My Life

How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin for as Long as Possible

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I’m going to tell you something that might shock you.

Or if you knew me in high school, it won’t actually be surprising at all.

Here it is:

I remained a virgin all through high school.

I now realize that this was all part of a carefully orchestrated plan by my mother.

She did several things to ensure that my virginity remained intact for as long as possible.

#1 – Haircut

I cannot stress enough the importance of the haircut in keeping your V-card.

How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin as Long as Possible @LifeandKidsBlog

I found a picture of a woman in an AARP magazine with super short hair. I took it to my hairdresser, and she refused to cut my hair like that.

So my mom helped me find a stylist that WOULD cut my hair so short.

Then my mom and all of her friends told me over and over again how much they loved it. I’m pretty sure she paid her friends big bucks to constantly compliment my hair.

Trust me when I tell you that high school guys are not huge fans of super short hair. This may also be why my mom almost had to pay someone to give me my first kiss.

#2 – Shaving

I’ve mentioned it before, but I see it as part of her plan now. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs until I was very OLD! Like – old enough that even my teachers were asking when on earth my mom was going to let me shave my legs.

Shortly after finally being allowed to shave my legs, my mom convinced me that NO ONE shaves their bikini line and then sent me to a swimming party.

Trust me when I tell you that this is a mental image that stuck with people for years afterwards.

#3 – Crisco

It’s all about the Crisco. While she didn’t actually feed me the Crisco out of the can, she didn’t discourage it either.

How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin as Long as Possible @LifeandKidsBlog

I’m pretty sure I had more junk in my trunk than most girls my age.

Trust me when I tell you that high school guys are a little intimidated by muscular girls with short hair that eat Crisco out of the can.

#4 – Being “Sexy”

My mom did a photo shoot with me while we were at the beach one year.

Based on her feedback, I was pretty sure that I was being super-duper hot and sexy in these pictures. What do you think?

How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin as Long as Possible @LifeandKidsBlog

Yup – totally nailed it…

#5 – I think the picture says it all…

How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin as Long as Possible @LifeandKidsBlog

Click here for the prequel – How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin Through Junior High. My mom started this strategy on the day I started my period – and worked her magic all the way through my first kiss up until I went to high school. She was a genius.

89 Comments

  1. thedoseofreality

    January 7, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I am CRYING with laughter. I swear our mothers were related! I once had a haircut that caused my uncle to ask if I got it off a paint can. I found pics recently where honest to God, I am even wearing boy’s clothes. So, needless to say, I related to this post! Majorly!

  2. Janine Huldie

    January 7, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Oh this is too funny and can tell although my mom didn’t have my hair cut short, pretty sure she prescribed some of the same other tactics as your mom. Got to remember this for my girls are teens, lol ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Amy

    January 7, 2013 at 7:40 am

    I love, love, love this! Will you please do a follow-up and share the Google searches that bring readers to this post? So funny!

  4. The Next Step

    January 7, 2013 at 7:43 am

    You mother is an evil genius. I have 3 little girls and I just might tuck these tactics in the back of my brain for future use. Or at least threaten them with your photos. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for sharing!

  5. The Lint Trap

    January 7, 2013 at 7:50 am

    It is. Just. Too. Much. I too kept my V card all through high school. I also had short hair junior and senior year when all my other gurls were gettin down. Hmmmmm. I believe this is what Ofrah calls an a-ha moment. I was also the chubby funny girl sidekick, which didn’t help my sex bomb image either. If would have been your slightly-chunky-for-a-17-year-old wingman you would have totally gotten some. I know all my friends were having mad sex.

  6. Mom

    January 7, 2013 at 7:52 am

    Now I think you are giving me way too much credit here. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really have to think about it all that much because most of the boys were afraid of you – after all the armwrestling matches where you beat all of them in elementary school – the boys weren’t exactly swarming. It wasn’t until your Senior year that I got nervous. And the haircut was darling and perfect for tennis . Which at the time was all you cared about…..Thank you for Not sharing when you lost your virginity. Even I have my limits.
    Love you
    Mom

  7. Amber

    January 7, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Ahahaha!! These pictures are too freaking funny! I remained a virgin through high school too, and a good chunk of college, so its good to hear somebody else did too! Although, I didn’t have short hair, I do have what my husband likes to call a “donk”, or a bit of junk in the trunk haha I have a daughter now, and while she’s only 12 months old, I’m freaking out! Our mom’s are both geniuses. Ill have to refer back to this post in a few years probably haha

  8. Sara

    January 7, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Jealous because you were a totally fit teenager!! I wish I looked like that then & now! I didn’t lose my v-card in high school either… and I didn’t know fashion and didn’t like my body (even tho looking back there was nothing wrong with it) so I wore super bagy shirts, baggier than I even wear now! I just cringe when I look back at pictures. No wonder I never had a boyfriend!

  9. Robin jingjit

    January 7, 2013 at 8:43 am

    That hair is adorable! You look totally cute. I had a mushroom cut but in middle school. I can tell you though that hair down to my butt in high school didn’t exactly have the guys forming lines, either. Your mom is so funny.

  10. Jen at PIWTPITT.com

    January 7, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Oh my goodness, those pics are too funny! I think my mother had the same plan, only I had perms and wasn’t told that your bikini area isn’t covered by your swimsuit. Our mothers were evil geniuses. Off to convince Adolpha that potato sacks make perfect dresses!

  11. Toulouse

    January 7, 2013 at 10:11 am

    You make a really adorable boy, Anna!
    Actually you look really cute, but when I first scanned the pics I wondered who the boy with the sleeves cut off of his shirt was….LOL!

  12. Erika

    January 7, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Ditto here, but I was the smart girl who intimidated all the boys insecure teenage boys. Top female GPA in my senior class, etc. However, I was too busy reading and studying to notice. Didn’t change a lot, even in college. DH was the second guy I ever dated!

  13. Ginger Kay

    January 7, 2013 at 10:20 am

    You were beautiful, and lucky to have such a smart mom.

  14. Allison @ Motherhood, WTF?

    January 7, 2013 at 10:39 am

    So so funny, and even funnier that you’re sharing these pictures! I do think you’re giving your mom a lot of credit here. While a plan like that is diabolically genius, and I am going to do it with my own daughter, you have to take some of the blame/credit. As a high schooler, I didn’t give a damn if my mom let me shave my legs or not. Boys were important to me, so I molded myself into something that would be important to them, mom’s approval or not. Clearly, by your muscular, very tanned self, you had other hobbies.

  15. Allison @ Motherhood, WTF?

    January 7, 2013 at 10:40 am

    And one more thing, did you really find a picture of a haircut in an AARP magazine? Can your mom write a post about how to cultivate a trend-unaware girl?

  16. Jodi

    January 7, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Oh, this is great! I have a very pretty 15 year old daughter who is the only freshman girl on the school cross country team, and everyone loves her, including the junior & senior guys. She is having so much fun that I am going to schedule her haircut as soon as the salon opens at 10 am. Thanks for the heads-up!

  17. Venus Genetrix

    January 7, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Nope. You said you were gonna share the story of losing your virginity & now you have to — no take backs! And, PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!! ๐Ÿ˜›

  18. Kristi

    January 7, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    Hi! Just found your blog today and love this post. Hilarious! I did, in fact lose my v-card in high school but man did I have to work for it. It was totally not worth it and I wish I’d have waited. Thanks for the laugh!

  19. danee

    January 7, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    So reading through the comments I guess I”m the only hussy who DID in fact lose her Vcard in high school. At age 16 in fact to aโ€ฆaโ€ฆjackaโ€ฆyou get the idea. I wish I had waited. No for moral reasons but for reasons that he was a jerk. My next boyfriend on the other handโ€ฆI digress. What I really wanted to say was that the more I thought about this the funnier it got because the first day I saw your blog and the photos of you and Matt I thought you were the typical pretty “Buffy” private school cutie marries the distinguished hot guy. Of course that was BEFORE you posted your dogs puke but you get the idea. Then to see yourโ€ฆ.interestingโ€ฆbikini pics with your freakishy buff body and crazy ‘doโ€ฆ.WOW was I confused or what?

  20. Meredith

    January 7, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Anna, you are just too darn cute–whatever the haircut or the swimsuit!

  21. Karen

    January 7, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Wow…I wish so bad we had gone to school together. I have been hiding my middle school photo album which contains 100s of pages of me with this exact same hair cut and my softball uniform, which apparently I wore every day of my teen years. The fact I am happily married with 2 adorable kids has always shocked me when I look at those pictures, but you make me proud to be among the short haired sporty girls!

  22. MILF Runner

    January 7, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    You look beautiful. Okay, I’m not a high school guy. But did anyone EVER say, “Yeah, I lost my virginity when I was really young and I am SO GLAD I didn’t wait until I was older!” No. No one EVER said that. EVER.

  23. Synnove @ Don't Chew On The Dinner Table!

    January 7, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Mine just gave me genetics that didn’t allow me to grow boobs until I was in college…

    I think you looked fantastic!

  24. Alexis

    January 7, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Anna, I totally love your blog. Your posts make me laugh till my sides ache.

    I didn’t lose my virginity, until after high school. I was more the full-figured gal and was quite popular among the boys. I think the determining factor for me was my father. My Dad is a really old-fashioned guy, all of my dates had to pick me up at the house. My Dad also is an aggressive looking man, he wears a mullett and is about 280 lbs. My Dad is a trucker and looks like a biker (which he does occasionally).

    Needless to say, all of my dates were a little nervous about what my Dad would do or say. They never went very far. It was also helpful that I had a baby brother at the time I was getting interested in boys. I was terrified of the possibility of winding up pregnant while in high school (I didn’t want the
    responsibility).

    I was married a week after I graduated from high school, by that following Christmas we found out we were expecting our first baby. It is not like I had to wait very long. My husband has never been weary of my Dad (it helps that he is 6’5″).

    But, all in all, you wrote avery funny post.

  25. Trish

    January 7, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Well, that totally explains why I lost my V card the summer before my sophomore year. Yeah, I’m going with the long hair, non-muscular body and no crisco as the cause and not the fact that I’m easy.

  26. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    YES! It was all your mom’s fault – you were not slutty at all!

  27. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I’m totally going to have a baby when my daughter is in high school. Great birth control for her – and maybe she could also help out with night feedings? Thanks for the great idea! ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Bwahahaha – pretty sure I got those same genetics…

  29. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Ha! Yes – instead of softball, it was tennis for me. I went my entire junior year of high school wearing a different tennis t-shirt every day. I actually got my hair cut like this so that it would be EASIER to keep it pulled back while I played tennis (apparently rubber bands didn’t exist back then.) ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Aren’t you so sweet Meredith? Where were you in high school? We could have made out.

  31. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Yup – I am awesome at fooling people in the beginning. But the longer they know me – or read my blog – the truth comes out. No private school or super hot anything going on over here! ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    I *love* that you had to work for it! HA! ๐Ÿ™‚

  33. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    pfffttttt – you have my mom terrified!

  34. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    How did the haircut go? Is it absolutely adorable to anyone over the age of 30? If so, then mission accomplished. ๐Ÿ™‚

  35. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Yes – it was an AARP magazine that I got out of my grandma’s bathroom. I’ll check with her on the trend-unaware girl post. She definitely did a great job with that one!

  36. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I used to be really upset because one of my high school teachers nicknamed me “BEEF”. After seeing these pictures, I can see why I had that nickname. Seriously – it’s like I’m a totally different person these days…

  37. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    That’s very sweet of you Ginger – and yes – I do have a smart mom. ๐Ÿ™‚

  38. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Well – that’s my other big confession – I apparently used to be a man. ๐Ÿ™‚

  39. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    HA! We totally could have hung out together in high school… ๐Ÿ™‚

  40. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Definitely several tactics that I’m hoping to use on Alice when she’s older. I just hope she is totally trusting of me and my opinion as I was with my mom! ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    hahahahaha – that’s awesome. I’m sure there will be some doozies!

  42. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Yes – you can always tell them that THIS is what happens if you do have sex. That should scare them!

  43. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Shoot! Where were you when I looked like a man? I totally could have used a funny/slightly chunky wingman! ๐Ÿ™‚

  44. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Yes – well – there was the arm wrestling…

  45. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    Sounds like your mom did a great job too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  46. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    So silly, isn’t it? And – yes – I was oddly muscular…

  47. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Oh definitely – I’ve heard that potato sacks are ALL the rage! I’ve also heard that overalls and turtlenecks are making a comeback.

  48. Anna

    January 7, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    Really? I would have thought that hair down to your butt was a surefire way to lose your vcard! ๐Ÿ™‚

  49. Connie's fav daughter

    January 7, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Holy cow this is hilarious! That’s all I have to say about that!

  50. Dani Ryan

    January 7, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    OMG, I’m dying over here. That is HILARIOUS. You just made Monday night EXTRA special – not only did I get to watch the train-wreck that is The Bachelor, but I also got to plan ways to ensure my little girl never, EVER, loses her vcard. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  51. Josie Bisett

    January 7, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA! Your mother is an absolute genius. I have a daughter and I am taking tips ๐Ÿ™‚

  52. jassica

    January 7, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Wow! I, for one, am shocked. Although I do recall there being a lot of tennis shirts….

  53. sparkling74

    January 8, 2013 at 7:32 am

    First, I 100% love that bikini. It’s soooo cute! And look at that super toned mid section!

    Second, my mother didn’t want me to shave and made me use an electric razor. I think it was from 1950. It did NOTHING. So I snuck a disposable razor into my room and shaved my legs dry. OOooh so much fun.

    Third, my parents’ strategy for keeping us virgins was to constantly tell people we were going to be nuns- none of this and none of that- and send us to a Christian school where there were never more than 2 boys in our class at one time. By the time I got to public high school and learned that more than 2 boys could in the classroom at one time, I had no idea how to talk to them, and they somehow got word that my father might kill them, so I had some pretty slim pickings for boys. My father would not have killed them but there was some weird rumor, I found out way after high school.

    They must have used this same strategy for my sisters because only one of us is married and it took her until she was like 32, we’re all in our 30s and 2 of us live with boys. Clearly we got the wrong message somewhere!

  54. The Sadder But Wiser Girl

    January 8, 2013 at 9:13 am

    I had the opposite hair in high school-I had huge curly big POOFY hair! It had a mind of it’s own. I could have probably removed it from my head and it would have been a sentient being.

  55. Jenn

    January 8, 2013 at 9:47 am

    lol! LOVE this!! Sharing ๐Ÿ˜‰

  56. mollie d

    January 8, 2013 at 11:02 am

    I was totally a V through high school, but that’s because boys scared the crap out of me….

    These pictures are f-ing hilarious

  57. hilljean

    January 9, 2013 at 1:26 am

    So maybe the hair wasn’t the greatest idea….but you were in killer shape.

  58. Terrye

    January 9, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    I was a member of the “short hair club” in high school too, as well as the “boys wouldn’t touch me with a 10 foot pole” sorority. Not only did I have short hair, I wore mostly boy’s clothes (they were cheaper than girls clothes), but my parents made me take ROTC. Everyone thought I was a lesbian. Who asked me out to my first prom? A GIRL! Well played, mom & dad, well played.

    Absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality, I have more gay friends than I can count, but I really, REALLY like boys. ๐Ÿ™‚

  59. Frugalistablog

    January 9, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    Oh Anna!!! Wow, you were quite the athlete!! Your hair emphasizes your beautiful eyes. And you don’t look like Helen Reddy circa 1976 no matter what anyone says. I loved this so much I shared on my FB page!

  60. Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments

    January 10, 2013 at 10:56 am

    THIS is my favorite post of yours ever. I mean, EVER. I rarely belly laugh out loud when reading posts. This is comedy, plain and simple. Totally sharing on the page tonight when my night-time crowd comes looking for laughs. HILARIOUS, Anna. “Nailed it!”

  61. melissa

    January 10, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    Ok I laughed my ass off this was awesome. But I also think you looked beautiful! You rocked that hair. I would kill for that body!

  62. Mrs. Gore

    January 11, 2013 at 10:01 am

    This is just…amazing. I think it was fate that you share these pictures with the world. (and by the way, you look like a 1950’s beach movie girl!)

    My favorite part is that you drew inspiration from an AARP ad – it doesn’t get any funnier than that!

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  64. hollow tree ventures

    January 13, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Thank GOD I’m not the only one who has a disturbing bikini line pool party memory – I’m still scarred…

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  68. Tiffany

    January 17, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    OMG, I’m laughing.

    Ha, you nailed it.

    Can you write a book on this? I have 4, yes 4! daughters and I’d like them to be OLD when they give up their v-cards too! HELP!!!

  69. Haley

    January 17, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Ha! Reading this was freakily familiar – the short hair cut totally protected my unwanted innocence. My family and friends still howl when I pop into old video footage. My mom still maintains that I looked fabulous. I just found your blog via a pintrest post and am loving it (your four kids post, hysterical, I have three and am totally considering a fourth just so my shoddy housekeeping is justified).

  70. Jessica

    January 18, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    I can relate – my mom told me my haircut was just like Dorothy Hamil’s. It wasn’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

  71. Joe

    January 30, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Hmmm. I’m sure the times were different by the early 90s when I was in my HS prime, but… I almost always had crushes on my cute, short haired, lesbian friends. Your mother’s plan would have failed miserably. I would have gladly deflowered you, given the opportunity.

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  73. Amy Breshears

    May 15, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    I am CRYING with laughter. This whole thing is hysterical.

  74. tracey

    May 15, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Yikes. I actually HAVE said that exact phrase… Not that I want my own daughter to follow my life’s path, but it’s been a damn good life and I wouldn’t change a single step.

  75. Virginia Llorca

    May 16, 2013 at 12:08 am

    In the blue plaid shirt — adorable. In the bikini — good butt but. . .

    My boyfriend was paranoid cuz my dad was a cop so eighteen was the lucky number for him and I graduated high school very very young, so. . .

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  77. Eva Gallant

    May 28, 2013 at 8:37 am

    Thanks for starting my day with a huge belly laugh! what a great post!!!!!

  78. Kristy

    May 29, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    OMGSH.. I’m dying!
    And did your mom KNOW my mom??? I would post a pict if it wouldn’t horrify me.. and any one who reads it… but MY sweet mom let me not only get a perm in middle school…. but then…. she let me have it cut into a MULLET!!!! A chunky girl, with a permed mullet. Now there’s a visual! LOL

  79. ileana

    July 1, 2013 at 12:47 am

    priceless!!!

  80. Eliesa @ Pinterest Addict

    July 10, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    OMG! That was brilliant parenting on your mom’s part! I think I just laughed for five minutes. The Crisco story is right above the picture of you in the bikini – obviously burnt. When I was in high school, my mom told me to use Crisco as a tanning oil, and the result was about the same as your picture. I thought for a second that you were going to write that you used Crisco to tan, based on your mom’s suggestion, and I almost spit out my coffee! But, I guess it was just MY mom’s way of keeping the boys away from me ๐Ÿ™‚

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  82. Decorated Christmas Trees

    September 17, 2013 at 5:49 pm

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  84. Manicmom

    October 1, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    Shit yes best to just shave the girl bald then tell her there’s a problem with her hair follicles, the DNA is damaged and it can’t grow back until the medicine kicks in- which is age 22. ( after college)

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