Laughs

Naked and Afraid

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I would like to tell you that in my spare time, I watch really important television shows – like Dateline or something… newsy.

You know – so that when Even Steven tries to have a conversation with me that doesn’t revolve around what I found in Simon’s diaper (a toothbrush!) or what time I saw the neighbors leave for work (five minutes late!) – I’ll have something to actually say.

Something like, “Wow – I couldn’t believe what happened in China today – could you?”

But – instead – I spend my free time watching an inspiring new show called: NAKED AND AFRAID

Have you seen this thing?

It’s like Survivor meets nudist camp meets trashy television. I can’t stop watching it.

A man and a woman are dropped off in remote jungles without food, water or CLOTHES! And they have to survive for 21 days.

Naked.

Naked and Afraid

Just watching this thing makes me so itchy.

But it’s also inspiring.

In fact, after watching every single episode that has aired so far, I’ve been inspired to create several new shows – that I think will become instant hits.

I don’t want to jinx anything, but I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be famous on television soon.

Here are just a FEW of my ideas for new television shows…

Naked and Afraid: At The Playground

A mother and her three kids are dropped off at the playground with no food, no snacks, no minivan – and no clothes!

The mom must help her tired, hungry, thirsty children navigate the hot slides (ouch!) and the searing swings (yikes!) all while keeping her (LONG) boobs from dragging in the mulch.

This one will be rated CYE for Cover Your Eyes.

Naked and Afraid: DIY Edition

A woman and her husband must complete a DIY project from start to finish – with no food, no water and NO CLOTHES!

New-Reality-Show-Naked-and-

It will be rated PIYM for Puke in Your Mouth.

It will also be rated CWYPTC for Careful Where You Put the Caulk.

And – it will be rated D for Divorce!

Naked and Afraid: Post Childbirth

Cameras will follow women for six weeks after giving birth. They’ll capture that first bowel movement (ouch!), the first six weeks of sleep deprivation (yikes!) and the moment that the doctor gives the green light to resume “relations” (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!).

For the series finale, all of the women will come back and compete to see who can be the first to sneeze out a tampon.

(Sorry Mom – I just couldn’t resist. I know you’re disappointed in me, but it was totally worth it!)

It will be rated H for Horror!

Like I said – the possibilities are endless.

What would your Naked and Afraid reality show be called?

30 Comments

  1. Janine Huldie

    August 26, 2013 at 7:01 am

    No words and the last I may have lived through twice myself, but seriously would not want to relive through someone else again for all the tea in China!

  2. Kat Caldwell

    August 26, 2013 at 7:19 am

    I can’t wait to read your mums comment on this one lol

  3. Dona

    August 26, 2013 at 8:06 am

    I’m sorry, I don’t watch TV so I have to ask….Naked and Afraid??? Is it a real program??? Or are you making it up?? Sheesh. This would be why I don’t have TV.

    OK, mom. Your turn!!!! Dona

  4. Dona

    August 26, 2013 at 8:06 am

    Oh, and Anna? Stick to writing books, ‘kay?

  5. Desiree White

    August 26, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Sneeze a tampon out! Lol! Did that done that! Super Plus tampons for me!

  6. Alicia

    August 26, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard!

  7. Kasey

    August 26, 2013 at 9:29 am

    LOL! That show definitely makes me itchy~

  8. Samantha

    August 26, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I’m not sure about DIY, but I think Even Steven needs to go on a diet! It’s a shame, he always looked so hunky in your other photos of him, my dreams will never be the same again. 🙁

  9. Ariana

    August 26, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Naked and Afraid, in the Kitchen…Really, you want bacon?!?!!

  10. Christie

    August 26, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Hahaha! Sneeze out a tampon! Hope there is no instant replay….

  11. Anna's Mom

    August 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Oh Dear – I must be really really tired from my Yiayia marathon – but I actually laughed out-loud when I read this….Careful Where You Put the Caulk…. Really? Being married to a contractor – just the word caulk makes me laugh…..and sadly, I can picture you – alone – writing this post and laughing your head off. I can always tell when you get a kick out of a post…and yet you published it anyway…..I think Dona’s right, T.V. Star? Better stick to your day job.

  12. Anna's Mom

    August 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Oh and P.S. I’m NOT even going to comment on the last little finale!!

  13. MomChalant

    August 26, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    I am OBSESSED with this show. I can’t turn away. I really hope they make a second season. I’ve already watched every episode of the first season like 6 times a piece.

    And just to be honest, I’m really wanting to see the post childbirth edition. I would totally watch that. Is it weird that I would totally be intrigued by watching other women’s first bowel movement?

  14. Lia

    August 26, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    You really need to put a warning on posts like these! Something to the effect of “Caution: Mothers may experience slight to moderate loss of bladder due to hysterical laughter.” Good thing I keep a spare pair of yoga pants at work!

  15. Lesley

    August 26, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    It is a real program and it’ s fascinating!

  16. Lesley

    August 26, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    I love Naked and Afraid. Which is crazy because I don’t like to either of the two!! The DIY would result in D for Death instead of Divorce. My husband and I almost kill each other during normal DIY’s forget being naked, starving and tired! Hilarious post, Anna.

  17. Kristin @ OneOrganicMama

    August 26, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    i.love.that.show.

  18. Nicole Shaw

    August 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    “Sneeze out a tampon.” You win. I love you.

  19. Nicole Shaw

    August 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    “Sneeze out a tampon.” You win. I love you.

  20. [email protected]

    August 26, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    You just made my night! Totally worth it!

  21. Mindy

    August 26, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    My husband and I are obsessed with this show. And now I have my sister and BIL hooked. It’s genius, I tell ya. Genius. And I could totally win. Except for the naked thing. I could never do the naked thing.

  22. Frugalistablog

    August 26, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    I’m dying!! You actually wrote, “sneezed out a tampon” !!

  23. Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

    August 26, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Oh my goodness! I just spent 25 minutes at a DINNER PARTY talking about Naked and Afraid! Love you. If only I had this post before the party I could have added to the conversation delightfully with the “sneezing out the tampon” bit. Ellen

  24. Sarah

    August 27, 2013 at 7:54 am

    Love this show!!! Watched the first episode with my hubby and mom! Even our 4 year old enjoys the show. She likes being naked though.

    Naked and afraid – Christmas shopping edition, maybe on black friday. Mom and dad armed with just a credit card searching mall after mall trying to find that most popular toy! Fighting through lines using the credit card like a machete. Making clothing out of store circulars or the yellow tape they use to mark the lines at stores.

  25. Amy

    August 27, 2013 at 8:26 am

    “Sneeze out a tampon” was the very best. You kill me!
    Naked and Afraid: Yardwork Edition would make me thankful I only have poison ivy on my arm and leg right now.

  26. Gina Jacobs Thomas (@totallyfullofit)

    August 27, 2013 at 9:24 am

    I haven’t seen the show, and I’m not going to, for fear of getting sucked in. I can’t even walk around my house naked, let alone being out in the wild in front of a camera. So I guess the contestants have some balls. And do you get to see them? Love the tampon sneezing competition. Do the moms get bonus points for distance?

  27. Marianne

    August 27, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Haven’t seen this show yet….hasn’t come around to my neck of the Woods yet (mexico) …and I’m not sure I’d be able to watch it…I’d probably tell them off for some stupid thing they did or didn’t do. But it sounds fun. I’d def. watch your post pregers show though. Poop, tampón, sex… (forgot about this one) maxipad on the c-section scar ooozzzing… mmmmm all good stuff! I guess we all like to watch THIS stuff, cuz we’ve all been through it. sistah-love! 🙂 Love your articles…. keep -em- coming! <3

  28. christine

    August 27, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    Oh my word, you are hysterical. My husband is addicted to this show, so I’m very familiar. And I love that you went the extra mile and decided to go with the sneezed out tampon.

  29. Sue

    August 28, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Naked and Afraid: Customer Service (Rated BPC for Beware of Paper Cuts)

    Afterall, if I have to be subjected to half-naked customers at my window, shouldn’t I be able to return the favor?

    I think we’ve seen every episode. What I enjoy about it is that 90% of the whining on there is done by the MEN. Suck it up, buttercup! If you burn so easy maybe you should have immediately run for shade or strapped giant banana leaves to your hide BEFORE you burned. And how about not being afraid of everything?! Wusses.

  30. Hollow Tree Ventures

    August 30, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    WHAT is wrong with me that I want to see all those shows?!?!

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