My Husband

When I get REALLY mad at Even Steven…

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When Even Steven and I were dating in college, he would often come to my dorm room. We’d snuggle on my bed on Thursday nights and watch Friends.

And then one week, he wouldn’t come over.

“You eat in bed. I hate sitting on crumbs. It’s gross.”

Even Steven

I’m sure this launched into some type of discussion about dorm rooms and how your bed is also your couch, your chair and your table – but I can’t really remember. I just know that Even Steven said he wouldn’t be coming over again until I stopped eating in bed.

So I did. (What can I say? I was young and in love.)

And after finally convincing him that I was no longer eating in bed and guaranteeing him a crumb-free place to sit – he came over for our Thursday night Friends date.

Things were going well, until he reached beneath my pillow and pulled out a dirty cupcake wrapper.

Cupcake Wrapper

A cupcake wrapper.

Under my pillow.

In my bed.

That I had promised never to eat in again.

Even Steven got up and left without a word.

These days, when I’m annoyed with Even Steven I slap his head onto someone else’s body to feel better.

But when I’m really mad, I eat toast in bed.

22 Comments

  1. Dawn

    March 8, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Ha! I like the way you think!

  2. Danielle Higginbottom-Brown

    March 8, 2012 at 7:21 am

    omg!!! you are too funny!!! When I’m really mad ad my hubby I make him chili with 3 beans and “forget” to rinse them!!!!!

  3. Patricia

    March 8, 2012 at 8:06 am

    hahaha – I love the way you fight. That is just so sneaky.

  4. sue

    March 8, 2012 at 8:25 am

    hahaha! evil I tell you! I just ignore mine when he’s pissing me off.

  5. Stacey

    March 8, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Bwahahaha. How very passive aggressive of you! Genius.

  6. Kim

    March 8, 2012 at 9:28 am

    So Even Steven is a neat freak…after him cleaning lights, and being bothered by things like cupcake wrappers…Jeez. You know what else is good to eat in bed? Graham Crackers, or better yet, smores. LOL

  7. Kai

    March 8, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Got a goooood one for you, Anna! There’s a dried fish (tiny) that Nigerians eat in soooo many ways. It stinks. Seriously. You can walk into the African grocery stores, buy a Coke, walk out, and SMELL like those cursed fish for a week. They just creep into your skin. Wait! NO, NO, NO! I’m NOT suggesting you EAT them (tho’ I have, and once cooked, they aren’t too bad) but just BUY 2 or 3 & stick ’em in Even Steven’s sock or underwear drawer. THEN – to REALLY make your point – eat something in bed. Something crumbly AND something sticky. On HIS side of the bed. (Even Steven is NEVER going to let ME visit, is he? Sigh. I doomed myself.) BWAHAHAHA!

  8. katie

    March 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

    even better…..slap some butter on that toast…..

  9. Leanne

    March 8, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Nice! I love it! Way to go Anna!

    Leanne

  10. GinaE

    March 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    You could also add some crackers to the mix. Always love reading your blog!

  11. Heather

    March 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    OMG, you just made my day! ROFL

  12. Motherhood on the Rocks

    March 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    ha ha! Nature Valley Granola Bars are super crumbly…

  13. imklvr

    March 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Oh, this was REALLY good! I didn’t see that coming! And look at all the evil you evoke from others! Wonderful! No….BRILLIANT! Yes, only a REAL writer can evoke feelings like this in other people.

    Are you convinced yet?

  14. Rose37

    March 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Everyone feels that in the same way, madness is an essential feelings in which people experience when dealing the reality of life..

  15. Sue

    March 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Bwahahahaha. That cracked me up. I hate crumbs in bed and so does my other half, but I will admit to being p****d off with him one time and letting the kids jump on his side of the bed while eating crackers.

  16. Alexis

    March 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    I have never been mad enough at my husband to smack him, and so few things actually bother him that I have to find other ways. I usually tell him that I hope he stubs his toe or hits his funny bone or gets a sliver. A couple of times this has actually worked and we laughed hysterically. He was being a pain one time and I told him I hoped he’d stub his toe. Not five minutes later he did, on the fire place rocks. It hurt for a few days. Did he learn his lesson, no. Was I totally giddy that it worked, absolutely.

  17. Sandra

    March 8, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I’ve stolen your idea – I placed my husband’s head on an LLbean model {it now hangs on the fridge} I thought that was hilarious so…I posted the dog’s head on an LLbean dog model {yup, they have those}. Thanks for the great ideas and laughs.

  18. RoryBore

    March 9, 2012 at 12:18 am

    well played dear! LOL

  19. sparkling74

    March 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I gasped. First of all, I have never eaten in bed, even when my dorm room was the size of a shoe box. BUt most importantly, I gasped because how can you eat a cupcake in bed and leave the wrapper with all of that frosting that will smear all over the sheets. I can’t stop shuddering over that one!

    Did you ever stop to think how weird it was in college that everyone would always be in each other’s bedrooms because that’s all we had? I remember one time saying that I thought it was so weird. The last thing I would do as an adult it bring you into my bedroom and have you sit on my floor while we do some kind of work or watch tv. So. Weird.

  20. danee

    March 10, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    I so love your weird tendency to plop his head onto add bodies. The more wonky and badly photoshopped the funnier it is. Maybe we all wish we had the guts to do that …my husband’s sense of humor is terrific UNLESS we are talking about HIM. Then he completely lacks a sense of humor….

  21. jennibell

    March 12, 2012 at 12:22 am

    My husband has the same adversity. . .I’m never, ever allowed to have food in the bed. When he’s out of town. . .well. . .I just make sure I change the bed before he gets back 🙂 Eating toast in bed. . .that’s a good one!

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