Laughs

A Letter to My Family

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Dear Family,

After last night’s antics, I think a letter is the only way to really express myself.

Alice – I’m sorry you had such a bad tummy ache last night. I’m sorry that watching television and reading books for two hours in the middle of the night didn’t help. And I think it’s sweet that you insisted on having three bandaids put on your tummy – but that didn’t help either. And I’m glad you didn’t have appendicitis (well, according to the book I referenced). But I would like to say this: the next time I’m up with you from midnight – 2 am, the least you could do is sleep in past 7 am in the morning. Seriously.

Simon – I’m not sure what kind of crack you’re smoking, but you don’t eat at 3 am. And you don’t eat at 5 am either. Period. You’re still my favorite – but please get it together.

Miles – The reason no one was up at 5:30 this morning, is because that is the middle of the night. And it’s very clever of you to come BACK into my room at 6 am to say you need to poop – but the next time you do that – you better really need to poop. None of this smiling at me while you sit on the potty to pee. Thanks.

Oh – and I know you hid the phone last weekend. Everyone knows it was you. Please just tell us where you put it!

Even Steven – Just tell me what you’d like my response to be next time you wake up in the middle of the night with a sharp shooting pain in your chest and arm. When you’re moaning and can’t move one side of your body, my natural reaction is to try to help. I’m sorry that all I could think to do was turn on the light and ask you to smile to make sure you weren’t having a stroke. But if you really think that you just slept on your arm wrong, and it fell asleep, then say that immediately before I have a heart attack. And don’t act annoyed when I try to save your life.

Big Hairy Dog – This has nothing to do with last night, but it needs to be said. Don’t stand in the yard and eat poop all day long and then act surprised when no one wants to pet you and snuggle with you.

Thank you all for listening. Let’s try a lot harder tonight, okay?

XO
Mom

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53 Comments

  1. Erika

    September 2, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    OH MY GOSH!!! You are hilarious!!!!! I am still laughing out loud!!!!

  2. Susan

    September 2, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Thanks for a laugh this morning! …oh, and sorry you got no sleep!

  3. The Tall Chick

    September 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Ugggg….. I don't even want to imagine what all that was like. Hoping tonight is better.

  4. Madison

    September 4, 2011 at 9:36 am

    LMAO! You never fail to make me guffaw!

    Madison xxx

  5. Kristi

    September 9, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    You are so hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! I am gonna have to be a follower, I just found you today!

  6. Corinna

    September 9, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    OMG….I am DYING laughing!

  7. hawkeyejlp

    September 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    LOVE it.
    ~Your newest follower

  8. Zombiemommy

    November 4, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Hilarious. That is why my name is Zombiemommy. With 4 kids in 5 years I didn't sleep much at all. Doesn't sound like the luxury of sleep has found you either.

  9. OneMommy

    November 4, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    This is hilarious! So glad you shared on BF!

  10. Hannah

    November 4, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Eek! Sounds eerily familiar…minus the dog.

  11. Jen

    November 4, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    This is hysterical. Thanks so much for sharing!!

  12. jill

    November 12, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    I just found your blog and I so enjoyed this hilarious entry. The part about your husband could have been my life. thank you for the laugh, I needed it!

  13. Anonymous

    November 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Wow. You sound like a very bitter woman. You "used to have a job and a life, but now you're a mom"?? And your "letter to your family"?

    Oh, and being annoyed with your husband and then posting ridiculous photos of him on fat people's bodies? How childish. I'm sure he's proud. And I'm sure his mother is so "happy" to have you as a daughter in law! NOT.

    There are plenty of women who would love to have a family. Too bad you have one that you don't appreciate.

  14. Anonymous

    November 14, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    That made me laugh so much, its nearly midnight here in the UK everyones in bed the little one will be due a feed in a couple of hours and Ive been trying to shut the computer down for the last 2 hours and then I found your blog and I cant seem to find the off button!! This is so my life but minus one child and the dog. I opened this page expecting to find a soppy love letter telling your family how great everyone is blah blah blah but no you said it in your own way and it was hilarious. If we didnt laugh about these things we would cry epecially with the lack of sleep -good on ya girl for lifting my spirits! x …..And to anonymous whos just written that message above …thank God your not my mother(or father), stop taking life so seriously if you dont like it then change the channel my love! x

  15. Lauren

    November 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    This is HILARIOUS!!!

  16. Tricia

    November 17, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I live this often. Very often. I completely understand and find it very relevant to my life. I think I will have to write my own letter soon! Thanks for the honesty.

  17. Shiloh

    November 17, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Haha So funny! I LOVE the little note to your husband. Me and my husband have had a few nights like that.:) Thanks for the smiles.:)

  18. Kimmy

    November 18, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    LOL–I know you had a tough night, but this letter is the kind of thing that's PERFECT as a memento–at your son's wedding, you can read the poop part and he'd probably turn red for the rest of the event. (On 2nd thought, maybe at the Rehearsal dinner, you don't want to ruin the bride's pictures of her Big Day ;P)

    Then again, when you've got teens, you may wish tummy aches and missing phones were the worst of your troubles…. Either way, this is great, keep writing them!!!

  19. Margo

    November 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    You definitely have a talent for finding the humor!

  20. Lindsay

    November 21, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    New follower – oh my, I laughed so hard at this! I need to write my own letter now. Thanks!

  21. Anonymous

    November 22, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Oh MY Goodness! This is so funny. I think my favorite part is the Even Steven part…or the dog part. Well, the whole thing. I didn't get any sleep last night and don't think I'll be getting much tonight. Thanks for the laugh and it doesn't sound bitter, just honest, take it from a mom of 5 with two dogs, a cat and a husband that always seems to be hurting himself (broken rib last month from a dirt bike mishap…and now I find myself sleeping with an 8yr old, a 7 mth old and the cat…all in one bed. Why you may ask…b/c sweet cheeks hubby needs his space to sleep so no one hits his ribs…still). Take mean comments for what they are worth…nothing. Jackie

  22. Kate F. (@katefineske)

    December 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    How diplomatic of you! Loved: "Let's try a lot harder tonight, okay?" And You even included the dog! 🙂 This was hilarious! Ha!

  23. Shell

    December 14, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Oh, I've had nights like this!

    P.S. Do you mind mentioning somewhere that you are joining in PYHO with your posts if you are going to link up? Thanks!

  24. Sara

    December 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Great post! Too funny!

  25. Infertile Mormon Mommy

    December 15, 2011 at 6:22 am

    LMAO… that is all I can say… 🙂

  26. RoryBore

    December 16, 2011 at 4:17 am

    Just the laugh I needed!

  27. Connie

    December 19, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Thanks for the laugh! Halarious! Things always happen all at once especially crazy middle of the night things like this. You have to laugh so you don't cry when they happen.

  28. Sherrie

    December 23, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    ROFL!!! Totally been there and done that. I just found your blog off the link part at TLC. I don’t care what some nasty anonymous person said…your post is hilarious. Every mom has been there, even the ones that struggled with infertility has those moments that you described above…I have three kids in a five year span and sometimes what keeps me going is just seeing the humor in things. As I type I am sitting here with a broken foot…side effect of kid/dog calamity…I love that you share your feelings and do not have a “I’m-so-perfect-I’m-going-to-blog-about-my-perfect-life” blog. Definitely adding your blog to my daily reads!

  29. Anna

    December 23, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Thanks for your awesome comment, Sherrie! I’m very curious about your kid/dog calamity. 🙂 Hope you’re back on your feet again soon!

  30. sue

    January 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

    hahahahaha! this is great!

  31. Danielle Higginbottom-Brown

    January 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    Seriously, I think I just peed my pants……enough said!

  32. Mildred

    January 14, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Thanks so much! I laughed until I cried. My kids are 20, 18, and 15, and I remember those days soooo well. (only I don’t remember them as being quite so funny..) Good job keeping your sense of humor, it will help you survive!

  33. Design Fluff

    January 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    LOL! Even Steven’s arm was my favorite. “When you’re moaning and can’t move one side of your body, my natural reaction is to try to help. I’m sorry that all I could think to do was turn on the light and ask you to smile to make sure you weren’t having a stroke. But if you really think that you just slept on your arm wrong, and it fell asleep,”

    Classic!

  34. Shawna

    January 25, 2012 at 1:56 am

    Loved the arm part also! Funny stuff and no, not bitter. Bitter women try to act perfect and then end up resenting everyone else. Happy women laugh and/or cry and get over it so they can not sleep the next night and love everyone anyway.

  35. Kelly

    February 14, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Anna – Now, this is funny! Annonymous – Get a sense of humor and an identity to comment bravely with. ~Kelly

    unDeniably Domestic

  36. jane

    February 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    You are hilarious Anna! Love to read your post and sense of humor.My favorite is Big hairy dog and Simon.

  37. mindy

    February 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I can see myself saying these exact same words a couple of years down the road. I LOVE your humor, and especially your message to your dog.

  38. Donna M

    March 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Hilarious! I came to this letter because I was wondering what the “mean” comment was all about. This does not sound bitter, it really sounds like someone who can truly see the humor — “after the fact” when you have been up all night. The dog note was too, too funny, tears came to my eyes on that one. The husband thing is so on point. Been there, done that with the “sitting on the toilet just to watch me pee and smile at you”. When you’ve been through all of this you can relate to it on as “war stories” of parenting. I think the Mean Commenter may have been feeling sad or upset about something in their own situation, perhaps the loss of a child, not having a child, marital problems, etc… When you know you love your family, that’s all that matters and of course, when we post things publicly on blogs, etc..we will always be open to criticism of some sort…who isn’t. Anyway, thanks for the good laugh…going back to read it again now 🙂

  39. Becky

    March 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    My dog needs this letter…he can’t understand why we don’t want to snuggle with him anymore…but he is not eating poop. His breath just smells exactly like poop. No amount of bones, doggie breath sticks, or teeth cleaning can solve the problem. Gross.

  40. Jackie

    March 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    This is great! Made me laugh and sounds like what I experience and think, but haven’t put in words in such a funny way. To the negative comment: Get a life and stop trying to make other people miserable. If you’ve ever had small children – and have loved and cared for them…then you will TOTALLY agree with this. Good work Anna! Thanks for speaking for moms everywhere who don’t have the gift of humor or writing!

  41. Cassie

    March 18, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I, too, came to find the “mean” comment. This letter is made of awesome. I laughed right out loud, and then kiddo and hubbs wanted to know the joke. I read the letter and they just looked at me blankly, which made me laugh even harder. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. <3 <3 <3

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  43. Misty K

    March 19, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    too funny! I might have to follow you also. hope that your little lady was all better the next day, how cute of her to ask for a bandaid for her tummy! I think if someone was to read my journal there would be many entries like this. I love the Even Steven arm thing too. I know what you mean about the dog, mine will find things that arent food in our yard left by deer and then want to kiss me when he comes in the house….um NO.
    I am glad that you post real life not the pretty pink roses life picture everyone tries to imagine they have when people are looking..looking forward to more laughs.

  44. JD @ Honest Mom

    March 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    OMG, I just discovered you because of “Finding the Funny” – and this is awesome. I too, am constantly sleep deprived. Except I’m not funny like you.

    “Let’s try a lot harder tonight, okay?”

    LOL!!!

  45. michele

    April 18, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    so I stumbled upon your blog today and have been clicking around. You are hilarious and just the kind of blogger I wish I could be. I try to be funny and real but it just never comes out this right! Love this post. So true…I will be your newest follower. Thanks for the laugh and keeping it real!

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  47. Joe Momma

    May 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Oh. My. GOODNESS!!! I have just stumbled upon your blog and I have been laughing my ass off for the last half hour! Haha, thanks….I needed this….It’s like you are living my life, I can sooooo relate =)

  48. Jennifer

    June 1, 2012 at 2:35 am

    it’s 2:33 I have to be up at 4:00 Can’t stop reading your blogs, Love em!! I was just crying from laughing so hard at this letter! Can I join your family? Seems like you guys have ALOT of fun!! ~NEW FOLLOWER~

  49. Carolynn

    August 7, 2012 at 11:19 am

    That is hilarious. I only have one child but sometimes he makes it seem like three when he needs something constantly in the middle of the night! Okay, maybe that is because I don’t know what it is like to have three. Just found your blog today and I read about the bitter comment. That person must not understand that to have a happy life you have to acknowledge the crummy times.

  50. Ruby

    December 28, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Buahahahaha!!! I just discovered your blog, and have been laughing myself silly. THANK YOU for being so real! I love being a SAHM mom, too, but…. umm… there are moments…. 😉

  51. Maria

    January 18, 2013 at 1:43 am

    I just found your blog. The letter to your family is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I am in physical pain suppressing my laughter and tears so I dont wake up my baby and husband. I passed on your site to a few mommy friends and cant wait to read more. I will now go to sleep so I dont have an angry no sleep morning too.

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  53. April

    February 15, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    I came looking for what the “mean comment” was directed at. I loved this entire post, cause it’s real, and we all feel this way at some point. The fact that you can be funny about it is better than hitting your head against the wall, cause lets face it, we all want to at some point. Keep doing what your doing 🙂

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