Laughs

A Letter to Miles’s Future Wife

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Dear {future} Daughter-in-law,

Now that you and Miles are married, I feel there are a few things you should know:

  • He gets three “chocolate” chips after he poops in the potty. He calls them chocolate chips, but they’re really butterscotch chips – because I’m sure you know what happens when he eats chocolate. Please be sure to keep a bag on hand at all times – he likes them frozen.
  • Speaking of pooping on the potty – if he produces something especially large – he’d like you to photograph it and clap. {His father is the same way.}
  • He insists on a story every night at bedtime. Don’t forget. We used to make the stories funny – but  I think it’s also important to include life lessons. For example, the night before you were married, his story was about a “big boy named Miles” that married a not-nice girl and was miserable for the rest of his life… That’s just an example – I’m sure you can come up with great ones on your own.
  • And – along with the story at bedtime – don’t forget to put Vaseline on his nose. His nosebleeds are no joke, and you’ll be awake during the night if you forget.
  • He likes to watch Curious George while he eats breakfast. Let him.
  • He oftentimes puts his shoes on the wrong feet. We don’t correct him -someday he’ll figure it out on his own. In the meantime, it makes him feel good to do it himself.
  • I’m sure you’ve already noticed this, but he can trash a room in 10 seconds. Don’t leave anything out that can be dumped. Pillows on your couch will be thrown on the floor, magazines will be whipped through the air… you get the idea. Picking up is not one of his strengths.
  • Although he is so messy, he loves to vacuum and clean. Oftentimes in his underwear. I’m sure you’ll enjoy this.
  • He’s obsessed with trash. Please support his passion (but definitely watch him like a hawk. He can get carried away, and you may find all of your good things in the trash.)
  • Time out is extremely effective for Miles. He gets one minute for every year of his age. If you need 20 – 30 minutes away from him, feel free to use the time-out chair.

That pretty much wraps it up. Please don’t hesitate to walk upstairs if you need anything. I’m glad we installed the bathroom in the basement to make your new home more comfortable for you.

XO
Mom

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8 Comments

  1. The Tall Chick

    August 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Hysterical! 🙂

  2. Sue

    August 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Love it! May I borrow your idea for future brides of Jaison and Jeremy?

  3. craftedniche

    August 25, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Oh my goodness. I laughed out loud! I'm not so sure how Miles will feel if he sees this post in his teens…. but I'm sure he'll see the humor in it by the time he's married. Definitely one to keep and read at his wedding. You'd have the entire room ROLLING.

    Dana
    CraftedNiche.wordpress.com

  4. sparkling74

    December 29, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    I almost didn’t read this because I thought it was going to be all sappy and I wasn’t in the mood for sappy. HA HA HA HA HA

  5. Pingback: Perspective « Pondering in My Heart

  6. Mrs B

    June 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    You are so funny! (My son couldn’t tie his shoes til he was 12 … and we both thought it was kind of amusing!)

  7. Nas B

    September 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    I’m slightly confused. He can trash a room really quickly and isn’t good at picking up yet he throws everything in the trash and loves to clean?

  8. realmomofnj

    February 15, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    I think my MIL told my husband that same bedtime story the night before our wedding…

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