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13 Things NOT To Do When You Have PMS

13 Things NOT To Do When You Have PMS

Whether we’re getting the finger from a mom at preschool drop-off or we suffer from it ourselves, eventually – we’re all going to be affected by PMS.

Luckily, I have a handy list of 13 things you should avoid doing when you have PMS. Follow these rules, and you’ll have less stress and tears next month (I promise.)

1. DON’T update your FB status
If you find yourself posting things like:
Who else hates cats?
Click like if you think having kids totally RUINED your life
Anyone else feel like getting a divorce?
…then you might have PMS – and it might be time to log off for the next week.

2. DON’T ask your husband how you look
Really? You’re going to ask him this question? First of all, no matter what he says, he will be wrong. Secondly, honey, you have PMS.

You probably look like crap.

3. DON’T ask for a divorce
You didn’t listen to #2 did you?

I’m guessing that a lot of marriages come to an end during the time that a woman has PMS. If you still feel the same way a week later, then go ahead and divorce that deadbeat.

4. DON’T move
Really, you should just avoid all of the most stressful life events when you have PMS. Look at the calendar. Does your move line up with your worst time of the month? Move your move. Or else you will probably be dealing with #3.

5. DON’T get a haircut
I always want to cut off all my hair or become a blonde the week before my period. These types of decisions should be made during the middle weeks of your cycle.

6. DON’T do Parent/Teacher Conferences
Save everyone some tears – send your husband.

And – if you’re a teacher – call in sick. No need to scar poor Timmy’s parents just because you have PMS.

7. DON’T quit your job
You want to tell your boss where to shove it? You think you want to be a stay-at-home mom? All that may be good and true. But don’t make an impulse decision during the week before your period. Wait 10 days. Take a deep breath. And then decide how you want to move forward.

8. DON’T tell your Mother-in-law how you really feel
In fact, if your relationship isn’t the best to start with, you might want to avoid her for this entire week. If you do decide to tell your mother-in-law that you HATE her new sofa during the week before your period – don’t say I didn’t warn you.

9. DON’T watch Snapped
Enough said.

(And if you don’t know what Snapped is, then either you’ve never been pregnant, or you have missed out on one of the very best shows to watch when you’re pregnant. Google it.)

10. DON’T talk to your children. Or your husband. Or the neighbor.
Just take a week of silence. Everyone will be happier for it.

11. DON’T overdose…
On girl scout cookies and boxed wine. (Trust me, it’s bad).

12. DON’T redecorate.
You have no taste during this time of the month. If you are thinking that the little ducky wallpaper border with puppy dogs would look great in your bedroom, then you have my permission to do #9. Just walk away from the wallpaper border.

13. DON’T expect to get anything done.

What did I miss?

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  1. Suddenly you realize your husband’s breathing is the most annoying sound you’ve ever heard. Of course you have to tell him. You don’t just tell him, you rip his head off as he stands there, turning blue, trying not to breathe because you are actually scaring this grown man. At the time it all seems rational. After all he shouldn’t have to annoy you like that.

  2. I especially like the idea of a week of silence. Probably wouldn’t go over so well in my classroom….

  3. Breathing? Try eating. There is nothing more vile than listening to someone eat. And it seems there are certain times that he makes more noise than farm animals at the trough. Even if I’m eating, I can still hear it. It’s really a good thing that he can’t read my mind because I’d be in jail.

  4. Good advice! I will try to avoid all of those things this week. But, damn! Sometimes its so hard not to pick a fight when you really, really want to!

  5. Excellent advice. I guess I’m super, extra crazy when I have PMS. Really, I can’t be trusted to do anything. This month I ran my vegetable garden over with my lawn mower out of frustration at the proliferation of weeds and lack of tomatoes. I MOWED THE GARDEN!

  6. I’m not a nice morning person to begin with but I am literally the devil’s offspring when it’s that time of the month, and it’s early in the morning, and my husband wakes up shooting rainbows and unicorns out of his butt. Just the way he cheerfully says good morning can send me into borderline-this -woman-should-be-locked-up type of tantrum!

  7. Awesome list, now I just have to follow the rules!

  8. I call it Shark Week, my husband barely survives

  9. You should have sent me this list about 20 years ago! It would have saved me a lot of trouble. However I will pass it on to my daughter and possibly save others lives. Thank you. haha

  10. My husband’s sneezing sets me off. Seriously, does he have to yell while he sneezes? Really?

    The eating is annoying, too. GAH. I blast music while we’re eating and I have PMS so everyone leaves the table in one piece.

  11. You mowed the garden? That’s AWESOME. Next time you have PMS, can you come over and take care of the chipmunks destroying MY garden?

  12. “Just walk away from the wallpaper border.” LOL!

    Great list. I would add this: Let your kids watch as much TV as they want so you can yell at them as little as possible. 😉

  13. Awesome and true.
    My question- how long does PMS last? Because I tend to feel this why before, during and after.

  14. Great list! Here are my contributions:

    Avoid conversation and eye contact with strangers.
    Avoid long lines at Wal-Mart.
    Avoid over-crowded grocery store parking lots.
    Avoid all stores on Senior Citizen Discount Day.

    Actually, maybe spend PMS time doing some quality on-line shopping…mostly for shoes, since everything else will make you feel fat!

  15. How about don’t make any evening plans? When I have PMS, I can’t get dressed at all for a night out. I end up with a huge pile of discarded clothes on my bed, dripping in sweat and yelling at my husband that I am not going out. Which then leads to #3!

    Love this list- great stuff!

  16. The Red Tent is a novel about the women of Jacob’s tribe (Bible) in which they must, according to ancient law, retreat to a tent away from the tribe while they are menstuating (get it, “red”). I used to think this was a cruel the way the men wanted the women away during that time of the month. Now I think maybe those women erected that tent themselves for a break from the men and kids.

  17. Nailed it! And that picture of you in High School? PRICELESS. Actually, I love a good pixie cut, and you rocked it. It’s the fries in the nose that make me love you forever. (As if your GAP jeans story at In The Powder Room wasn’t enough.)

  18. I bow to your wisdom, Anna. How can I get this post to automatically pop up on my phone whenever I start PMSing? Is there an app for this? There should be–the calorie save on wine and Thin Mints would be a tremendous help alone, never mind avoiding unnecessary divorce and whatnot.

  19. Bwahaha! So to summarize, I should sit in a dark room with pillows, aromatherapy, wine, and chocolate and everything should be okay? Actually that probably isn’t enough precautions. Ellen

  20. My favorite was number one. I tried reading it to my husband but he could not understand me because of all the laughing. Very great tips.

  21. I’d add political news coverage. No matter what your politics. Also, wearing anything fitted. Both drive me to rage, even on a good day. Oh, and I agree with Lisa on avoiding anywhere with long lines. If someone tries to cut the line in front of me when I’m PMS-ing, I will cut them.

  22. I’ve learned never to go shopping for clothes, especially shoes. When under the influence of PMS, I am inexplicably drawn to the most garish styles, horrific colors, and bizarre fabrics I normally wouldn’t be in the same room with!

  23. Yes! You are a wise woman, Anna. As a follow-up to #5, do not attempt to cut your own hair. I have done this way too many times in my PMS-driven I-can’t-stand-my-bangs-for-another-second moments. It took me years to learn that if you don’t like your bangs, you should grow them out, not cut them, because guess what? They grow back.

  24. LMBO!!!!! 😀
    Only because I don’t have PMS today. This list is hilarious and true!
    I always say I should be sent to a deserted island that 5-7 day period.
    (no pun intended) No form of life should be near me! LOL!!
    I always wondered why I wanted a divorce every month……….

    Pam (non-blogger)

  25. LOVE! I just had the hair cutting conversation with my dd. During her period she wanted to cut her hair to her shoulders. I told her NO, you are not allowed to cut your hair when you have your period or you are pregnant. Those are the girls’ rules. Now that it’s done, she’d like a trim. 😉 I’d love for you to share this at the Pin Inspiration party! http://www.addhousewife.com/2012/08/pin-inspiration-party-48.html

  26. I truly need to just stay in bed because one of the symptoms I have to deal with is clumsiness. I’m already really clumsy but I’m even MORE clumsy then so it’s best that I touch nothing…

  27. Now someone just needs to make the list: “13 Things You Can Do As A Husband During Her Week”. Some highlights would probably be:
    1. Shut up.
    2. Go away.
    3. Avoid eye contact.
    4. Make your own damn dinner!
    5. When she gets the crazy eye, run. Fast.

  28. OMG, I though it was just me!!! I stare at him from the couch with dagger eyes. The heavy breathing while eating is my version of nails on a chalk board!!!
    – I have also learned not to respond to emails turing this time period,

  29. Jennifer…. You and I must have been twins separated at birth. I despise everyone in the morning but especially R&Us..ugh!

  30. Finally Pam, someone who understands rainbows and unicorns should be saved for after noon! 🙂

  31. Not only did I laugh at this post – I laughed even harder at the comments! Thanks for the laugh gals.

  32. So… I’m pregnant. I’m Googling Snapped pronto. I will either love or hate you shortly. Stay tuned.

    P.S. My number 14… Don’t kill anyone, no matter how tempting it may be.

  33. I Googled and studdied up on Snapped… I suddenly find my #14 to be hilarious. I’m going to try to search my channel guide, and find an episode. I like real crime shows. Thanks for the heads up!!!

  34. To add: Do NOT go to walmart. Period. Avoid it completely when you have PMS….at all costs!

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