I have a new rule for visitors.
Everyone is required to punch me in the face as soon as they arrive.
Let me explain...
A few months ago some friends of ours came over for brunch. (We'll call them Mr. and Mrs. Land O'Lakes.)
Their kids ran through the door to find our kids, and we greeted the adults in the entryway.
Mr. Land O'Lakes and I tried to hug each other, but somehow he ended up punching me in the face.
We were both a little surprised, but it didn't hurt too much, so we laughed it off and proceeded to enjoy our brunch.
We ate. We drank. We laughed.
Our kids played with their kids, and everyone was having a great time.
Until one of my kids became a crazy, wild monster and did something very naughty. I won't share what happened because it really doesn't matter. It was typical kid stuff (well, typical for an extremely naughty kid).
The Land O'Lakes family decided to leave. (I didn't blame them.)
I was very embarrassed as they gathered their children. I was torn between wanting to apologize like crazy and wanting to make a million excuses for my child's poor behavior.
Mr. and Mrs. Land O'Lakes were very kind - and tried to keep saying things like, "Our kids do stuff like that all the time. No big deal."
But we both knew they were lying.
I was feeling pretty terrible until Mr. Land O'Lakes reminded me, "I punched you in the face when I got here. It was no worse than that!"
Totally saved my day.
So now every visitor is required to punch me in the face upon entering my home. So I can say things during their visit like,
Oh - my house isn't clean enough for you?
Well at least I didn't punch you in the face!
What? My kid peed on your leg?
Well, at least he didn't punch you in the face!