Finding the Perfect Babysitter

I’ve reached that sad, tired point in parenting where hiring a babysitter is barely worth it.

I have to make plans far enough in advance to find a babysitter. And I have to make sure that my first choice babysitter gets back to me with enough time to ask my 2nd-choice babysitter, and so on.

I have to make sure I have cash (a lot of cash) to pay the babysitter.

And I have to deal with the pressure of knowing that I’m spending an ungodly amount of money per hour to have fun. And if I’m sitting at a restaurant, and it’s only a little fun, or if it’s downright boring, all I can think about is how much every minute is costing me.

But if I could find the perfect babysitter –  the really perfect babysitter – it would all be worth it.

I would go out every week – maybe more than once a week. I would stay out late, and I wouldn’t care a single bit whether I was having a great time or just an okay time – because it would all be worth it.

10 Things that Add Up to a Perfect Babysitter!

1. Have an online schedule. Let me see when you’re available and when you aren’t, and let me book online. I’m serious. I don’t want to wait for you to text me back. Or call you and have you text me back. Or Facebook you and have you leave me a message on my home phone. It’s too confusing. Just do it all online, please.

Even better – get together with a group of friends, create a shared calendar, and let me book whomever is available.

2. Be a nurse. Or at least have the WebMD app on your phone. It’s just so much more convenient for me. I don’t have to explain the baby’s allergies or how to use the epi pen. I know you can help my kids if someone is choking.

And maybe you could check this mole on my back?

3. Clean while you’re here. Not just a little. Like – a lot. You think there’s not a bonus for a scrubbed toilet and a vacuumed kitchen?

Well – trust me honey – there is. And there’s also a big, fat kiss on the lips from me to you!

4. Cook me a meal. Not to eat when I get home – but to eat for dinner the next night. I multi-task all day long with my kids. You can do it too. Just throw together a quick casserole and put it in the fridge for me. (Preferably organic, thanks.)

5. Be on time. In fact, be a little early and help with the kids while I get ready. And be sure to tell me that there’s no charge for that extra 15 minutes. THAT would be awesome!

6. Do the stuff with my kids that I don’t really want to do. Like painting. Or Playdoh. Or taking a walk in the rain and jumping in puddles. And then have it all cleaned up before I come home.

7. Did I already mention that I’d like you to clean? I’m serious.

8. Facebook responsibly. If your Facebook profile picture is you giving me the finger – it probably isn’t going to work out. If you’re with my kids, and I can see you updating your newsfeed every minute – it probably isn’t going to work out.

But if you’re posting pictures of my clean toilet, my folded laundry, and my organic casserole in the fridge – then I love you and keep up the great work.

9. For the love of God, just accept credit cards already. As far as I can tell, it’s as simple as getting a little doohickey that attaches to your phone.

You want to babysit more often? Start accepting AMEX.

10. What would your #10 be?