Finding your RollerGirl Name

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Over the weekend Even Steven and I went to a Cincinnati Roller Girls match.

We try to go at least once a year – and I have to say that I love it a little more each time.

In case you’ve never been – or aren’t familiar with Rollergirls – basically it’s grown women on roller skates beating the crap out of each other.


Okay – not really beating each other up, but throwing shoulders, hips, thighs and booties to knock each other down and hold each other back.

It’s amazing.

80's night

And we happened to be there on 80’s night, which made it that much better.

Aside from the shouting, the fights and the $1 Hudy Delights, I have to say that my favorite part of the night (by far) is reading the names of the team members.

You can’t just have a regular name if you’re a roller girl. Absolutely not.

It needs to be clever. And a little… frightening.

A few of my favorites included Ima Tattoher and Skunna Hurt. (You bet it is!)

My neighbors and I spent most of the evening trying to determine our RollerGirls names. Even Steven suggested that my RollerGirls name be ANNAmal. Get it?

Clever – but far too tame in my opinion. I was thinking more along the lines of:

YER GonnaDie


Ima Chokavitch

I mean – those are some solid names, right?

One of my neighbors is a teacher, so we thought her name should be: Ima TeachUaLesson

Which brought up a great discussion about how you’d feel if you found out that your child’s sweet little teacher was also throwing punches at RollerGirls and goes by the name Big Ugly or Kitten Kicker. (And yes – some of the RollerGirls are teachers.)

Personally, I think it would make me like the teacher even more – but that’s just me.

After a lot of thought, I came up with some great RollerGirl names for a few other people in my life.

If Even Steven Was a RollerGirl…

Even Steven is a Rollergirl

His name would be… Even Steven.

Not very clever, I know. But very fitting, don’t you think?

If My Mom Was a RollerGirl…

My Mom is a Roller Girl

Her name would be… Imma Hoarder. Tee hee – sorry mom – just couldn’t resist on that one.

Maybe another option would be Killer Calves? I’m open to suggestions here.

If My Trashy Sister-in-Law Was a Roller Girl…

My trashy sister in law is a rollergirl

Her name would be… MyMoms inPrison. Bwahahhahahah. I’ll admit that I’m probably the only one that thinks that’s funny, but I thought it was REALLY Funny. Like – started snorting laughing after I thought of that one.

I guess a better option would be just to call her Trashy or something like that, right? (PS – You can read more about my trashy SIL right here.)

If Simon Was a RollerGirl…

Simon is a Roller Girl

After going to the grocery store with my 3-year-old yesterday, I decided that his RollerGirl name would be:

Cart Licker

or Potty Licker.

As he did both yesterday. In public.

Which is actually more frightening than the girl named MirderHer if I do say so myself.

So – have you ever been to a RollerGirls game? What would your RollerGirl name be?


  1. Anna's Mom

    May 13, 2014 at 8:35 am

    I find this very scary. The fact that you love it so much and that I can see you laughing as you wrote this – you did didn’t you? How did you ever stop yourself? I want your trashy sister-inlaw on my team – and we’ll take Simon too. You are welcome.
    Call me.

  2. Sheila

    May 13, 2014 at 8:40 am

    She’ll Whipyaround

  3. My Special Kind of Crazy

    May 13, 2014 at 8:46 am

    I love the roller derby! They have one just blocks away from where I live in DC and we went for my bachelorette party. I loved the names- and in honor of that my friends may me a shirt with my alter ego on it, “Misty Bolts”. Maybe not too intimidating, but Misty has some attitude about her….

  4. Dona

    May 13, 2014 at 8:48 am

    I have no idea what my name would be, but this post was hilarious! Go, mom! I’d root for you! Dona

  5. Lyn

    May 13, 2014 at 9:41 am

    I have never been, but we have a team here in Evansville IN – my cousin is a skater and her name is Meagan M. Hurt.

  6. Frugalistablog

    May 13, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Hmm, this is an excellent question- I prefer a roller derby name to my stripper name.
    How about- Ima Falldownalot

  7. Kari

    May 13, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    We took the kids to a Roller Derby a couple of years ago. Though I know I would never actually want to participate, I still had to have my own Derby name. My husband and kids decided I was “Ruff Mama” 🙂

  8. Sue

    May 28, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    I go to several local bouts a year. Our hard-working, nursing-student-by-day daughter has been in derby for almost three years now. Her name is Krash Dashian. I’ve got to say, picking out a derby name is harder than naming your kids.

    I’ve thought about joining, but I am old enough to know better than get out on a cement floor, on wheels, and allow myself to be repeatedly thrown to said floor.

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