Lies My Mother Told Me: Part II

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So now you know about the rare voice gene that runs in my family – the one that doesn’t work with microphone technology.

Did you also know that we have an extra vertebrae in our back?

Oh, yes, we do.

And attending organized dance lessons after the first grade puts us at high risk for paralyzation.

No kidding.

Oh wait – that’s just another lie my mother told me.

In first grade, I took modern dance classes.

I loved them.

My friend and I went together, and I thought I was such a good dancer. I loved the recitals. I loved the costumes. I loved feeling like I was really good at something.

My mother, on the other hand, apparently dreaded the long drive to dance class.

Didn’t enjoy the long recitals.

Wasn’t impressed with the costumes.

So after my first year of dance had wrapped up, and I was bubbling over about how next year I wanted to take jazz and tap too, my mom told me the “truth.” It went something like this:

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I should have told you this sooner, but I didn’t want to ruin your year of dance and make you worry.

There’s a very rare gene that runs in our family.

I have it, your grandma has it, your great-grandma has it.

We have an extra vertebrae in our lower backs. That’s why we can’t touch our toes.

And dancing after the first grade is very dangerous when we have this extra vertebrae.

Dancing in first grade is perfectly safe, but once you get to second grade, doing any type of organized dance could cause you to become paralyzed.

Dancing at home is safe.

Or going to school dances when you’re older is okay too.

But there’s something weird about organized dance that puts us at very high risk for being paralyzed.

And I love you – and I don’t want you to be paralyzed. So I’m sorry that you can’t dance next year.”

Yes. I believed her.

No. I never took another dance class again. And no – I can’t dance to save my life.

But wait – that wasn’t the last lie she ever told me…


  1. Linda

    June 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Oh my gosh!! Anna!! I KNOW you were in dance longer than one year!! And if I remember correctly YOU didn't want to continue on with dance!!!
    Your friends must think you were raised by an idiot!! And it's not an extra vertebrae it's a fusion-type thing and your Uncle Steve had it too so there!

  2. sparkling74

    December 29, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    And this woman was put in charge of other children’s futures?? Amazing 🙂

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  5. Margaret

    February 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    HAHAHAH! That is hilarious. Your Mom sounds like she’s quite a character.

    My Dad told my 3 older sisters and me that there was a “potty monster” who lived in our potties and would come out and bite us in the butt if we sat on it for too long. To this day, we are the 4 fastest restroom-users.

    Also, he told us that if any boy saw our bellybuttons we would have to marry him. I believed this for a long, LONG time and was very cautious of keeping my bellybutton completely covered.

  6. Stevie M

    February 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    haha, that’s great: )

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  9. Kristin C.

    May 10, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Clicked over from the Tina post and I have to say I’m giggling over my work keyboard! I love this and I love that your mom was the first one to comment on it, lol.

    Oh, and I remember when I changed my name to Joanna 😉

  10. Trisha

    June 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    That is great! I think you mom and my mom would get along well. I grew up on a farm and every activity my mom didn’t want to run us to she said was only for town kids. Like Girls Scouts. She even said you had to live in town to be in 4-H. I must not have been a very bright kid though becuase I believed her. Hello – 4-H only for town kids?!?

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