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10 Reasons Why I Will NOT Homeschool My Children

I’m a full year away from my oldest heading to kindergarten, but I already know that I will NOT be homeschooling my children. It has nothing to do with my thoughts on homeschool vs public school vs private school. Not a single thing.

It has everything to do with my total and utter inability to teach my children anything.

10 reasons why I will NOT be homeschooling my children. It has nothing to do with my thoughts on homeschool vs public school vs private school. Not a single thing.

For example:

1. I thought there were 52 states until I was married. Not so sure I’m the best candidate for teaching my children geography.

2. At least once a week, my daughter says, “Hey Mom – what’s my name again?” She’s three!

3. Pretty sure that I would spend my days pinning teachable activities rather than doing any actual teaching. (Click here to follow me on Pinterest.)

4. When I’m thinking of whether or not something is East or West, I have to spell WE in my head to get my directions straight. My kids deserve better than that, don’t you think?

10 reasons why I will NOT be homeschooling my children. It has nothing to do with my thoughts on homeschool vs public school vs private school. Not a single thing.

5. I saw this animal walking around the zoo, and I stopped a large crowd of children and their parents and said, “Look at the ostrich everyone!” (A note to my mother: It’s a peacock mom. Not an ostrich.)

6. We had a mobile that we used in each of the kids’ cribs. One of the animals was a rabbit. And I taught all three kids that a rabbit says ribbit. (A note to my mother: Rabbits don’t say ribbit. FROGS say ribbit!)

7. I would most likely focus a good part of their education on how to be a good friend. These are valuable lessons, but they don’t get you far on standardized tests

8. I can’t even convince them to pee in the pool. Not sure how I’m going to convince them that coloring within the lines or algebra could come in handy one day.

9. Despite my best efforts to teach him otherwise, my son still asks what comes after eleventeen.

10.

See? I can’t even think of 10 reasons – clearly I am not fit to be their teacher.

Off to public school they go. In one year, two years and four years.

Not that I’m counting down or anything.

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51 Comments

  1. haha! Don’t be so sure. I never intended to homeschool either, but we are starting a happy medium this year: cyber school. It’s public school online, so you do it from home but it comes with a certified teacher to work with your child. 🙂

  2. Hahaha! I love it! I too would pin lots and do little! My oldest starts Kinder in TWENTY ONE DAYS!!! 21 days! Then my middle starts next year and my LO is only 8 months! I know how you feel!

  3. hahaha – I’m a retired teacher (middle school math) and I loved your list. First, I didn’t notice that touch point math was THREE words either. But having seen it taught in second grade, I’m wondering why you don’t like it? Second, I was right there with you when said RABBIT says RIBBIT. hehehe I guess that’s the power of suggestion. Third, I never thought of your WE tip (I think that’s called a mnemonic, BTW.) to remember. I actually take my hand and make the sign of the compass rose. So, after 28 years of teaching, and I thought I was successful, I’m here to tell you maybe there’s still a chance for home schooling in your future.

  4. I am a certified teacher and STILL wouldn’t homeschool my three for a bazillion dollars. It’s called PERSONAL. SPACE. And I cherish it.

  5. Ha! I will never home school either. They would never learn anything.

  6. Hhhaaaa! You crack me up! This is our 2nd yr of HS’ing. I was HS’d from 4th thru senior year and i SUCK at geography (and history) too. I’m hoping to get some major help w/ that before it becomes an issue! haaa. It is def not for everyone, and last year I got Sooo.ooo.ooo bored towards the end, but there’s an awesome co-op of like 50 fam’s here in town, so hoping this year gives us the social aspect we so miss. I LOVE homeschooling! I love this read. Esp about eleventeen and the rabbit that says ribbit. It’s amazing our kids grow up to be semi-normal adults w/ the crazy stuff we teach them:) Have a great day. Thanks for the laughs!

  7. LOL!!! Entertaining read! I am NOT a homeschool type either, I wouldn’t be able to come up with 10 reasons why not, however, I just know it’s not for me!!

  8. I’m going to be a hot mess when my little one goes off to Kindergarten. But no homeschooling for me either. If you check out the post I put up today, you’ll understand why. 🙂

  9. I found you through craft-o-maniac. I saw your post title and was all ready to get defensive and tell you how great homeschooling can be. This was hilarious! As are all your other posts. your family must always be cracking up.

  10. Loretta Porter says:

    I agree with Sue – it’s all about personal space! I have been very patient for 5 years (well, 6 since my oldest misses the cut-off day by 10 days….grrr) and I deserve some quiet time to sleep….or pin. 😉 Four more years and then all 3 of my kids will be in kindergarten!! WOO!

  11. naomijameston says:

    I was thinking about doing cyber school, too, but I’m not sure yet. How is it going for you guys? What grade are you starting? How do you handle socializing with kids the same age as yours?

  12. Totally agree with your homeschool idea! I have girlfriends who homeschool and I’m seriously amazed by them. My husband asked me once if I’d consider homeschooling our kids and I was like ” Do you want them to be illerate?” I’m already cringing the thought that homework will be starting up again soon. Seriously fighting and 3rd grader with homework is enough, nevermind being his sole teacher- Yikes! Holly 🙂

  13. Nope. No danger here of going the homeschool route. None at all. And I’m confused–no eleventeen??

  14. A wise move on your part, girl. You need the time to get that book written. ESPECIALLY now that I have back-up from a psycic….whoa…that’s not how you spell that. Psychic….that’s better. Psy…chic. Whatever. You know what I mean!

  15. Okay, I am pretty sure – in fact – POSITIVE – that I never taught you that a rabbit goes ribbit! The rabbit was right before the frog and for the rabbit I always wiggled my nose – which of course is silent – and THEN I moved onto the frog. You must have been a beat behind is all I can think of…..I had to teach to your brother you know – the pace was fast…….ha! sorry, I couldn’t resist that one 🙂

    Anyway, my grandchildren are all brilliant and beautiful and it won’t matter where they go to school 🙂 (but please don’t consider homeschooling – know your limits 🙂 )
    Love You!
    Mom

  16. Love it! I’ve been h.s. for a while now and am still surprised to be doing it. It’s fun and hard all at the same time.

    My littlest boy says “threeth” instead of third, no matter how many times I tell him:)

  17. you can get him to pee in the pool by buying a few rubber duckies (the oriental trading pack of 20 works). throw them in the pool and tell him to sink the ducks. pee happens. (same as cheerios in the potty, only outdoors). as a bonus, he practices aiming where it doesn’t make a mess.

  18. I totally get you. As far as I’m concerned, there’s gonna be no home schooling going on in my home either…unless the hubs decides he’d like to share his genius with our kids because mama sure won’t be.

  19. Hi Naomi! We are just starting kindergarten, so we are very new to the process, but so far so good. There is a tab labeled “homeschool” on my blog where you can follow our journey if you are interested. We are using Agora through k12. I really appreciated all of the curriculum materials they sent and all of the professionals who are available to help and answer questions. There are several families from our church who cyber school as well and so far I have only heard good things. As far as socialization, we have a family membership to the YMCA, we meet with a MOPS-style group twice a month, we have joined a community bible study that will meet once a week during the school year, our church has a youth program called Olympian Club on Wednesday nights, and my son did t-ball this year, and my daughter (age 3) is in dance class and does go to preschool two days a week. We also used to be part of a playgroup through our local library. There are a lot of opportunities for socialization out there!

  20. I considered homeschooling when my girls were born but have since enrolled one in school and will when the youngest is ready. It’s a personal choice like breastfeeding.

    I did read a good argument for homeschooling when I was considering. You made a lot of points about what you didn’t know…just remember everything you don’t know YOU learned in school.

  21. SO funny! I was homeschooled :o) But, I am not homeschooling my kids :o) I came over from Someday crafts. I’ve opened up my successful food party to crafts this week, would love for you to stop by! http://www.nap-timecreations.com

  22. That is too funny! I’m not going to homeschool my daughter either. Sometimes our personalities clash…which probably wouldn’t make for a great teaching environment. Actually, we are a lot alike…stubborn. Visiting from 36th Ave. Would love it if you would share this at my Make it Pretty Monday party at The Dedicated House. http://thededicatedhouse.blogspot.com/2012/08/make-it-pretty-monday-week-9.html Hope to see you at the bash! Toodles, Kathryn @TheDedicatedHouse

  23. This list is right. I love it. Me too. I don’t want that my kids will have home school since they can’t enjoy their childhood.

  24. Okay, I’m laughing so hard that tears are coming! You are stink’n funny! And no, you should not homeschool!

  25. You make my stomach aching. I laugh on your words here. Now, I will not consider homeschool for my kids.

  26. LOL

    I have no desire to homeschool my kids, either.

  27. Eleventeen! I love it! There should definitely be an eleventeen! Who do we have to talk to to make that happen? Hmm? I have a 3 yr old grandson who likes to do crafty projects with me & while back we were painting a wooden birdhouse but he got bored & told me to do it for him. He picked up his wooden clock – a former crafty project & played with the clock hands. Then he ran over to show me what time the clock says “It’s 48 pounds Gigi! It’s time to go get my mommy!” 😀 😀 😀

    So we need to add an eleventeen to the numbers and a 48 pounds to the clock if someone will just tell us who we need to talk to to make that happen …?

  28. I totally didn’t understand why #5 was there until I read your note to mom. “Oh, it’s a PEACOCK!” is the actual thought that went through my mind.

    And I’m homeschooling. Scary stuff I tell ya.

  29. Oh, and I just asked my husband how many states there are

    “52,” he said.

    No lie. I’m going to ask him if he knows Mr. Huntley.

  30. When my daughter developed anxiety and panic attack as a sophomore in high school, we tried many different ways to get her back into school. For the 2nd semester of her freshman year, she was provided a tutor who can to our home and taught her, as her problems were correctly considered an illness. When we tried to get her the same help as a sophomore, they turned her down. Apparently in Texas, mental illness is given a cut off point unlike other illnesses. I guess someone, somewhere decided you should “just get over it in a certain # of months”. I fought with them as much as I could. The only answer I was given was to enroll her in a special school for kids with behavioral problems!!! She did not have behavioral problems & I am quite certain her panic attacks would have increased 100% if she had attended this school. I finally gave up, took her out of school and tried to home school her. I was a complete failure!!! We decided to sign her up for an on-line school and it was wonderful. She kept up the straight A grades she had in regular school and graduated from high school 9 months before all of her peers who were attending normal school. She is now in college and getting straight As. Something happened at that high school that caused her severe panic. We don’t know what it is, but I am so glad I made the decision to not let the school system ruin her life. I was also a never home school Mom too, but sometimes the school system makes the decision an easy one for you.

    Love your post, made me laugh hysterically & it is just why I would never voluntarily home school my daughters!!

  31. OMG-laughed out loud through the entire post. My husband now thinks I’m crazy!

    This is so perfect–why am I just now discovering your blog?! I’m glad that I have!

  32. I’m considering homeschool but your post was hilarious! I am all about pinning a ton and the few things I try turn into “pinstrosities.” And I LOVE eleventeen!! My 3 year old says “Friderday” is what comes after Thursday. And I encourage it-I have changed my vocabulary to match!! OK, so maybe I need to re-think homeschool-haha…..But maybe that’s the point-we always learn more from them than they from us!

  33. Great post! I’m a teacher, and I don’t think I could homeschool. Love that you said you can’t even convince your kids to pee in the pool, so you are not sure you’d be able to convince them algebra will come in handy. I teach other people’s kids all day, but when I help my first grader with homework, he’s convinced I have no idea what I am doing!

  34. Too funny. Love the list.We homeschool in Australia.
    I had a giggle about eleventeen – there is a maths curriculum called MUS (from the US) that actually does introduce 11 & 12 as eleventeen and twelveteen. It makes sense to the kids.

    And Naomi..love the idea of “cyber school”. I think I may need to track down a tardis though to get to it.

  35. Wow! I just found your blog through the four kids post/you are so funny!!!

  36. Product of American Public school system. Better to let your kids independently enjoy pursuing their own interests than to put them into a system that makes them subconsciously dislike learning and end up making a blog like this….

  37. This was great! I totally agree, with six kids my brain is mush and I’d be a terrible terrible. Evident by my two year old who plays hide and seek by covering his eyes, counting 1,2,8,9,10,2, yellowteen FOUND YOU FOUND YOU!!

  38. See my brain is really mush- that should’ve read “terrible teacher…”

  39. Why are you trying to get your kids to pee in the pool?

  40. I agree with you! I laughed super hard at your list and would like to add #10.

    10. Learn how to ignore jerks and navigate social expectations at a young age.

    Thank goodness I didn’t have to learn this as a late teen! Life is full of people, good and bad, and it would be harder to try to be out in the real world without lots of practice on how to deal with both.

  41. Hahaha! Great post. I do homeschool my kids and I was a little nervous to click on your pin (one of those, ‘ok, am I just going to make myself mad by reading this?’ moments) Instead I found myself laughing. And I’ve got to be careful about number 3! lol. I wouldn’t trade homeschooling as it’s a great fit for us and should you ever decide to join the homeschooling crowd, have no worries we’re a supportive bunch and we all learn along with our kids. In fact, more often than not they are MY teachers 😉 Best wishes as you enjoy this last year before kindergarten!

  42. This made me laugh out loud! I hear ya on the Geography . . . for some reason, I think that whenever we have to travel, we will drive through West Virginia!

  43. I love your list ~ gave me a good laugh! I’ve got a similar one. I didn’t think much of homeschooling until I read an article by a dad who commented that he heard the #1 Reason for NOT homeschooling was that the mom didn’t feel qualified. Then he made the point that if we came out of school with these mistakes, the education given to us was less than perfect, and is that the same education we want our kids to get (the one that made us, “unqualified”)? In other words, have the schools improved since you were a student, so that your kids will get a better education than yours?

  44. Please do not homeschool your children. Social skills are a must. Working with other children in a classroom environment is the best way to learn academically as well as learning life skills. This is coming from someone just coming out of a public high school.

  45. But I loved your list! and good luck(:

  46. THANK YOU for this refreshingly funny list!! I came across it while researching options for my kids- and was starting to feel like I was drowning in melodrama! People on all sides turn into prideful, defensive, judgmental mama bears who insist their own personal conclusion on education is the only logical one! Not to make light of this important decision- but GOOD GRIEF- We all need to breath, laugh, and take ourselves less seriously sometimes!!!

  47. Another reason that you should not homeschool, is . . . because the public school system worked so well for you.

  48. Michelle Westendorp says:

    I think you put too much faith in the public school system.

  49. Since you seem to think so little of your own level of knowledge, you won’t mind my saying that you’ve got the homeschool parent’s role all wrong–we do not need to be experts, only guides, facilitators, co-learners, and models of learning and the values we wish to pass on. You might need to unlearn more (like what learning looks like, and what its its purpose) than you need to learn to be a good homeschooler. You are a good communicator, and that’s huge!

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