My Husband

Sometimes, I Wish I was Married to a Woman

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Some days, I really wish that I was married to a woman.

Back when the kids were in daycare, one of the girls in Alice’s class had two moms. Here’s what I witnessed on a daily basis:

Mom 1 drops something on the floor while carrying the baby.

Mom 2 (because of course they’re doing drop-off together!) RUSHES over to pick up what Mom 1 dropped and says something like, “Don’t you dare bend down – you’re carrying our little girl. I’ll get that for you!”

If they were this nice to each other at daycare drop-off, I can only imagine what their home life was like.

Honey – you have PMS. Let me make dinner, clean up after us and then bring you some dark chocolate.

Honey – you got to be pregnant with our child. Can I PLEASE be the one that breastfeeds her and gets up in the middle of the night with her? Please let me experience that – since I didn’t get to feel her kick inside of me.

Honey – I got us mani/pedis together to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Sound good?

Honey – I got us the greatest shirt to share. You can wear it first.

Honey – I’ve been trying out this new eye serum – you just have to try it. It’s fabulous!

Honey – have you lost weight? You look amazing.

Honey – I just talked to your mother. God – I love that woman. I sent her a ton of pictures of our little cutie pie and then I also invited her down to stay next week with us. Won’t that be fun?

Honey – you have a headache again tonight? Oh my gosh – I do too! What a coincidence…

Unfortunately, Even Steven is so smoking hot that I would never leave him for a woman. But wouldn’t it be nice?

Hot Even Steven


  1. Dawn

    January 30, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Ha, ha- Too funny- especially appreciate the breastfeeding and mani-pedis! ol

  2. Dawn

    January 30, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Ha, ha- Too funny- especially appreciate the breastfeeding and mani-pedis! lol

  3. Samantha

    January 30, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I’m not fully convinced on Even Steven’s new belly chain….he may wish to reconsider that if he wants to keep hold of you 🙂

  4. Kim

    January 30, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I seriously have said this to my BF multiple times, because I will marry her…lol. TWO Moms to do the dishes??? One would be washing the counters while one loads…and you know the best part of this scenario is, it would be done right!! Ughhh…I need to get myself a wife.

  5. Nancy Hill

    January 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Oh my, what a dreamlife, never again would I have to drop what I was doing to go “find” something for my spouse, who couldn’t see it just because it wasn’t right dead center and in front! Glory be!

  6. Danee

    January 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

    OMG…the story was funny…not laugh-out-loud funny but funny…ironic funny…I-sooo-know-what-you-are-talking-about funny. Then I see Even Steven’s head badly photoshop’d onto a bare chest and I try to formulate a funny comment regarding your bad photoshop- cuz all I can see is his head and chest are NOT in the same direction…then I see the green…no light green…er MINT? green….oh so…shiny…SHINY….pants and I LOL’d and actually spit.

    On a more serious note- have you ever noticed couples in Ann Arbor. They act like 2 women married…they share caring for the kids….there is no sex role differentiation. I live for Zingerman’s (I went to UM as did my husband and we meet there). Ari (the owner) is my secret husband. Anyway, sit at Zingermans and watch A2 yuppies parents…I love that they are equals. It is an enigma that I’ve only witnessed in A2

  7. Rachel

    January 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I often say I could use a wife!

  8. Michelle

    January 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Not too long ago my hubby and I were talking about these new shows (well I guess not so new) about having more than one wife. So one day I asked him if he would please bring me home a new wife…one that enjoyed the cleaning and laundry and cooking dinner so I wouldn’t have to do that anymore. Also one that loved the dogs and would bathe them and take them for walks. He said that sounds more like a maid to which I replied, sure but you already told me you won’t pay for one of those so I figured a second wife would be free! He thought I was crazy! So I just dropped my head in defeat and walked away. Turns out that the more you think about it, the more he’s right…ugh I hate when he’s right!

  9. imklvr

    January 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Too hilarious!!! Men, ya know? Can’t live with ’em and ya can’t shoot ’em.

  10. The Pepperrific Life

    January 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    You are so funny! 🙂
    As for me, I guess I won’t be remarrying in a while…

  11. HouseTalkN

    January 31, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    I just told a lesbian friend to stop taunting me with all her “shared mani-pedi, foot rub, shared wrinkle cream, no burping” talk. Show off. Why does she get to be the lesbian? huh? Huh?
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  12. Brandy Miller

    February 1, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I cannot stop laughing. Lesbians have it made. How sad for the rest of us!

  13. Evergreen Eden

    February 5, 2012 at 2:52 am

    I rest my case! Hilarious. 🙂

  14. Jessica

    February 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

    If I had a wife it would be awesome because we could share each other’s clothes! Just one big closet and no stinky man shoes.
    The things they would say to each other makes me think of the Ryan Gosling “Hey Girl” thing on Pinterest. Haha!

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