeah. That’s how I roll around here.

    My house is a complete and utter wreck (adding a giant dog and two spastic kittens to our household may not have been the best idea…), I go without makeup more days than I care to think about, someone’s always having a melt down of some sort when we’re out in public and my vehicle is sticky, full of sand and left over school papers. It’s mass chaos at it’s best around here most of the time, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My four kids are awesome, especially that surprise fourth one. He came with designer genes and let me tell you, he’s rocking the hell out of that extra 21st chromosome. Life is good. No, it’s better than good. It is AMAZING. And we are truly blessed.

  78. Oh Wow! I love your response to full hands! I hear that so often with my four. My youngest has pseudo-prune belly syndrome and therefore usually has a catheter bag and feeding tube attached to him. Everyone’s really curious about his condition and pity me even more because of it, but now I have a really good comeback. Thanks!

  79. Amanda shade says:

    As a mother of four I say to you “you are a wise woman!”, although there’s inseperable commradarie with mom friends in the trenches of “4 or more” to ease the load, all of us know how impossible it is to do it alone!

  80. I have you beat: 7 kids in 12 years. I love being a mom, but sadly all my kiddies have flown the nest. I just started blogging and that helps to fill the void. I will tell my daughters about your blog. Keep up the good blogs, I will be back.

  81. Jacqui Snelgar says:

    I have 4 kids and ended up with 2 “middle” children, doing my head in at the moment…lol but I do love it and wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

  82. Elona Rohde says:

    Oh my! I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (you might know me as a “Mormon” and I have 4 boys, but not because I’m a Mormon. I had 4 boys for the same reason you had 5 and are going for the sixth. I came from a big family and I LOVED it! There was always someone to play with. My husband came from being practically an only child (brother is 10 years older) and wanted our kids to have closer siblings.
    For those that give you the “WHY?” or the look, just realize that for them, it probably would be a bad thing. They just don’t understand the joy we get from it. I guess they only see the some time frustration that we have.
    Good on ya honey!

  83. Elona Rohde says:

    That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!! I really did laugh until I got tears. I think you could add one more girl and name her charity. Then whenever you wanted an excuse for an extravagance you could claim it was “for Charity”.

  84. Elona Rohde says:

    Oh Kelly, my heart is breaking for you. It is hard to be infertile on the 2nd, or 3rd, or any number when you do want another. I struggled to get number 3 – for FOUR years. No one really understood that ache I had because I already had 2 beautiful sons.
    I’m glad you are loving your son. It can be hard to count your blessings when you feel like you are missing some others. But it sounds like you have an awesome child. I truly hope your dreams come true – and hopefully sooner rather that later.

  85. Hi Anna, I understand how you feel and I just loved your blog on having four kids….I am a mother of four beautiful kids and had almost considered having one or two more, but health wise, four is enough (15, 14,8 &7) and I’ll be visiting your site and blog and other pages alot more. Good luck and have a wonderful weekend.

  86. Hahahaha! This is actually kind of true! I have 4 kiddies and have been told I have a free pass. “Oh, she can’t serve on the (insert school function/fundraiser/committee here)! She’s busy enough as it is with 4 kids. Poor thing.” And I take full advantage of it! 😉

  87. Phew:), I’ve got 4 so I am homefree:). This is hilarious and made me smile, thanks for posting!

  88. I’d love to have 4 kids. Well, I have 4 children total but only one living. I guess this is funny to women who don’t struggle with recurrent baby loss but not all of us with small families have them by choice.

  89. Read this post and it made me appreciate my mom that much more. my mom pretty much defied this theory in every way. She had 4 kids in 6 years. (had one of us every 2 years haha) she’s going on 50, looks fantastic, is stylish, works out at least 5 times a week, keeps a completely clean house (well actually 3 clean houses) and i have to say i think we were all pretty well behaved kids. hope I can be half the mom my mom is! superwoman. dont think i got her organization though.

  90. My dear, YOU are the next Erma Bombeck! I (with my 2 children) salute you!

  91. I am proud to say that i’m the child of a woman who had four kids, she is in the right weight, beautiful woman, the house was always clean growing up, and she was never embarrassed to be with us in the grocery store because she knew how to teach us the right way 🙂 my mom is a superhero!!!!!!

  92. Lol. I have 4 but never get a pass but this was very funny. My older two are well behaved but my younger two have some “discipline” problems in other words they want it their way OR ELSE but we’re working on it. Even though my husband works out of state for two weeks at a time and I’m solo. I still don’t get a pass. 🙂

  93. Don’t stop at Three! The fourth baby is the cruise baby because the oldest is now old enough to help. From the fourth on, the rest is just cream. I speak from experience, we have seven.

  94. Do you ladies with 3 or more kids work full outside of your home? (besides as a mom 🙂 ) and if so does your husband work or stay home or travel for work? I just want to see how others do it since we are bouncing around the idea of a fourth. Im guessing with Four most have to stay home since daycare is outrageous. Insight please:-)

  95. Emily Dingley says:

    I am currently pregnant with our 4th child and just read this post. I laughed so hard I had trouble not soiling myself! I was freaking out a bit about #4 and reading this gave me the comic relief I desperately needed. Thank you!!!

  96. I have a 3 year old, a 22 month old and a 7 month old and I get crazy looks all the time! People can’t believe that I manage to go grocery shopping with all of them and keep a (moderately) clean house. And when I mention that I want more kids, well, you should just see the looks I get.

  97. Anastasia says:

    I have a 2 year old and a nine month old. I’m so totally good. NO MORE for me. Get my shit together? Uh huh, sure. I’ll get right on that. 🙂
    I really lol’d at the varicose veins comment, though. That’s how I feel exactly!

  98. OH MY WORD! LOL…pretty much sums it up!

  99. I have four. They don’t run around the grocery store like terrorists. And no one is paying for my groceries. I even have a blog I post on once in a while.
    It is all relative. But maybe this explains some of the rude comments people make when they count them up.

  100. Got 4 kids myself and most of what you said is real. Those 4 are my life…Thanks for the laugh.Totally can relate.

  101. Blaaahhhh…. try 7. Ages 13-2 and then give me a call. Lol

  102. Try having 7. LOL!

  103. haha. thanks! i am currently baking my 4th right now…

  104. I loved everything about this. She is so right! Fourth kid sets you over the edge. Never has a hairbow and clothes are a mess. You stop parenting so they act like a holy terror. They listen to and watch age inapropriate stuff because of their older siblings. They don’t get to do any mommy and me classes, and they are lucky to go to the park. Cuz I’ll cuss if I see another swing in my lifetime.

  105. I hate to break it to you, Jen, but there IS no magic number to get a free pass! I have 11 children ages 22, 21, 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, 9, 6, 4, and 8 months. I also have two grandchildren ages 3 and 4 months that live with us. Like Jen, I get the “you must be so organized” and the “I could never do that”. And like Amy Lynn, I get the rude stares and comments like “don’t you know what causes that?”, plus assumptions that I am irresponsible, that my kids all have different dads and that we’re on welfare (they’re all from the same dad and we’re not on welfare). We do get the occasional nice comment though. And, like Amy Lynn, we did not choose to have a large family for the approval or disapproval of others. We felt like we were and are doing what we are supposed to do..led by God’s hand. Anyway, I enjoyed the article and got a good chuckle out of it! I just wish someone would pay MY grocery bill!!

  106. This is great!! THANK YOU for the laugh! I only have two kids…I guess I have NO excuse! 🙂

  107. My parentseight kids (of which I am the oldest). My beautiful mother just lost 30 pounds, nearly bringing her back to her pre-pregnancy weight. (I’m 24 and we wear the same size jeans–6!) We never terrorized a grocery store (or any public establishment, for that matter) and because there were enough of us to help with chores, our house was always clean (though usually a bit cluttered). PARENTING WIN!!

  108. My parents had eight kids (of which I am the oldest). My beautiful mother just lost 30 pounds, nearly bringing her back to her pre-pregnancy weight. (I’m 24 and we wear the same size jeans–6!) We never terrorized a grocery store (or any public establishment, for that matter) and because there were enough of us to help with chores, our house was always clean (though usually a bit cluttered). PARENTING WIN!!

    All that being said, I’m pretty sure I won’t be half the mother she was, even if I only have two or three 😛

  109. Haha, sorry for the double comment. Feel free to delete the first one!

  110. I have 4 kids and I love it. No one calls me fat and everyone says “i don’t come to see your house.” Which is just the polite way of saying clean up all these toys and do the damn dishes!!

  111. HA! This is hilarious! I have 6 kids (5 boys and 1 girl) and can totally relate. Lucky for me, I have 3 olders (20, 17 and 15) and 3 youngers (8, 5 1/2 and 2 1/2), but that has its own challenges! The littles get me up at the crack of dawn and I stay up late, quite often, to have conversations with my olders, so I’m exhausted most of the time!

    I rarely take my 3 youngers to the grocery store by myself because as soon as we walk in, they all run in different directions and I’m usually chasing the 2 yr. old, trying to get her into the cart (which she hates and let’s everyone know it!). Luckily, my kids have learned how to have me paged. Whenever I hear, “Attention guests/customers…..”, I always know it’s for me. LOL. One time, when one of my boys was 6, they called me to the toy department, where I found my son standing there in full Buzz Lightyear gear and costume. Embarrassing much????

    We won’t even talk about the state of my house…..

  112. Cassie webster says:

    This mom of four is cracking up! You got it 100% right! Lol

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  114. According to the Birth Order Book, middle children typically are the most adjusted and need the least amount of therapy compared to first and last children! (spoken like a true middle child and a mother of three boys!)

  115. Tacckkymom says:

    For those that said these are true I would love to know where you live. I live in rural Kansas where most the time it is harder to find someone who is hostile. Yet I have four kids (12,10,7,and5) one of who is disabled and I never get help even after my daughter had brain surgery in January.

  116. NAveed Subhan says:

    The main reason why should have more than 2 kids is to allow the kids to have a choice of friends. With just two kids, if they don’t get along, they feel stuck, even after they are all grown up. With three kids. if you have 3 girls or three boys it is probably ok to stop, but otherwise the lonely boy or the lonely girl feels left out. So you should “try” to have a pair of girls and a pair of boys.
    and that is why you should have at least 4 kids.

  117. I have 3 with plans/ideas/delusions of a 4th, and I’m banking on all that pity, empathy and those free passes to make it work:)

  118. OMG I am dying over this post. You literally made me LOL. I just had one kid and I feel overwhelmed haha. Thanks for the laugh – you are a great writer!
    xo, Ashley

  119. ha! this is how i feel about having triplets! maybe i should have another…

  120. I actually disagree with this whole heartily. I have four children but for no? other reason than that was our decision. It wasn’t for the reasons listed on this page. It actually is insulting to myself and my husband to read this. You make it seems like people have four kids to basically sit around be fat and lazy and get handouts everywhere. You have no idea. One kid or four maybe more who cares. Yes it definitely is harder to control four as opposed to two at times but they all act the same. I have heard of people with one child being worse then my four and they are constantly correcting their child’s behavior. Every child has its moments society has gotten to the point of being beyond judgemental of parents. As far as I’m concerned any house with children is messy,if you actually allow them to play and be kids. Thats their home that should be the one place they can express themselves and not be judged. My house is not perfect nor is my car. My children are not always great but i expect them to be and teach them right from wrong and how to behave. My husband works and i stay home during the day to be available incase our severely asthmatic child needs me. We do side jobs on evenings and weekends. Seems like we never stop running. We live paycheck to paycheck,struggle with bills and such,but we NEVER expect handouts or people to pay for our groceries or anything else! We believe that you never get anywhere unless you honestly work for it. As for the “800lbs” comment….you can be a SAH mom,working mom, one or four kids even no kids and be over weight. Having children is no justification to weight. Nice way to stereotype. People should not be stereotyped/ judged by the amount of kids they have or how clean their house is. We never have people offer to pay for things for us nor do we ask. If its offered we kindly decline. Also the article said people are more willing to help with fours kids,WRONG again. I cant tell you how many times people stare point and make rude comment’s. I just want to smack people. We constantly hear”are they all yours”,”i bet you have your hands full”,”wow you guys had a lot of free time”,”you should have kept it in your pants”etc. Yes there are people who have many kids for other reason but not all people are like that. We chose to have four because we wanted a large close nit family like my husband came from. We did it for no one else or for any reason but our own. If this article was meant to be funny it’s not!

  121. I have four kids including two year old twins and I found this post, as well as every other post you write, hilarious! But then again, I’ve never felt the urge to “just want to smack people” either. My children make me happy and give me the much needed ability to laugh whenever I can.

  122. Ann, you sound very tired.

    This entire post is completely tongue-in-cheek humor. Not at all serious. Do you think she really thinks people will pay for a mom of 4’s groceries, or should? Do you really think she thinks moms of 4 should weigh 800 lbs? That’s called hyperbole, which means exaggeration, used in this case as a humor device to make a point. Here, her point is a lighthearted laugh about life with children.

    How did you get here? Are you lost from some very serious site? I hope you find your way back as this site is filled with general hilarity that you might find offensive. Or, alternatively, try lightening up a bit and see the humor in life. Either way, good luck.

  123. I thought it was hilarious actually.

  124. OMG Jennifer – I was tired before I even finished reading the ages of your kids. I just want to send you some tea and a book and a plane ticket for one to the Caribbean for a week. I have two girls (almost 13 and 9) and feel completely out of control on a daily basis. But 11? God bless you lady!! 😉

  125. I think this article was funny maybe its bc I have a sense of humor and don’t take everything in life so serious.

  126. Hey lady, it’s a blog.. not an article. It’s meant to be funny, not judge mental or stereotypical. And it was absolutely hilarious! Take a cue from your four kids, LAUGH, LIGHTEN UP, and ENJOY LIFE.

  127. 4 kids IS a lot. Unless you’re in Utah. Then it’s more like 6 or 8. :). ( I can say that. I’ve lived in Utah all my life)

  128. This was hysterical!!

  129. Take a pill and chill lady! Wow! The article is meant to be funny and it is! So sad when people don’t have a sense of humor and try to make others feel bad about having one. This is one of the first blogs I read and it honestly made me laugh and got me hooked into reading the other ones Anna writes. I look forward to them cause believe me when my 3 little ones are being the crazy little normal kids they are and things get a little ovwrwhelming, it’s so nice to escape from it all and read something light hearted that you can relate to and that will put a smile on your face.

  130. I thought it was hilarious!!! And I don’t mind having a middle child either 🙂

  131. People have to stop being so sensitive. I tried to get pregnant for 13 years. I struggled with people around me having kids and going to baby shower after baby shower. I was happy for them and at the same time wondering when it was going to happen for me?! Sometimes people would be so frustrated with their kids and say “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids” or “take mine”. I had to stop taking peoples words to heart. I realized that they were speaking in the moment and never meant it the way I took it. I have made the comment “you have your hands full” when I see people with a lot of kids… never meaning to offend or insult them. Seeing your comments on that topic I will try to never say it again. By the way I’m a proud mama to 2. We adopted my son when he was 2 months old (15 years old now) and I have a 10 year old daughter. When I found out I was pregnant with her I was 11 weeks along. My reason for writing this post is to say, you do what is best for you and don’t stress about the comments people make because I’m pretty sure MOST of the comments are not intended to hurt your feelings. Make the best of every moment you have with your family.

  132. Life is better with a sense of humor. . . and an understanding of punctuation and grammar. If more than 5 exclamation points are used and it’s not a political rant or written by a fourth grade girl, it’s generally meant to be funny. Hyperbole and all that.
    Funny post. Ellen

  133. After the birth of my daughter I became ill and was told not to have anymore children. It broke my heart to only have one but she is blessing and I’m so thankful for her. It’s a lot of pressure to be an only child. There’s no one to take the attention off her so she lives under a microscope. She and I very close and she says now that she likes being an only child. Still, if I could have had more, I don’t know where I would have stopped – I would probably have ended the poor harried woman everyone felt sorry for. Thanks for the laugh.

  134. My question is when did Ann have the time to even write all that?! Seems she is quite busy throwing herself a pity party, maybe someone will give her the gift of a sense of humor!
    Well played Anna!

  135. it is so easy to make comments in the heat of the moment without thinking, my brain is usually going in a million different directions and assume it’s the same for most mothers. The only comment that ever irked me a little was when a lady at Walmart looked at my cart full of kids and said “wow, think you have enough kids yet, maybe you need another one.” I just smiled and said, “well, there’s still room in the cart so… maybe.” I think you have to chalk it up more to intent rather than content, I doubt you’ve ever offended anyone, although I’ll definitely be more mindful of what I say around moms who’s history I don’t know.

  136. I am the mother of four, ages 16-25. Sixteen years ago, I took all four kids to WalMart (ages 6 mos – 9 years). Accidentally pooped in my pants, left the kids in the fabric department, ran to the restroom, handed a stranger a $10 bill under the stall door to buy me a new pair of underwear and fetch my kids, waited inside the stall with no underwear for 30 minutes, my kids were wailing and asking if we were still going to get Happy Meals at the in house McDonalds when I got my new underwear. (Answer: “Hell, to the no.”) I am awarding myself freaking “Mother of the Year” for the 25th year in a row.

    I suggest all of you moms award yourselves the same Mother of the Year award because being a mom is the greatest and the poopiest job there is. The proudest moments of my life were because of my kids and the most embarrasing moments of my life were because of my kids.

    Another great post Anna. Love reading your blog.

  137. i have 4….the transition from 3 to 4 was waaaaayyyyyy easier than going from 2 to 3….i say go for one more and put a band aid over your veins…..or get a different coffee table….lol

  138. I have this theory too, except my reason is I want all my kids to have a partner on amusement park rides. eh-em…. but I only have 3 and am very satisfied. 😉

  139. I found your blog on PIWTPITT’s community board. Love this! I am contemplating # 3, and I’ve had the same thoughts about middle child syndrome, but I kinda don’t care, still probably gonna do it. But 4 just seems batshit crazy. There’s 4 of us in my family. Yeah. Crazy.

  140. LOL!!! Mother of four here. I have always seen it like this: one child=big change in life but at least you can sometimes sleep when they do, IF they do (ours rarely did); child #2 less change to life, but also less sleep; child#3=no sleep but if you’re lucky the older ones will help a bit; child#4 very little change- you went over the edge at 3. So, if you can do 3 you can for sure do four and than get all the aforementioned benefits. 😉

    Btw, my kids are great and have survived to 17, 14, 11, and 7. I am a little worse for wear, but likely would have been anyway and even though I don’t use the ‘four kids excuse’, others use it for me, lol.

  141. This was great…just came across this post via Rachel at A Mom’s Life who recommended we read it. I have 3 kids, but thought long and hard about having a 4th. It never happened, so I say it was meant to be. I love these reasons for having a 4th though…too funny!

  142. Snagged your varicose vein-hahaha! Lol, I was propping my leg up when I read this. And I just want to thank you for the free pass-I do have four kids! Until I had that fourth I suffered many a scowl, but I only know two other people with four kids and we just share the knowing sigh of surrender. Totally worth the extra varicose vein.
    Don’t worry, I’ll pay it forward next time I see a Mom of 2 struggling in the store-I’ll help her with her groceries-I mean,make one of my kids help her, that’s why I had four right!?

  143. We have four ages 5,4,3 years and 16 months. The 4 yo is adopted. I get all the aftermentioned comments, but have great ones too. The librarian took pics of my kids all sitting in the little chairs reading last week…they comment all the time about how amazing my kids are. I love having a big family and feel like #5 will be exhausting but exciting at the same time. My kids love to help and are so sweet with little kiddos…no matter where we see them. Their personalities and the way they’ve been raised has made having a larger family a joy, albiet a tiring one sometimes, but so worth it!

  144. Thanks for a lighter look at a rather weighty issue, it sure made me laugh! As fun as it is to read, the sad part is the judging that goes on. Why is every woman made to feel she needs to justify her every decision – kids? no kids? lots of kids? full time job? stay at home? part time job? Yeesh – life is tough enough people! Let’s look around, decide that each of us in only in charge of our own life and move on! Everyone is happier that way!

    Since that’s not likely to happen overnight – my two friends and I once manged to take 8 kids under 5 yrs to the grocery store for a case lot sale. Oh the hilarity of watching other people react! It was hard to push the cart trying to contain my laughter! Keep your humor lenses on – it’s all much funnier than we see it!

  145. LOL – I totally thought this when we went to Disneyland!! Good to know I’m not alone. We have 4 but the youngest is a bit small yet for being a ride partner!

  146. Wow, after reading the other comments, I want to clarify that my comment above was to add to the topic, not criticize. I loved the post and laughed pretty darn hard! Thanks!!

  147. I have three kids, but the two first ones are twins. I guess it means I skipped the middle-one problem? Yes?

  148. I have 5 kids, four daughters: 9,6,4,and 6 months old.Then i have one son who is almost , i call them my little ducklings, and your wrong with 5 kids you have to have all your stuff together no matter what the circumstances are, you must be on time to every dr appt and other appts if not you get rescheduled no matter how hard it was to get the kids there by that time no one fees sorry for you. You must be organized with their school,after school activities and who’s friends birthday is, the picky eater trials, and the never ending temper tantrums, i wouldn’t trade anything for what i have now, but i do know that the more kids you have the harder it is to have 1 on 1 time with them without someone feeling left out. That feeling is the worst as a mom.

  149. Christina says:

    Hi I have 4 wonderful kids!!!! I feel like everything you said! Alot of the time people tell me…you have it so together…while it makes me feel good I am just glad they don’t follow me home!!!

  150. Christina says:

    mary…I am currently struggling with that..my girls are 9, 7, almost 3 and my son 1 on sunday I feel like I have no 1 on 1 time with the older and they tell me!!! Any hints??

  151. I have 5, my limit, and I will take any advantage (excuse) I can. LOL! I also thought I would always have 4 for the same reason, although I said “Two was too boring and everyone had 2 kids.”

  152. I am the proud mother of 7 teenagers. I love that there are so many comments about this post because it shows how mothering is the one thing we all have so much to say about. We can all relate in one way or another! If I could give any advice to y’all who have young children and are saying how much you are dreading their teens? Don’t go there. I’m saying, love your youngsters at every age, and let them hear you say how you are excited for all the years to come. If you doom them to be “dreadful teenagers”, most likely you are creating your own future. Teen years can be great! It’s all in your attitude, I truly believe that! Love what is 🙂

  153. Amen!! I love having teens, for so many reasons! 🙂

  154. I’m hoping this is a joke. Because I’m an only child and my childhood was not SAD at all. I had plenty of friends, cousins etc. etc. My husband is a middle child who turned out fine as well. We have two kids just like everyone else. Really sad that this judgement keeps going on.

  155. Christy LaPlante says:

    I really want 4 kids, but everyone thinks i’m crazy. Right now I am 22 without any. Maybe after I have the first one I won’t want more, but I doubt it. I absolutely loves kids. However, I’d want them to be apart by a few years at least. Is it possible to even have 4 in this world? I’m far from wealthy.

  156. Christy LaPlante says:

    So it is possible for me to afford 4 kids? I’m 22 and really want 4 kids…have none now.

  157. Christy, I know many, many families who have 4 or more, up to 14 kids. Most of them are on tight budgets, but none of them would want less children and more money. As long as you aren’t in the mindset that children have to have all kinds of “stuff” to be happy, you can most certainly raise a large family today without a lot of money.

  158. Christy LaPlante says:

    Thank you 🙂 I mean I’d want them to have stuff, but not a ton….there would be 4 so they’d have to share! I just wanted real mothers opinions! I don’t have any kids yet so just want to make sure 🙂

  159. you shouldn’t encourage women to be lazy and you shouldn’t encourage them to use their children to get help in life. no one gets or deserves a free pass. you make the bed you lie in. I found this post to be so overly pointless and ridiculously stupid.

  160. This is my exact reasoning! LOL I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this way! When I actually tell people my reasoning I get a mixture of crazy looks!
    I think this whole article is hilarious!

  161. I read this entire thing as sarcastic (in that way it was hilarious) but then the comments made me realize some people took it seriously. I hope no one had four children for any of these reasons- that’s incredibly selfish and idiotic. “Oh if I have a fourth child, no one will judge me?”- I guarantee you, people judge parenting ability no matter what your situation- or “Well the middle child will need therapy so let’s have a fourth to save money?”- hah? Have you seen college tuition bills?- I teach and I can tell you the happiest come from families whose parents are willing to devote a lot of time and attention to them. And I know a single, working (albeit from home) Dad who has four girls, and he’s got it more together than some couples with one child.

  162. Oh this is HILARIOUS!!! I just love those pictures!! And all your reasons just cracked me UP! What a great post! Stopping by from finding the funny link up!

  163. Found you from Kelley and Finding the Funny 🙂

    You’re pretty right on here. If you have 5 do you get a free pass for things like talking to yourself, singing out loud to your Backyardigans music on your iPod at the gym, or actually liking Barney?

  164. I have three. I would have gladly had more, but my husband who is actually from a large family, wasn’t in favor of my plan to have six. Some of the stories he has about life with so many kids are crazy!

  165. LOL I have 2 kids; one is 21 and one is 6. I spaced them apart so I only had to watch one at a time. 😀 Great idea about having 4…maybe in my next lifetime!

  166. I have 4 daughters (10, 9, 6 &6) I went from 2 to 4 without the middle child debate. While I love each of my girls, when people ask if the older two are twins I always feel my first reply to be “If I had twins first, I’d only have two kids”.

  167. hahahahahaha… too funnny and your logic is totally sound…. but no… i’ll be stopping at three and suffer the looks, the therapy and the rest…. 4 requires a nanny and a housekeeper… what i spend in therapy for middle child, i save on therapy for myself!!!!!

  168. Three was the hardest. Four was a breeze. Seriously. Five has been an adventure. There will not be a sixth for me!

  169. I have 5. #4 is the hardest of them all, and because he is 4 years younger he is always bored and I ended up with 2 kids with ‘middle child’ syndrome and 3 with “I’m the baby” syndrome, which #3 fills both roles. Poor kid.
    My advice, if you are going to have more than 3, have them close in age, or at least in pairs, not twins, just two close together, then a break, then two more.

  170. My 19 year old shared this post with me to bring a laugh to my day! She is second born of seven. Yes seven.

  171. Maybe it’s because I have one child, but I’ve never understood why some people with several children are bothered when others say “You have your hands full.” What am I missing here? It’s possible that it isn’t meant to be snarky, but simply an honest observation because you DO have your hands full! Heck, I feel like I have my hands full with one most days! Shooting back with “Better full than empty” can be truly hurtful… especially with instances of infertility and pregnancy loss becoming increasingly common (and, seems to me, that is exactly what you’d be referring to with such a comment). Yes, it may also be true–“better full than empty” for those who wish to have children–but definitely unnecessarily more cutting than the original comment, don’t you think?

  172. I guess “better full than empty” could be cutting, if I were saying it in a snarky manner, or sneered at the person saying it. It sounds like you are hurting a bit, and if that is true, I’m truly sorry for that. I have dealt with infertility. It’s hard for some to understand the ache for another kid when you already have 2, but I went 5 years waiting for my 3rd. I understand pregnancy loss, too. I will always wonder if that baby was my chance at a girl. I’ve lost a brother who was not yet 6 months. My best friend lost her 18-month-old to a choking accident. Several of my friends found themselves utterly unable to become pregnant and had to adopt. It was one of those friends who gave me this saying.
    So, to those who say, “YOU have your hands full,” no matter how THEY say it, I do smile, and am truly grateful when I give my reply. Most people who say it though are smiling at me, and generally my mother’s age as well. The follow-up comment they give is invariably, “enjoy it now. It goes so fast!”
    I am trying to enjoy it. That can be hard sometimes with four rambunctious boys, but it IS going very fast.

  173. Not hurting… but to share a little more of where I’m coming from, my husband and I decided against biological children (like, surgically) a long time ago and opted to adopt all of our children, so while we are hoping for a sibling for our daughter in the future, one is plenty for now. 🙂 Perhaps I am sensitive to how things come across to women who do not have children and/or are infertile because I know so many in that situation who are hurting deeply. Thank you for sharing a little more about your story and for clearing up some of my confusion. It sounds like you handle the exchange much more graciously than I originally gave you credit for. My apologies.

  174. Too funny. We have a combined ( yours, mine and ours) family with 6 kids. I get no sympathy but don’t want any either. I will say however that any kid after 3 is easy. They just hang out with each other and I get plenty of peace and quiet.

  175. So, so funny. I am one of 3 and my sister was the classic middle child! I have 3, but my daughter is pretty much the opposite of a middle child. But she’s sandwiched in between wild brothers!

  176. Very funny! I have five kids and never got an ounce of sympathy on any of those issues, if that makes you feel any better! LOL Three are adults now and two teenagers getting close. I’m still overweight, and my house is still a wreck. I still have no “me” time.
    But, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Except when I would 😉

  177. In reply to “you have your hands full”, I say, “yes, full of blessings!”

  178. OMG, love this!!! I have four boys and everything you said is so true!

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  180. Love it! Or you can do what I did and have one kid and then have twins. Poof, no middle child problem. And you get the automatic pass because: “OMG- you have twins? and an older one? You poor thing…” 😉

  181. WomenSuck says:

    Lol, having Children is your big accomplishment in life, just like 99% of other Women in this world. Well congratulations! Keep being shameful Non-factors while the men invent and govern the world, y’know, the important stuff, Not getting a Nut busted in them because that’s all they’re good for. Low intelligence is directly correlated to the amount of breeding a person does, so people with more than 2 kids are actually proven to be Morons, as evidenced by the amount of “I have 4 kids” posts on here, and lo and behold, upon further inspection of their profile, their occupation is “stay at home Mom”.

  182. Wow. Someone has their panties in a twist! Seriously? This blog is just being funny!
    And really, we become non-entities because we have kids? And I have low intelligence? Huh. Guess my 140 IQ is just not enough. Darn. I guess I’ll stop trying to make a difference in my community now. No more point. And, of course, I’ll just quit trying to do my best to educate my sons and make them into caring, productive citizens. And my brother that has won awards in programming? Guess it doesn’t count because he has 5 siblings.
    Geez WOMENSUCK, get your head out of your….

  183. WomenSuck says:

    You mad??

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  185. I do not know one person who gets along with their siblings. My own sibling and I have just recently stopped trying to kill each other. Our mom had to hide the knives when we were kids.

    Siblings can be great, but not always. If I wanted to be a mother, I would have one and only one.

  186. “If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad – an only child growing up without a playmate.”

    I don’t know about you, but I had these people called FRIENDS who were my playmates when I was growing up. My sibling and I were enemies, not playmates.

  187. GOLD!! LOVED the article!!

  188. That’s funny even if it’s not all true..from other people’s eyes most of it probobly IS true. I remember looking a woman with like 4 kids as less than a woman with just twins. OMG…how does she do THAT? Now I’m like, ”Ok, it’s two kids. Now I know that.” Takes awhile to get to that point.

    We don’t all look like hell but we all feel like we look like hell. Some can be on #1 and have that feeling. I don’t pesonally buy the Jan Brady crap even if there happens to be some science behind it. (Perhaps?) It’s how parents treat the kids throughout their lives. If you neglect the middle one I see how that could happen.

    I got the hands full just when out with the twins not including my two others and people would always hold doors and help me out and I was like thinking to myself ‘these are sleeping infants. No crazy, loud, obnoxious older children around. I’m doing GREAT! Big kids in school, little ones actually seated in a stroller. But if you wanna help, go for it, lol.’

    It seemed like the tougher (older) the twins got the pass got less and less. Now when I need the comments and help I get none of it really. (Weird.) I get the looks that I tried to never give other moms before I had kids, but maybe did just a little bit. Sleeping newborns vs. insane toddlers???!!! I still don’t get it. REWIND..REWIND, LOL.

    Anyhow, this is a great article just because it’s totally hilarious and will make many moms laugh (and some think to.)

    Oh and I always thought about OMG I can’t have one child…no BFF. I have one brother. Same as being same as being an only child, sadly. You just don’t know how that is gonna turn out :/. Parents have to decide the right number for their family together..as a couple, as a team and just go with it. You can make it work whether 1 child or 6. Every family has the potential to be a very happy one.

    A good read.



  189. how do you think women feel who can’t even have one kid. I’ve tried and preyed for years for just one, count yourself lucky and stop flaunting your fertility . like this a lot of us can’t have any.

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  192. Hi just wondering if anybody has the same problem as me ! I have six children already , 16year old ,14year old , 4 year old , one year old and just has twin girls four months ago , I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again I’m so confused and scared what people will think if I decide to keep the baby .how will I cope . Such a tough decision . Please help .

  193. Lol I wish it really worked that way. We went for our third and got two at once so we never had a chance. 🙂

  194. don’t worry, God will bless you with what you need, only worry about what He thinks, no one else.

  195. Also, I have six children and love each equally, there is no such thing as enough love for one, it increases every time we give love to someone especially our children.

  196. I have four children. 3,2,1,5months. I have no sitter, no one helps me, we live in a state with no family very close. My house is clean, I cook diner most nights, and baths r a must. We all go to the store, my youngest strapped to me, two n the cart, my oldest walking.. We get stares but never for bad behavior lol. Four is the number where ppl say ” we’ll u shldnt have had that many” ” u knew what u were getting” ” of course ur tired but so what I had them” there is NO magic number.. Ppl talk shit no matter how good or bad u and ur family r

  197. I just saw this post. So freaking funny! im currently expecting my 4th and I love this! Made me laugh

  198. So true , thankyou

  199. I was leaving a comment on another blog, then saw this on the sidebar, i had to click it.. i shared it half way thru with my friends with 4 kids on facebook.. I have 4 kids, 9, 6, 2 & 4 months.. WTH was I thinking.. I blame my husband, lol.. I would share this with my mom, but she has 5 kids, with me in the middle.. haha

    This is awesome..

  200. My sister was a middle child for years. She survived without therapy. 🙂 (However, she is the meanest child my mom ever had…..but mom says that’s my fault. Me torment my sister? NEVER …..) My mother-in-law had four children. And so did my mom, eventually. My youngest sister is 5, and I am 18. She was a surprise. I was also once the oldest child and now I am the oldest middle of….6. Yes, we all lived in the same household and drove my mother totally bonkers. The joys of a blended family. 😉

  201. MotherOf4 says:

    Um… tacky slam at people with 4 kids. Nobody feels sorry for me… EVER. Nobody buys my groceries for me and nobody ever volunteers to clean my house. I wish they did! I chose to have all of them and I homeschool them. I have a close friend that has EIGHT and homeschools them. If that intimidates you, then grow up and get over yourself. Don’t publish your insecurities online. Sheesh. I don’t judge other mothers. We all have different personalities with different circumstances. No room for judgment. Please consider others next time you choose to share your thoughts. Thank you. That’s all.

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  203. I was sitting here thinking about how I’ve got so much to do and how in the world am I suppose to get it done with three children…I feel so ashamed after reading that some have four, five, and one even had eleven. I promise I will never complain again, and I’ll just go ahead and set up a savings account for the future therapy bills my middle child will have. 🙂

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  205. Bethany Bauer says:

    I have four. Kids, I mean. Maybe I need to clarify that. Probably not, because most people have more brains than I do, at this point. But, you can have brains or children. Not both. Even better, in July I will have five children. My oldest will turn SIX in June. Five babies in six years. See? I told you I have no brains. I will still have a middle child, too.
    But she won’t get therapy. There won’t be any money for hers; it’ll all be used up on mine.

  206. I have four: 9,6,4 and 5 months. The “you have your hands full” comment I mostly don’t like because of how my children might hear it: “I’m sorry you have so many kids” “Having that many kids looks like no fun” “Those kids look like a burden to you,” etc. I certainly don’t have my life totally together, but I don’t feel like my kids are a burden. Unless it’s 7pm and I’m tired and they all want to sit on my lap at the same time 🙂 Even then, though, it’s a pretty happy burden. I probably wouldn’t respond with “better full than empty” but I wish I had a response along the lines of “I’m glad I have four kids” so my kids would hear it and know it.

  207. This is so funny!! I love the humor…I have two kids as of now, wanting four…debating if I should just stick to three. But when I read this, it made me really want to have four kids! lol

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