I’m Blaming Even Steven

Let’s go ahead and make something very clear here: everything is Even Steven’s fault.

I’m sure you already knew that, but just in case you didn’t, let me repeat myself.

Even Steven

Everything is Even Steven’s fault.

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Okay – maybe not really. But it makes me feel better to blame him.

At least a little…

If you’ve been reading my blog or following me on Facebook, then you know that we have been sick since Thanksgiving. Well, since before Thanksgiving, actually.

And by sick, I don’t mean a cold or a little cough. I mean that someone has been throwing up, having diarrhea or in need of medical attention every single day since just before Thanksgiving.

It all started with a family getaway to an indoor water park – where we most likely picked up a parasite. (Read all about it here.)

And just to note – we were NOT at a Great Wolf Lodge. Several of you are die hard fans of Great Wolf Lodge, and I want to make it clear that we did not go to a Great Wolf Lodge for our indoor water park adventure.

We were sick so consistently and for such a long time, that I even created a “calendar of doom” to track everything. Here’s a small glimpse…

Calendar of Doom

Through all of the puking and the pooping, we managed to get ourselves together to celebrate the holidays. We bleached our house, and then bleached it some more.

And I looked forward to leaving the day after Christmas to drive to Florida – confident that the warm temperature and sunshine would cure us all.

A few days before Christmas, Even Steven came down with a fever, cough and upper respiratory illness that required antibiotics and put him in bed for two entire days.

On Christmas Eve, I took Miles and Alice to the doctor for the same symptoms. And – on the day after Christmas – on hour four of our 18-hour road trip to Florida, the 2-year-old and I came down with the same fevers, cough and upper respiratory symptoms.

But we carried on.

I was so positive that some sunshine would be just the thing we needed, that I dealt with the fever and chills and comforting a 2-year-old with fever and chills and a cough in a hotel room, and across several states. I slept on the beach and by day four of our vacation, finally started feeling better.

But then the sun snuck behind a cloud, and stayed there for the remainder of our trip.

And that was when I totally lost it. I mean – I LOST IT.

We were staying in a trailer – and not even in a double wide (more on that in another post, I promise).

I’d been cleaning up puke or dealing with fevers for more than 30 days. And here we were in a trailer park in the middle of Florida, everyone seemed to be healthy, and all of a sudden it got cold and cloudy.

And I was pissed.

At Even Steven.

For the past month, I’d been scrubbing things and lysoling other things and bleaching even more things. I’d been scouring my brain trying to think of what we could all possibly be touching that I was forgetting to clean – positive that it must have been something I was doing wrong.

I even Lysoled the Christmas tree and used Clorox wipes to sanitize everything inside the refrigerator.

But we still kept getting sick.

During my feverish haze on the drive to Florida – sometime after we stopped at a McDonald’s for Alice to dry heave into the toilet and before Simon screamed for three hours in southern Georgia because he had a fever and was sick – I figured out why our entire family had been plagued by illness for such a long time.

It was Even Steven’s beard.

The Bearded Curse

He started growing it during our water park vacation over Thanksgiving, and it stayed with him through all of the puking and pooping and coughing.

It’s not that I thought his beard was dirty or “infected.”

I decided that it was a curse.

A bearded curse that was being cast upon our family – causing illness, sad children, a crazy mother and a LACK OF SUNLIGHT and HEAT on a Florida vacation.

So I flipped out on Even Steven and his stupid trailer and his stupid beard.

He responded by shaving that horrible curse right off his face.

Even Steven and his Trailer

And we spent the rest of our vacation swimming in the pool, eating chili cheese fries on the beach and having some amazing family pictures taken (more on those later too.)

Alice on the Beach

And while I would love to say that the curse has been lifted from our family, Even Steven started throwing up within 24 hours of arriving home from our Florida vacation.

Even Steven

He has suggested that perhaps I need to shave my legs in order to lift the curse – but that seems a bit extreme to me.

I think I should just burn our house down instead.

Has your family ever been sick for 6 straight weeks? Did you want to yank your hair out in frustration? Did you think about calling the health department to see if your house was making you sick? Did you think about moving to a brand new house that was free of germs?

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20 thoughts on “I’m Blaming Even Steven

  1. I think you’re right that shaving your legs would be a bit extreme. I’ve never had my household sick for that long – even having a round of 24 hour stomach bug going through is plenty long enough thank you.

    I hope everyone in your household gets to be healthy at the same time soon.

  2. We had the SAME hideous illness over Christmas. It was a damn nightmare. I am pretty sure we are all still coughing. You probably need like a shaman or something to come lift the hex off your house. Shaving your legs seems a little extreme! 😉

  3. Oh man, I was totally feeling your pain and last year late winter, early spring that totally sounded like my house with all the sickness and illness we all had. The worst was my oldest daughter having RSV Pneumonia and having her crummy pediatrician make me cry not he phone after having about a month straight of non-stop illness. Let’s just say, I changed doctor’s for them after that. But on another note, when in doubt, I always blame my husband for stuff like this, too lol! But seriously. hope you all are better and saying extra prayers that you all stay well now!

  4. I hope you’re all feeling better now. I agree, shaving your legs is extreme 🙂 Here are a few of my ideas: Clean your car, car seats and stroller. Don’t put your purse/diaper bag or shopping bags on your counter or table (maybe its time to wash said bags).

  5. I feel your pain. We went to Epcot a few years ago at Christmas and it was in the 30’s and windy. Miserable.

    As a native Floridian, born and raised in Hollywood, now living in Ohio, I have to know WHY A TRAILER? Ugh. That probably made you sicker. There are so many hotels that aren’t super pricey, like Residence Inn.
    What part of FL are you in?

  6. You just might have to bite the bullet and shave those legs, Anna. Do you really want to be cleaning up puke for the next 30 days? My god, it’s like the apocalypse at your house!

    And, I’m surprised that it wasn’t Great Wolf Lodge – everyone I know who goes there gets sick.

  7. gosh, Even Steven looks pretty cute with a beard! You are absolutely right to not shave your legs though. I only shave mine during months that don’t have an ‘r’ in them. Hope everyone feels better soon!!

  8. A few years ago I was sick for six weeks and the odd couple of days that I wasn’t,t one of my girls was hang in there x

  9. I’ve always said I should invent a disinfectant bomb (like a bug bomb) that we could set off and it would disinfect the whole house. I feel for ya, I would lost it a long time ago!

  10. Oh my. I know the feeling. My son had a horrid cough for what felt like forever, but actually about 4 months. I was in and out of his doctor’s office and eventually said F her and took him to the ER. They immediately guessed it (and were right) and I was never so happy to give him medicine to get rid of his acid reflux. Can you believe acid reflux can actually cause an ongoing chronic cough? Me neither. And apparently his doctor didn’t either.

  11. Could you PLEASE get on this? I can’t tell you how many times in the past month I’ve wished for some type of bomb that I could set off in my house that would disinfect everything. I don’t care how many chemicals you have to use – or how much you have to charge. I will use it! Just hurry up please.

  12. You are living my total nightmare. In my head, I picture that having 3 kids in the winter involves this kind of illness all winter, every winter!!! I can’t believe there’s been that much sickness for so long! I would also have thought the Florida weather could cure you all. So sorry to hear that it didn’t work either!

  13. Oh that is the worst!!! I lived that nightmare last winter. I had a kid with a cough, or fever, or puking from Thanksgiving till the end of January. I was also pregnant with our 3 kid then and we knew baby girl had an issue that would require a stay in the NICU when she was born. She was born mid Jan and her poor sick brothers never made it to the hospital to visit me or her because they were too sick and could not enter the hospital. When we could FINALLY bring the baby home from the NICU I made the sick kids practically bathe in hand sanitizer. I still have nightmares about last winter!!!! Hope you guys feel better soon!!!

  14. i feel so bad for you but i love how you always find the humor in any situation, good or bad. hopefully this ends soon…real soon!

  15. You’re SO not alone. We all got sick two days before Halloween and it was nothing but fevers, vomiting, snot, coughing, and crying until Christmas. Finally on Dec 23rd we got some meds and everything cleared up within 5 days. But it was miserable. And yes, I blamed my husband entirely. HE was the first one sick, HE brought it home from work!

  16. Oh, my!! We were on Sanibel Island the week after Christmas. We met my brother-in-law and sister-in-law from Boston and their two kids there. We came from Northern California. Were you nearby? It would have been a blast to meet you, cooties and all. I’m so sorry the fam and you were sick. Of course, it was the beard and now matter how handsome he looked, a shave was necessary!! But the legs! That is going above and beyond, but that’s the kind of mom you are (and I am, too).

  17. That was us last year. We were sick a lot. Like what you are talking about. Some of my friends and family thought we were cursed. We probably were.

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