Laughs

Money Issues

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Ever since I quit my job and began staying home full time, Even Steven and I have had some money issues.

No – not those kind of money issues.

I’m referring to the weekly “review” of purchases.

Does something similar happen at your house?

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Once a week, Even Steven looks through our bank and credit card statements, and asks me questions like,

“Did you spend $50 at Trader Joe’s?”

“Did you spend $100 at Target?”

“Did you spend $1.19 at Starbucks?”

That’s what he says.

But what I hear is:

DID YOU SPEND $50 AT TRADER JOE’S?

HOW COULD YOU BE SO CARELESS WITH OUR MONEY?

HOW DARE YOU BUY MILK FOR OUR CHILDREN? YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB, SO WHY ARE YOU SPENDING ALL OF OUR MONEY?

YOU ARE FAT!

So during the weekly “questioning of purchases” last week, I reached my breaking point.

Even Steven wanted to know if I had spent $120 at Target.

I really had no idea how much I had spent, but I knew I had purchased dog food, paper towels, toilet paper and a bathing suit. And I was pretty sure that he was questioning the bathing suit even though he didn’t even know I had purchased it, because I hadn’t told him about it because I hadn’t decided if I was keeping it yet or not (but that’s a story for another day.)

Our conversation went something like this:

Even Steven: Did you spend $120 at Target last week?

Me: Probably. I’m not sure.

Even Steven: You’re not sure? Did you go to Target last week?

Me: YES. I DID. SO WHAT?

Even Steven:

Me: And just so you know, I’m not fat. It’s possible that I haven’t been exercising every single day for the past couple of months, but that’s called LIFE and you’re going to have to get over it.

Even Steven:

Me: Maybe you should go find a wife that doesn’t shop at Target and doesn’t care if we have paper towels or toilet paper and that can still wear her bathing suit from high school. I’m sure she’s out there just waiting for you to ditch me and marry her. I’m sure she would NEVER waste your hard-earned money at Target.

Even Steven:

Me: Fine. I’ll take it all back. I’ll just take the toilet paper rolls off the holders and put them in a bag and return them to Target – along with the paper towels and the dog food. I mean – Big Hairy Dog can probably sustain himself on his own poop. Why are we even bothering to feed him dog food?

Even Steven: Are you finished?

Me: I guess.

Even Steven: Anna, I don’t care how much money you spent at Target.

Buy a new bathing suit if you want to.

I’m really glad that we have paper towels and toilet paper. And I have never in my life thought you were fat.

And I know you aren’t exercising every day, and that’s fine. If you decide you want to exercise, just let me know, and I’ll take the kids.

The reason I go over purchases is to make sure that they’re actually OUR purchases and that no one has stolen our cards.

Me: I’m sure someone is going to steal my credit card and go to Target…

Even Steven: You never know…

Guess who called three days later to confirm a Target purchase?

Yup. American Express.

You know that $120 Target purchase that Even Steven was asking me about?

Apparently someone stole my credit card numbers and tried to use my card at a Target in California.

Which means that Even Steven was right.

And he’s looked like this ever since…

Happy Even Steven

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35 Comments

  1. Janine Huldie

    April 8, 2013 at 6:55 am

    Anna, I think because we stay at home and are not making a real salary paycheck that we automatically think this way when asked questions about money from our husbands, because believe me I get my back up against the wall too at times and was reading this nodding my head. Scary though about your credit card and hope it all ended well. Seriously though need to stop doing this to myself, too!!

  2. Ellen

    April 8, 2013 at 7:52 am

    I hate that I don’t make my own money! I do feel guilty every time I have to go buy something. That was a really funny story, he sounds like a good guy!!
    That freaking sucks about your credit card!

  3. April

    April 8, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Hilarious! Love lurking on your blog. Good stuff!

  4. thedoseofreality

    April 8, 2013 at 8:08 am

    HA HA HA HA!! This would be a conversation in our house as well! Too funny! 😉 Our credit card got stolen and Mastercard knew it wasn’t me because the thief was not actually shopping at Target! 😉

  5. Krista

    April 8, 2013 at 8:15 am

    Don’t you just hate it when they are right?

  6. JD Bailey @ Honest Mom

    April 8, 2013 at 8:33 am

    OMG. Dying here. That is EXACTLY the conversation Hubs and I have – up to the stolen credit card number part. Well – wait – that’s happened too! LOL!

  7. Bad Parenting Moments

    April 8, 2013 at 8:37 am

    Oh Anna! You always crack me up.

  8. Carrie Zier

    April 8, 2013 at 8:40 am

    This is so exactly me and my hubs that it’s both reassuring and frightening 🙂 … there’s nothing better than reading a post that is so “you”. Will we ever get over that we aren’t bringing our own money in? I don’t know – I still struggle with it and it’s been 12 years.
    So glad I found your blog!

  9. amy

    April 8, 2013 at 9:06 am

    I have a problem of getting these questions and I do work and I make a boat load more than my husband. He still asks me these questions. I still give him the check book to reconcile as if that’s going to make him feel better and as if that’s going to make me feel better. We both feel bad about it. Just when I think I should take over the check book, I foget how to do math and screw it up and then he takes it back. It’s horrible but I do the same thing, ask him questions to be sure that someone didn’t steal our cards. My husband asks me questions because he wants to know why I spend so much money, though. I’m convinced he thinks I’m bad with our money but I’m not, I just like to spend it.

  10. Amy

    April 8, 2013 at 9:38 am

    In defense of the person who stole your credit card, they probably only went in for one thing. I’m sure they had no intention of spending that much money.

  11. GK Adams

    April 8, 2013 at 9:40 am

    This made me giggle! Don’t you hate when they’re right? Great post!

  12. Dona

    April 8, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Oh, girl! Too funny! Except the stolen card part. I had my debit card hacked a couple of months ago, but my bank was ON IT! They called me the very day it was happening….someone trying to get gas in El Paso, Texas! They know I’m in AZ, so BAM! They closed that card and sent me a new one. Now, quit feeling so guilty. Wanna make money from home? Write a book!

  13. Momchalant

    April 8, 2013 at 10:19 am

    HAHA don’t you just hate when they’re right? This actually JUST happened to us. There was a $300 purchase at Walmart.. who spends that much at Walmart?!

    But. Our bank didn’t catch it. Luckily, I did. The fraud department refunded our money about a week later, then TOOK IT BACK OUT a month later because they denied our case. They thought WE spent $300 at Walmart in Arkansas.. we live in Tennessee and have no time for traveling.

  14. Ali - Off The Mark

    April 8, 2013 at 10:34 am

    omg too funny. My husband does the same thing, but only for purchases over a certain amount, he never would have caught a fraudulent $120 at Target.

  15. Amy (My Real Life)

    April 8, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I do have a full-time job and my husband and I still have the same conversation every time the credit card bill comes in. Thank god there was a month where he stopped bringing his lunches from home and I could counter with, “Yes, yes I did spend that much money at the bookstore. Did YOU seriously eat out for lunch every day for two weeks?” Ahhh…payback.

  16. Darcy Perdu

    April 8, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Omigosh, I did NOT see that ending coming! Score one for psychic Even Steven!

  17. Cheryl Nicholl

    April 8, 2013 at 11:25 am

    This so crazy- Even Steven was right? Oh my God, my whole concept of the world is crumbling before my eyes.

  18. Lyndsey P

    April 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Ha! Go figure! I’ve cut back to working only part time, and we go through the same inquisition, except it’s usually phrased more like Him:What did you buy at Aldis for $60? Me: Uh, groceries! What did you buy at the party store for $30? Him:Uh, beer! Sigh

  19. Adrienne

    April 8, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    We got through that too. We’re trained that we’re not contributing if we’re not making money. So, we get defensive when it comes time to go over the accounts. I think it’s something most SAHMs do.

  20. KpMcD

    April 8, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    This is one of those posts that hits so close to home I actually struggled with whether to laugh or be mad with you. I have a job, but I am far from being the bread winner. My checks could maybe buy us dinner once a week as long as it’s fast food.
    When the Mister does his reviews I almost always just want to hide under a rock. I know he’s got the best of intentions but it seems to be the easiest way to bring our every insecurity I’ve ever harbored!

  21. Rebecca

    April 8, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    $120 at Target? They got out cheap! It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one who will take an entire question out of context, put my own guilty spin on it, and then stick my foot straight in my mouth!

  22. Kathy at kissing the frog

    April 8, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    There you go again, stepping right on into my head (but of course doing it funnier). I always get so paranoid when Hubby asks me money questions, and then yes, imagining him calling me fat or lazy or stupid or a bad cook or whatever. Sigh . . .Ain’t it great that they love us so? 🙂

  23. The Sadder But Wiser Girl

    April 8, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    Oh Anna! We have that conversation all the time! My husband asks me if I went shopping at Target or Fareway INNOCENTLY-and I do the whole guilt freak out thing. Recently I felt guilty for buying socks, yes socks, because my kids have no pairs of socks that match. He never means it that way, but I always take it that way. It doesn’t help that groceries are SOOOO expensive these days. 😉 You’re not alone-and goodness, I hope you were able to get that all straightened out with the credit card! My husband smiles just like that when he’s right!

    PS-I was subbing up until this last week and have missed a lot of blog reading. I’m happy to be back and able to read your blog regularly again! 😀

  24. Pam

    April 8, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    I’m dying laughing. Anna thank you thank you thank you for this post. I have the same arguments with my husband about Target and Safeway purchases. And I feel the same way you do.

  25. sandy

    April 8, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Poor Even Steven he does not have a snowballs chance in hades.My daughter and hubby went on a date one nite.Dinner and a movie.The waitress said the machine up front was broke so she went in the back with their card.A few hours after they got home that nite the credit card co.called and asked if she had just ordered 800.00$ purse.Seems the gal at the restaurant wrote down their #.She did not get far though.Give Even Steven a gold star for this one.

  26. Laura

    April 9, 2013 at 3:34 am

    Great post! Mirror image of my relationship.

    Will miss the webinar- raging! Im GMT which means it’ll be 2am.

    Sad face.

    I need it.

    My child is feral.

  27. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons

    April 9, 2013 at 7:43 am

    OMG!! My husband does the exact same thing. He travels for work, so he’ll be out of town and call to say “Did you spend $57.22 at Target today?” Like you, I am a SAHM and often get offended by his questioning. However, I’m sure he is probably doing it for the same reason as Even Steven! Lesson learned! 🙂

  28. Jennifer Anthony

    April 9, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Yes, yes, and yes. This entire conversation happened in my house – including the theft. (o.k. I didn’t accuse my husband of calling me fat but I’m sure it was something similar) What is it about Target?! Bullseye satan.
    I stayed home for 10 years (we have two boys, 12 and 9) then had to go back to work due to some rough financial patches we went through. I have to say – now that I’ve had a job for the past two years and signed up for my own online access to our acccounts – we have not had this conversation. 😛

  29. Adrienn

    April 11, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Ugh…this just happened to us a couple months ago, although my husband has absolutely NO idea how the money is spent. I go through purchases weekly to make sure I still have enough to pay the bills…sometimes I do, sometimes…well, sometimes I’m taking stuff back to get the money back to pay the bills. But, thank god I do the weekly check because someone stole my debit card numbers and bought over $500 at a Walmart in California (I wish I lived in Cali and could spend $500…but I would go to Target, not Walmart) and I was able to stop the pending purchases before they went through. I was surprised how many people were all, “Oh, yea…someone stole my card numbers once” I guess it happens all the time. Jerks.

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  31. Daughter of Maat

    April 14, 2013 at 7:25 am

    This was hysterical! I know it probably wasn’t all that funny at the time though! Your hubby is a wonderful man!!! 😀

  32. Angie

    April 14, 2013 at 11:29 am

    Seriously – this happens to me too, except I’m the nerd so I’m the one questioning my husband: “Did you spend $15 on Mexican? $10 on DQ? $75 on gas?” It leads to so many arguments!

  33. Leslie @ The Bearded Iris

    April 15, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Oh snap! I HATE when they are right! Bastards! (So funny though, Anna. I’m glad you guys caught that scammer before it was too late! Scary stuff!)

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  35. ella

    December 11, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Theres a huge chance this post could save my marriage, until we had our babies I was the higher earner so conversations like that really irk me x

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