Not too long ago, I shared five ways to be a great friend.
Since then, I've thought of a few things I can do to become an even BETTER friend.
#1 - Forget your Kid Somewhere
This pretty much guarantees that no matter which one of your friends is having a bad day - they're still a better mother than you!
Bonus points if you forget your kid for more than half an hour.
(And CC - I know you probably think I'm referencing the time you left your youngest child on a dock while you took off on your houseboat and didn't notice he was missing until hours later when another boat pulled up beside you with your crying child. I think you're a great friend - but not because of this. I swear!)
#2 - Update your Facebook Status Wisely
A good friend doesn't post things on Facebook like, "Sally LOVES to help pick up her toys." or "The baby is 2 weeks old, and I'm already back in my regular clothes."
No. A good friend posts things like,
Man - this lice just won't go away.
Or
Bedbugs suck!
Or
How did I manage to gain 15 pounds this week?
Be a good friend - think before you Facebook.
#3 - Stop Cleaning Your Minivan
Minivans were made for smashed goldfish crackers, spilled milk, stinky socks - and maybe a little vomit. Stop cleaning yours - and you'll make the rest of your friends feel normal.
Bonus: This also helps to ward off any minivan jealousy from your friends that haven't gotten theirs yet.
#4 - Leave Some Floaters
Next time company is coming over, leave a few floaters in the guest bathroom.
Nothing makes people feel like they're a better all-around person than you than finding a few floaters in your potty.
#5 - Wear your Pajamas Everywhere
No matter what I'm wearing, I feel amazing when I see another mother wearing Sponge Bob pajama pants while she's dropping her child off at preschool.
Seriously. You want to be a great friend? Rock the PJs in public!
Any other ideas on how to be a great friend?
Michelle says
This is hilarious! I totally have mini van envy. Here's one to add: Don't brush your hair. Others will instantly feel more svelte.
Stevie M says
Love it 🙂
Shannon says
share with everyone you know that you got a note sent home from school today because your 3 year old spit in her teacher's face. that will definitely make anyone feel like a better parent than you.
Kai says
I SWEAR no matter HOW crappy my day starts - and trust me, THIS one started REALLY crappy - I can visit your blog, laugh my a** - er - head off, & suddenly feel better! YOU ROCK!
Kim says
I am sharing this...sooo funny...reminds me of the time I left Dylan somewhere, went home...made dinner...it was about an hour and a half before I realized it...in my defense, I had a new baby....yep, that's it, and I am not cleaning my car anymore, I really need to work on being a better friend.
Alyson L says
Ha! Ha! Whoever did these would be my best friend. And I am my piano teacher's best friend (I must be!) because the kids always leave floaters for her in the toilet every week when she comes for lessons.
Cici says
Tou forgot to add that he used that story for a class speech in the third grade! Why do they never forget those moments?!?
Rachel says
This list is so great and so very true! I know we can be best best friends because no joke, 2 weeks ago I left my oldest son at church and didn't realize we didn't have him until we got all the way home (20 minutes away) and then, only because a friend called us. And when my daughter was in first grade, the same kid who threw up on her in Kindergarten gave her head lice and we dealt with that for just about the whole year. Ever had those, they suck...don't think I didn't facebook about it! Man, I didn't realize what an awesome friend I was. I totally rock.
Sue says
Hahahahaha. This is brilliant.
imklvr says
I want you to reread Kai's post. Go ahead. I'll wait...
Done? OK. Now what does that tell you about writing a book? Hmmm? You brighten so many people's days....imagine what you could do for the whole world. I'm telling ya, kiddo, you OWE the world your stories.
Besides wearing PJ's outside, what can I do to be a better friend with no young childern? And my floaters sink. Does that count?
Paige Kellerman says
*raises hand* I can only add that, to be a really great friend, you have to make sure your kid poops on the carpet, at extremely inopportune times. Point out to your guests what spots on your carpet are what, and that, no, the one they're standing on must be new.
Michelle says
Please tell me that you wear your pj's to take your kids to school ONLY if you're also not wearing a bra? No, just me? Lately my greatest fear is that in the 3 blocks from our house to the school...yes I drive my kids 3 blocks not because they can't walk it, but because we're always stinkin' late out the door and I'm positive my 9 yr old boy will get down 1 1/2 blocks and forget where he was supposed to be going...anyway...greatest fear...that I'm going to be dropping the kids off at the door and someone will come to the car door and ask me to come inside for a minute...no bra on...or I'll do something stupid like actually hit that teacher who always decides to cross the road right as I'm turning out of the parking lot and the police will come and I'll have to go to jail with no bra on (or any other variation of the police stopping me with no bra on. Wait...maybe the no bra thing might work in my favor with the police?
Jen says
Pinned this! You are so funny and clever! I'm your newest follower! Oh, and I'm wearing my pajamas and two different socks as I type this (my daughter is also on her second hour of bubble guppies as I surf the blogoshpere-at least she is taking a break from her Twilight obsession)! 🙂
Jen @ fishsticksandtiddlywinks.blogspot.com
Tiff@MakeLifeCreative says
I am so glad I'm not the only one with guests and floaters. But I get the "I didn't do it" from all three while said guest is there. *sigh*. How about trying to pass your 7yr old as a 4 yr old (yes he is that little) at a restaurant only to have said 7yr old say really loud " No, Mom I'm 7" LOL Oy!!
Amber Hurd says
Maybe this is just me, but I hated it when my mom wore her pajamas to drop us off at school. So, now I make sure I am dressed and looking nice when I drop of my kiddos. Sorry, my best friend wouldn't care because she is a type A like me also:). So, I am good LOL Hopefully, you will forgive me though because my daughter never flushes the toilet so I can relate to that 😉
Tamsyn says
Haha, these are great. I think this list officially makes the best friend on the planet!
Jessica says
Tee hee hee this post is hilarious!!! I totally take my kids to school in my pjs and no bra I always wonder what wld happen if I got into wreck or got pulled over.. Eeek! My bestie and I always send each other pics of our dirty kitchen or our never ending loads of laundry.... It totally puts a smile on each others face!!! Ps I'm I just found your blog and I love it!!!
Tracy says
I love this post very funny...It totally puts a smile on each others face!!! Ps I’m I just found your blog and I love it!!!
My Special Kind of Crazy says
I think that to be a really good friend you should leave the good shoes at home- just wear those slippers out to the store with the furry socks because it's okay if others think you "forgot" to put your real shoes on...what are friends for, right?