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Five Ways to be a Great Friend

I am a great friend. Not in the traditional sense of being a great listener or dropping off baked goods “just because.”

I am a great friend because I work really, really hard at it. Here are a few of my tips…

#1 – I am an average-sized person.

Do you like hanging out with really skinny people that make you feel fat? Me neither.

That’s why I eat ho hos and bon bons on a daily basis. I never want to make my friends feel fat while they’re hanging out with me.

Sometimes I get a little too thin, and when I see this happening, I just eat more Crisco straight out of the can.

It’s the least I can do for my friends.

#2 – I don’t do a great job cleaning my house.

When I invite friends over, I don’t go crazy cleaning my house. In fact, I try to mess it up a little.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m at someone’s house, and I see a little counter-top clutter, I feel more comfortable. And – a dirty toilet or fingerprints on the bathroom mirror? Thank the Lord – I feel like a normal person.

I work hard to make sure my house is never too clean for guests – and I can always count on Big Hairy Dog (or one of the kids) to make it smell like a giant fart, which I think is a nice touch.

#3 – I make sure my kids scream bloody murder while I’m on the phone.

This does one of two things for my friends. It either makes them feel totally normal when their kids are also screaming in the background.

OR – it makes them feel like they are great mothers because their kids are NOT screaming in the background.

Either way – my friends don’t feel threatened by my greatness. (And sometimes they feel so bad for me that they send meals, which is a nice bonus.)

#4 – I burn dinner when I have dinner guests.

I have to be careful with this one, because I want to make sure that I can offer something edible. But I always make sure to royally mess up something – just to make everyone feel like great cooks themselves.

One Thanksgiving I purposely left the bag of guts inside the turkey and made a big show of taking it out of the cooked bird while we were at the dinner table. Everyone felt very good about themselves.

#5 – I never look too put together.

My natural instinct is to look amazing every single day. So before I leave the house, I try to mess myself up a little bit so that no one feels dumpy when they’re with me.

Sometimes I smear a little baby poop on my pants or on my shirt. I tore holes into the knees of my jeans.

One day at the mall, the entire front wheel came flying off my stroller – which just made everyone around me feel totally at ease. Who wants to hang out with someone who has it totally together? Not me!

Click here for five more ways to be a good friend.

How do you strive to be a good friend?

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95 Comments

  1. Such great ideas! I’m pretty good at being the worst dressed among my friends, you know, just to make them look good of course!

  2. haha! this post kills me! I, too, had four kids in like 4.5 years, wear sweats all day and drive a minivan! Love your blog…I’m following ya now!

  3. Karen Hayes says:

    You make me laugh! Thanks!

  4. Yep, it’s a case of 2 great minds with but a single thought! I, too, do my best to make my friends feel comfortable. Especially the “classier” ones that have that little problem of having a spotless house. (sigh) We do our best, don’t we? (wink)

  5. I think i love you! You crack me up, make me giggle, snort or guffaw on a regular basis! Thanks for keeping it real, here in blogland! ;o)

  6. I LOVE it!! I think I’d love hanging out with you… you seem like a better friend than most of my friends. 😉 (I hope they never see this comment!!)

    Leanne

  7. This just made my day! You are hilarious.

  8. Sounds like your a perfect friend to me! Bon Bons…. I eat them while watching my soap opera. Why clean the house, it will be dirty again within 5 minutes. Screaming kids while on the phone ~ well, that’s just a given. They actually don’t talk at all, until I get someone on the other end of the line! I don’t do a ton of burning, but we do run out of propane for our gas grill from time to time when we have dinner guests. And a put together outfit? That would mean the laundry was done and I actually had clean clothes that went together ~ Ha!
    GREAT Post!

  9. Based on your criteria I must be the bestest friend in the world. Yippee! I knew I had to be good at something. :0)

    Madison xxx

  10. Um, i think you might have to be my new BFF 🙂

  11. Anna, I swear your posts get funnier by the minute. I LOVE this post. You are so hilarious. I posted it on my FB fan page. Thanks for always making me laugh.

  12. Danielle Higginbottom-Brown says:

    Found you Via Allison @ HoH!!! OMG! Girl you totally made me snort and giggle all at the same time….my husband just raised his eyebrow!!! Thanks!!!

  13. Kelly @ Eclectically Vintage says:

    I love sitting between 2 average sized friends at the beach!
    Kelly

  14. Love it. Thanks for the laugh

  15. Carol Dyer says:

    Hey, we could be best friends!

  16. I don’t know how I found you blog exactly. Someone, probably another blogger that I follow, posted/linked something and here I am. I won’t stay but I will say that I have enjoyed reading your life. I envy you your life. I love your life. May God Himself bless you and your beautiful family, and I mean every single member of your family. Especially your Mother who lies. Cracks me up! ♥

  17. Oh this is too good. I had a friend stop by one weekend to pick up something and she saw my mess in the dining room and commented that she was so glad to see I had something out of order. I told her she should see the kitchen! Then she seriously asked if she could…so of course I let her. And she said it made her feel so much better. Because usually she was only at my house for events…when we hide every bit of clutter in drawers, closets, under beds, etc. HA!

  18. Ha! Love it! You’d probably consider me a great friend by these rules. I love reading your posts. 🙂

  19. Also (in a totally non-stalkerish way), you probably don’t remember me but I actually went to your high school and grew up in your home town. A mutual friend referred me to your blog and I’ve enjoyed reading since. Once upon a time I had a blog, but then I got pregnant and had another baby and it sort of died. Your blog has inspired me to attempt to bring mine back to life. So thanks! And keep on writing!

  20. ROFL! I think I need more friends like you!

  21. Think we could be BFFs! Found you through Allison, via FB.
    You totally rock!

  22. LOVE IT! Although I am the “Friend” who tries to have the house perfect when pple come over. Once I was having a playdate and was still vacuming when my friend came over and I appologized and she said, “THANK YOU!”, I said “huh?”, and she said , “And here I thought you were always perfect and the house was always clean and everything was put together”… I had to laugh and say, “ooooohhhh no!!! Not at all.”

  23. I am totally sharing this on Facebook. This proves I am the best friend in the world.

  24. OMG!!! I just laughed until my freakin’ HEAD is stopped up again! But it was SO worth it! I will definitely be back to read your blog because you are WONDERFULLY CERTIFIABLE!!! YAY!!! I have FINALLY met my match! BWAHAHAHAHA … GASP.

  25. You made my day, turns out I am a great friend and I don’t even have to work at it! Thanks so much for your writing, love it!

  26. Popping over from the feature on The Sweet Talk Shop. Love your posts. Very funny!

    xoxo

  27. I was having a very bad night and needed a good laugh. One of my friends just texted me about this funny post. You just saved me from a very bad mood! Thanks for the good laugh tonight

  28. awesome! Thanks for the laugh!

  29. Thank you! Who wants the stress of trying to be perfect all the time when we can just be real, with hilarious mess-ups, baby poop, and all. Those are the things that make memories.

  30. Found you on WFMW. This made me laugh out loud. Thanks!

  31. This made me laugh, a lot! I have a 7 week old and I always feel terrible when friends come over because my house is a disaster. NO MORE! Now I know I’m just being a good friend. 🙂

  32. Susanne Hope says:

    @Jen D.

    This made giggle as well but I think this is what friendship is all about.

  33. I’m simply pleased I discovered this web page. Maybe you’d like to place a banner on my blogroll? How can I contact you on private?

  34. Hilarious and hits way too close to home for comfort. All in the name of being a good friend though, right? I have also been known to answer the door in pjs around noon just to show my friend that she has it more together than me. Happened yesterday in fact.

  35. lol..I am pretty good at a lot of those things too! Another way I try to be a good friend is by losing shit all the time…cell phone, keys, debit cards, important stuff so ppl around me feel superior and pulled together!

  36. I am an AWESOME friend!!

  37. Anna, you are cracking me up. I, too, am a great friend. Every day I wake up and want to put on my most glamorous clothes. But, then I think of my friends and decide to put on my sweats, or sometimes I even head off to the school drop-off in my pajamas, so my friends don’t feel like their clothes aren’t nice enough. I don’t get manicures and I often just throw my hair in a ponytail, too, so I look messy enough to make my friends feel comfortable.

    Oh yeah, and I make sure to sprinkle crumbs all over the backseat of my car so that my friends don’t feel bad about their messy cars, when we all meet up in the preschool parking lot.

  38. Oh yes, I AM a great friend. I knew there was a reason and I also agree with Ali about the backseat of the car, a bunch of old Mc Donald’s fries here and there… perfect!

  39. I like your blog graphic – is it custom made, or maybe some public template? Where can I download it from?

  40. I love it! You hit the nail on head! So cute!

  41. Very funny post! A good friend always has a sense of humor! Thanks for the smiles.

  42. LOVE this post! My sister has got to be the most stylish, motivated, on-top-of-things woman I know. Which made it all the more baffling that she insisted on serving her guests (my husband, son and me) pumpkin curry soup with bits of plastic from the blender top that she had dropped in during the puree process. NOW I know why! Her moment of (obviously intentional) imperfection is the only reason I will allow her to cook her gourmet meals for us…which inevitably make my family wonder what happened to MY fabulous gene 🙂

  43. Anna, you’ve done it again. What a funny lady you are. I’ve read your posts from WFMW and now I’m digging through to bring a giggle to my morning.

  44. I am totally blog stalking right now and this post is the BOMB!! I loved it!!! 🙂

    btw, I try to be a good friend too 😉

  45. OMG’s I’ve been reading through some of you older post and I found this one. TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE!!! My kids are like “Mom, why are you laughing when you’re crying?” Thanks for the super great laugh this morning. Holly 🙂

  46. Wow! I have never thought of being a good friend that way… I always strive to be near-perfect. Though occasional (unintended) accidents do happen.

  47. Terrific! You have made me realize that I, too, am a great friend. I especially excel at #2 and #5.

  48. This is awesome! 🙂 Hilarious.
    Happy SITS day!

  49. This is a very funny post and I can relate with some of the afore mentioned. Congratulations on being featured on SITS, happy SITS day!

  50. I hadn’t realized how good a friend I was until I read this post! Happy SITS Day!

  51. {Kathy} I, too, am feeling like one of the best friends anyone could have! Nothing says friendly like, “Please sit down at my table with little piles of laundry on it and have lunch with me.”

  52. If this makes a great friend, them I’m a fantastic friend!

  53. I totally agree! Have a wonderful Sits day!!

  54. This is HILARIOUS! We would totally be friends…you would still feel better than me, but we would laugh about it so it would be okay! 😉 Happy SITS day!

  55. Hahaha…we can hang out for sure!!!

    Most of my girlfriends houses look amazingly clean everytime I walk in- I HATE it!! One of my closest girlfriends has been a cleaning maniac out of the womb! I kid you not- as kids she would clean up after our lunches!!! LOL…her house if company ready ALL THE TIME!!! I show up unexpected just to make sure!!! LOL

    I honestly have no idea where they store their clutter or if they have any at that!

    Me on the other hand, I can clean for hours- day after day- and for some reason my house is never “company ready”!

    I do however do a lot more out of the house with my kids than most of my friends…we are never home!

  56. This post has made me feel like I am the best friend ever! I totally meet all the criteria! I never left the guts in the turkey but I have cooked meals after which we have had to order a pizza because the food was just too nasty to eat 😉

    I have yet to have a phone conversation without a child having a total meltdown and my own mother says I sound like I have turrets when I talk to her because I randomly pop out STOP, SIT DOWN, or STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER/SISTER in the middle of a sentence and then continue the sentence where I left off.

  57. ahaha, Oh my goodness this is hilarious! I left the guts inside the turkey once, too. Classy.

  58. I wish I had a friend like you. See and all this time I’ve been trying to show off for my friends. I like how you went in the other direction lol.

  59. I don’t even have to work at #4….I’m terrified of cooking, and only the most basic things are even attempted. With my luck, my family will end up eating glass one day too!

  60. YES YES YES!! I’m the best friend ever in the whole entire history of the universe!!!

    wait. whaddya mean that was humor?

  61. What thoughtful ideas. You are a good friend. Always giving, it sound like. Keep it up.

  62. This made my day – hope your SITS day is as much fun as you made mine! I’ll chuckle all day thinking about this. You’d feel right at home at my house!

  63. I do all of these things and still I have no friends… ::sigh::

  64. That’s great!! I do the same things! Happy SITS day!

  65. This is awesome! Great post!

    {{ stopping by from SITS }}

  66. Oh my goodness…you have me rollin’! Happy SITS day 🙂

  67. Yep, that’s a good friend, not perfect and far from normal! Love it! Happy SITS day! Too funny!

  68. I love this! It makes me feel like such a great friend, thanks! Happy SITS day!

  69. haha these are great! and so so true!

  70. Haha! Loved it! When I first started reading, I thought, well, aren’t we full of ourselves? And then you made me chuckle:).

  71. Whoop. I’m an awesome friend… you can barely get through the front door in my place.
    In from SITS.

  72. I ALWAYS have “stuff” (papers, mail, projects, food items, etc.) piled on my counters and table (and sofas and floor.) Once, when my good friend’s husband came over to pick up their child, and saw my kitchen, he went home and told his wife that he would NEVER complain about her housekeeping again! I was so happy that I was able to help my friend in that way! LOL!

  73. Crystal Canga says:

    YOU are just the type of blogger I need in my life! Thanks so much for your humor! (I particularly appreciate the elephant and vasshole humor…) My kids were born here in Turkey and I don’t have my crazy friends and family to keep me sane. My husband doesn’t even joke about farts. 🙁 you make me feel at home 😀 so thank you!!

  74. Gosh, I never knew I was such a good friend too! I totally excel in those areas. It must be a natural gift 🙂

  75. *giggles as she sends the link to her best friend* Totally awesome post…came here looking for a recipe & found this & can’t hit the subscribe button fast enough. *laughs*

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