It’s Elf on the Shelf season.
And as much as I love to see the shenanigans that my friends’ elves get up to, I just can’t get it together to do the same for my kids.
In fact, most nights I can’t even remember to MOVE the elf – and Even Steven has to run down in the morning before the kids come downstairs.
MY LATEST VIDEOS I want to do better.
I want to have an elf that spends his nights in the hot tub with Barbie or stages an all-out war with the toy dinosaurs.
But it just ain’t going to happen.
So if you’re anything like me – this calendar is for you.
Elf on the Shelf – for Slackers
Day 1: Your elf arrives. Put him on the nearest shelf. Read your kids the book. You’re done.
Day 2: Move your elf to the dining room light fixture.
Day 3: Move your elf to the kitchen windowsill.
Day 4: Forget to move your elf. Tell your kids that he only moves if they’ve been good the day before – so must be they were naughty. Tell them to try harder.
Day 5: Move your elf to a shelf in the family room.
Day 6: Move your elf to the back of the toilet.
Day 7: Put your elf in the minivan. I know – we’re getting a little creative here.
Day 8: Move your elf to a shelf in the entry way.
Day 9: You’ve been working hard for four days. Give yourself a break. Tell your kids that they must have been naughty again and to try harder.
Day 10: Move your elf to the top of a cupboard.
Day 11: Move your elf to a spot on the Christmas Tree.
Day 12: Forget to move your elf. Your kids will know why he hasn’t moved.
Day 13: Move your elf to the top of a lamp in the family room.
Day 14: Forget to move your elf.
Day 15: Forget to move your elf.
Day 16: You are the worst parent ever. Forget again.
Day 17: Okay – less than 10 days left. We can do this! Move your elf to the bathroom again.
Day 18: Move your elf to a kitchen light fixture.
Day 19: Move your elf to your bedroom.
Day 20: Move your elf to a window ledge in the family room.
Day 21: Move your elf to the top of the washer or dryer.
Day 22: Move your elf to the top of the television.
Day 23: Move your elf to the bulletin board.
Day 24: Move your elf to the kitchen counter.
Day 25: Move your elf back to the Christmas tree.
GREAT JOB! You did it!
Day 26: Quick! Move your elf back to his box and hide him away until next year.
LOL – you always make my day- LOVE THIS!!!!! Have a blessed holiday season!!!
Totally pinning, because I am so slacking this year already and needed this bit of help. You are the best, Anna!! 🙂
This why I refuse to even buy an elf in the shelf…and because they creep me out. I am a-okay with being a terrible parent. And if my kids ask why we don’t have one…I will lie and tell them it’s because they are so good Santa doesn’t need to send a spy to our house. 😉 Muwhahahaha!
Ha ha ha! I’ve already forgotten once! I love this. I try to set a timer on my iPhone that reminds me to move him before I go to bed, but that STILL doesn’t always work. Big fail… I forgot where we put our Elf from last year, so I had to buy a new one and pass him off as the old one…. Still haven’t found Elf #1 even though we’ve unpacked all the Christmas stuff. We must be a super sucky family for our Elf to skip out on us!
I’ve already forgotten once too! And ours is currently on the dining room light fixture. Great minds think alike!
I’m still trying to figure out when having elves on the shelves became mandatory — does that mean my kids are too old for this and I don’t have to feel guilty? We’ve got Evil Vintage Santa to keep us creeped out enough. 🙂
Sounds like we have the same “calendar”. Fantastic to know I’m not alone! I explain it to the kids as Bob (the elf) is a pretty mellow dude and likes to hang out and chill and really, why would he make messes? Wouldn’t that get him fired?
So far it’s working. Then again, it’s only December 2nd.
Love this! Made me laugh so hard. Thank you, thank you, thank you for keeping the rest of us elf slackers from feeling so dang guilty.
Thanks so much for the guide. I’m truly the epitome of Elf on the Shelf Slacker Mom. Last year our Elf had a sledding accident in the North Pole on the day he was to arrive at our house. Santa allowed him to come, but he was immobilized on the shelf in a body cast for several days. I blogged about it – http://canyousaychaos.blogspot.com/2012/12/sad-news-from-north-pole.html
He hasn’t arrived yet this year. No telling what might happen!
ROLLING! I don’t usually comment on these things, but I’ve been sick in bed all day and this just made my day! Hilarious. I like the way you think!
So funny!!! Love this! So happy to hear that I’m not the only “slacker” in the quest to survive the 25 days of having an Elf….
Love It! I usually also have a couple moments of shoving a half sleeping husband down the stairs to quickly move the elf while I try to distract the eager elf hunters on a way too early weekend morning.
This is so funny! I was a teacher and did it in my class and the same thing happened. Now we use him with my boyfriend’s son. We just move him to different places and that’s about it. We don’t have time for a naughty elf lol.
Funny, but I’m glad I never started that tradition. I can’t remember to do the tooth fairy thing.
I have no idea where this all started. I suddenly noticed it a couple of years ago at a friend’s house. All I can say is that I’m glad my kid is grown up now, because she always got up before me and I’d be in dreadful trouble if the elf hadn’t moved…and I’d have never remembered the night before. Whew!
Thank you!!!! Now I have a reason why the elf doesn’t move.
Love it!! I’m a slacker lol
If it didn’t exist when I was a kid—it doesn’t matter if it exists now. That’s my opinion on this whole “elf” thing.
Too funny!
I wouldn’t even know that elf on the shelf even existed if it weren’t for pinterest. Luckily by the time I found out about it my boy had already outgrown it .
I totally agree! I try, but I’m always forgetting until the last minute. This morning, I had no clue where my kiddos’ elves were, so the Elves left a note on my phone of a simple (and they were going to do it anyways) activity they wanted the kiddos to do!
P.S. I love that pic of your husband’s reaction. I think I have seen it on another post and it CRACKS me up every time.
I LOVE THIS POST. Tears streamed down my face when I first read it. Mostly because, for the first time, hubby and I had forgotten to move the elf. We are now–completely–in the slacker category. I keep reading this again and again, and I bust a gut every time. Thank you for giving us some guidelines this year!!! 🙂
We got one of those Elf plush dolls. For some reason my children have decided this is a fun game of ‘let’s hide the elf to freak mom out when she finds it’- like under my pillow, in the fork drawer. You know. Gets me every time.
I just posted a poem about the disappearance of said elf, the bum. I appreciate the helpful suggestion… he hasn’t moved because you were naughty! I was going with “He overslept,” or “He drank too much?” or “How should I know? I didn’t invite him into this house. He showed up. He won’t leave. That’s all I know. I just clean the place.”
I really do love you and your parenting style. I am also married to an Even Steven and I love that picture of him you use. I am also not doing the elf, for a variety of reasons. But you always make me feel like my parenting is more normal than I sometimes feel it is. I am a bit of a slacke
See couldn’t even finish my sentence properly!
yes, yes, and yes! so funny!
I read your blog on the 2nd and thought about printing it out just so I could stay on track. I didn’t, mostly because I’m a slacker. Well guess what. I forgot to move that stupid elf on the night of the 3rd. Does that make me an overachiever to be ahead of schedule? Even better, I forgot last night too. Thankfully, a couple of hours after the baby had already been up, the 3yo had gotten up too, and I had to walk past that cursed thing. So at 4:00am, I was able to get back on schedule of moving the elf. Unfortunately, the bigger kids have too high of expectations because the first thing the 5yo said was “He sat there last year”. Am I supposed to find new places every year?
Hi Anna, over the last couple of days many of my friends posted “I forgot to move the elf – what do I tell the kids?” So as of today I’ll refer them to your post 😉 I took the liberty to put a link into my own post
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/2013/12/cookie-our-elf-on-shelf-is-back.html
Take care – and try to remember to move the elf tonight, OK?
The most exciting thing our elf has done is sit in the empty hot tub with Barbie. (I have enough problems cleaning up after the humans in our house, much less making a mess on purpose for the damned elf!)
Hilarious! Thank you for sharing. The only concern I have is that this schedule assumes we have our Christmas tree up by Dec 11. Um, hello…I’m a slacker, remember?! jk – this is fabulous!!
oh my goodness, hilarious and completely true!!! thank you for sharing!
Absolutely hilarious. We forgot to move our elf so many times last year, that the girls are convinced he never left our house!
Our elves went back to Santa for a few days because of a bad progress report and then lying about it.. bought me a week! 🙂
What a cute post. I mentioned it on my blog, for next year, when our elf actually decides to move! lol
I notice there are several light fixture suggestions. We put ours on the light fixture in the entry way last year and it burned a hole in our elf. Just make sure you don’t turn the light on 🙂 or your elf will have a burned hole on his back side.
God, you really hit the nail on the head. This is so us. We are so lame that we never even wrote in the book and now none of us can remember our elf’s name! Crap, I hope he moved last night
Well said.
This is just sad. And awful.
Not moving him and then telling the kids he’s not moved because they were naughty?! Disgusting.
Yeah, if you hate your kids.
He creeps me out, too!!!! That freaky little face would give me nightmares!
Best way to not forget to move the elf….DON’T EVER START. Don’t buy one, don’t have the book–You’re on EASY STREET. Until your kids ask why they don’t have an elf….
No
Aw come on, it’s all in good fun. And let’s be honest, many kids do something naughty most days, so it’s probably not a complete lie. I can think of many more things to call “disgusting.”
Haha, I can relate. Our elf shows up on St. Nicholas Day. My high schooler hurried into my room this morning (St. Nicholas Day) to tell me I forgot to take the lists from the shoes and leave chocolate AND the elf wasn’t out. I was informed his elementary age brother was still in bed and if I hurried, all would be well.
That’s hysterical. I had a friend do that too.
This is sooooo us!
I told my daughter the same thing when she asked why all her friends have Elf on the Shelf and we don’t.
That was supposed to be a reply to the comment about her being so well behaved that we don’t need a spy in the house to report back to Santa
I told my kids if “Rosie” made a mess she’d have to go to elf time out and Santa would be sad…they are 3,4 & 5 totally bought it no messy elf for me….and she is creepy!!!! I only have one because I had a bawling 5yr old that thought him and his brother did something wrong because Santa hadn’t sent an elf to watch them…thank you to his teacher that decided to talk elf at school!!!
This is such a true story!. That is exactly how we do it, the only difference is a few more missed days…this year he did not move from Monday to Wednesday. We use the excuse mommy and daddy went to bed to late…
You don’t have to spend all that $ on elf on a shelf. Get a stuffed toy from the dollar store and tie a Christmas ribbon around it and name it. Kids don’t care it’s not an elf they just like getting up and looking for where it moved to.
Have I mentioned you are BRILLIANT??? You make me feel much more ‘normal’…. if there is such a thing. Problem: I’m too much of a slacker to HAVE a Christmas tree yet, so I’d better get on to that before I have to put the darned elf in one.
Oh fiddlesticks. I just checked and tomorrow’s tree day! Oh well, there’s always next year…
I had to buy a new elf too lol. Unorganized moms with chaotic homes should not buy elves 😉
The whole elf on the shelf thing makes me tired just thinking about it. And a little bit cranky, if you want to know the truth. That’s probably why we don’t have one and will not be getting one in the near future! I’m sure if I did succumb at some point I would definitely be on the slacker list, though. My creativity for stuff like that tends to run out about the time I put the kids in bed.
We bought the knock-off elf for $2. It works just as good.
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