Laughs

My Mom Got Pinkeye at the County Jail…

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My mom got pinkeye at the county jail a few years ago.

Sometimes I pretend to have diarrhea so I can hide in the bathroom with the iPad while Even Steven watches the kids.

I had to buy my babysitter a new purse…

I mean – my entire life is basically just one imperfect moment after another – amiright?

So here’s my stab at a few Hallmark Shoebox cards that definitely need to exist. And please, please leave a comment with your card ideas too – I can’t wait to read them!

To my mom:

A special card for every occasion... even getting pinkeye at the county jail.

Sorry that you got pinkeye at the county jail.

Again.

I’ll let my mom share this story with you. It’s a doozy.

To my friends that own the coffee shop:

Throwing up at a coffee shop in Jackson Michigan

I’m sorry I threw up all over your coffee shop.

And in front of your Roly Poly next door.

You can read more about that here.

To our old babysitter:

A card for every occasion... even when your kid cuts up the babysitter's purse.

I’m sorry that one of my kids cut your purse with safety scissors.

Maybe you should have been watching him better.

OR…

Who knew that safety scissors could cut leather?

Notice that I said our “OLD” babysitter.

To my tattoo artist:

I have a tattoo

Remember how you told me that by the time I was 40 my tattoo would have disappeared into the folds of my butt crack?

You’re a liar.

You can read more about that here.

To my children:

Don't be afraid of family pictures

Thank you for giving me the ability to predict the weather…

with my episiotomy scar.

To my best friend:

Floaters in the toilet

Thanks for always leaving a few floaters in your guest room toilet.

It makes me feel so normal!

To my husband:

Even Steven

I’m sorry I told you I had diarrhea all day.

So I could have some alone time with the iPad in the bathroom.

4 Comments

  1. Frugalistablog

    July 16, 2014 at 10:54 am

    I guess mine would be,
    To the lady at the Pier 1 bathroom after me.
    Sorry.
    That was some bad shrimp.

  2. Carrie

    July 16, 2014 at 11:32 am

    I want your mom to write her story about the county jail!!! Pleeeaaassseeee Linda!!!!!!!!!? 🙂

  3. Kristina

    July 16, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    OMG! I loved the diarrhea so I could hide in the bathroom with the iPad one! I’m going to have to try that one. Maybe I will finally get to use the iPad (and the bathroom!) in peace!

  4. Leona Shank

    July 17, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    To my husband: Everytime I wanted to go out to dinner I put
    a frozen chicken on the counter (knowing you hate chicken)
    I used the same chicken for years!

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