Laughs

Facebook Conversations with Even Steven

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My adorable cousin got married just over a week ago.

And ever since then, the bride and groom have been Facebooking up a storm. It’s so sweet.

They’re posting things like:

“Good morning my handsome hubby.”

MY LATEST VIDEOS

and

“Good morning my beautiful wife.”

and

“I’m so lucky to be married to you.”

and

“No. I’m so lucky to be married to YOU.”

All of this sweet, gushy newlywed love got me thinking about my Facebook interactions with Even Steven.

He’s not on Facebook – but if he were – I imagine our exchanges would look something like this:

Even Steven body

Or maybe something like this…

Even Steven Basement

I swear – you lock your husband in the basement a few times, and he never lets you live it down.

Even Steven Pillow

Or maybe something along these lines…

Even Steven 1

Yup – I still cut his toenails.

Even Steven sharting

I’ve never seen a guy get so grossed out by a little sharting.

But sometimes he can be really sweet, too…

Even Steven Vasshole

(You can read more about my vasshole – and the other things pregnancy has done to my body – here.)

Do you and your husband Facebook with each other? What do you say?

42 Comments

  1. Janine Huldie

    May 6, 2013 at 6:58 am

    Your Facebook conversations are hilarious and quite classic. Seriously, it is the newlywed ones that makes me want to gag and could actually taste the bile rising in my throat as I was reading them, but yours are truly what a real marriage is made of!! πŸ™‚

  2. Kristin @ OneOrganicMama

    May 6, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Fantastic. I hate the people that have REAL arguments (and involve their extended family) on facebook – these however are fantastic. My husband never goes on fb and scolds me for tagging him in pictures because it makes his phone buzz.

  3. Amy

    May 6, 2013 at 7:06 am

    You’re right, your mom is going to hate this one, but I loved it. My husband isn’t on Facebook. He says he’s too busy (reading sports blogs and playing Candy Crush apparently) to waste time on FB, but if he were, we would be more like you and Even Steven than the lovebirds.

  4. Kathy Radigan

    May 6, 2013 at 7:12 am

    I love your FB conversations with your husband! Too funny. My husband is on FB but since he never uses it we never have conversations on it but ours would be much more like yours and Stevens!! I also agree with the comment that said the newlywed one is a tad sickening. Not sure if that is jealousy or just age speaking! Lol! Thanks for the laugh.

  5. Gina Jacobs Thomas (@totallyfullofit)

    May 6, 2013 at 7:21 am

    My husband and I have only had one or two brilliant conversations on Facebook. If you’d look at our profiles, you wouldn’t even know we’re married, because we barely even muster up a “like.” Granted, he does very little on Facebook. But he doesn’t seem to like my witty statuses either. What’s so wrong about throwing a like to your wife’s hilarious bitching and moaning every once and a while?

  6. freelsda

    May 6, 2013 at 7:48 am

    After 35 years of marriage, our conversations generally involve quoting movie lines at each other. E.g., “Inconceivable!” “You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means.” Unless one of us has fallen asleep watching the movie, in which case the conversation is slightly one-sided.

  7. freelsda

    May 6, 2013 at 7:50 am

    My husband is anti-technology and barely uses the computer, nor do we have smartphones, so we have to rely on the face-to-face version, rather than the Facebook version.

  8. thedoseofreality

    May 6, 2013 at 8:01 am

    My hubby and I are on FB, but rarely interact. Sure, we let the world know we are married and all but other than that, we do our own thing. πŸ˜‰

  9. Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments

    May 6, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Anna, you are hilarious. My Facebook conversation with my husband would be along the lines of: “Why are you still in the bathroom? Don’t even pretend like you’re not reading this in there.” and he would say, “Since you just interrupted me, prepare for another 40 minutes.”

  10. Tabitha

    May 6, 2013 at 8:14 am

    My husband is on Facebook, however, we ignore the hell out of each other on social networking sites. Every now and then we might make a small comment about something that was posted and it would go into the “Even Steven/Anna” Facebooking category!

  11. Jenn @ Mommy Needs A Martini

    May 6, 2013 at 8:20 am

    Hubs and I interact on FB by posting ridiculous ecards on each others walls. You might mistake us for immature high school boys if you didn’t know us!

  12. Kathie

    May 6, 2013 at 8:34 am

    I always hack my hubbys account and post things about how wonderful a wife he has. “She is the wind beneath my wings” and stuff like that. His guy friends are yelling at him for being a dweeb and getting them in trouble with their wives and his women friends always say how sweet and wonderful he is. LMAO

  13. Helen Pellegrino

    May 6, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Those are such clever fake screenshots. How do you do it?

  14. Pam

    May 6, 2013 at 9:07 am

    Funny! Your FB messages look like my text messages with my husband.

  15. Dona

    May 6, 2013 at 9:12 am

    In your forthcoming book, make a whole chapter on this! Hilarious!!!

  16. Heather

    May 6, 2013 at 9:12 am

    My husband and I are both on Facebook, but don’t contact each other on a regular basis… we both kind of gag when couples post cutesy mushy crap to each other, though. We never have arguments on Facebook either – can’t stand that. If anything we tease and stuff, but that’s it. If we posted to each other more often, it would probably look a lot like your posts with Even Steven. Ha ha

  17. Beth

    May 6, 2013 at 9:27 am

    I think they are Generated at fakeconvos.com?

  18. Anna Luther

    May 6, 2013 at 10:05 am

    fakeconvos.com – love that site. But be careful – it is addicting! πŸ™‚

  19. Ninja Mom

    May 6, 2013 at 10:39 am

    I love you. That is all.

  20. Melissa

    May 6, 2013 at 10:43 am

    My husband refuses to use FB. He refers to it as drinking the kool-aid AKA the cult. But as soon as he does something funny/sweet/romantic “did you post that on Facebook?!” Grrrr.

  21. Momchalant

    May 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

    HAHA, these are hilarious. My boyfriend not only steals my pillow but the comforter and sheet too.. and tries to steal my body pillow. But I wake up and fight for that one.

  22. Leah W

    May 6, 2013 at 11:04 am

    you are so hilarious!

  23. Holly

    May 6, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Um perfection. I am demanding an ongoing series on the blog of facebook convos between you two. Sorry Mom! Ooo, and maybe even some between you and your Mom. Also would be genius!

  24. Ashley @ It's Fitting

    May 6, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    You could be the funniest person I’ve ever read. Seriously.

  25. jassica

    May 6, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Hahaha!! That’s fabulous. And no, we don’t do Facebook convos. We believe in conversations without emoticons. Well, except for those nights when we send texts to each other across the couch.. πŸ™‚

  26. Jmacries

    May 6, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Never, NEVER do I EVER post sickenly sweet, mushy relationship crap on FB! The newlyweds get a pass…it’ll wear off. Hopefully! As for those couples that feel the need to shout their love from every mobile device they own – stop! No need to prove to us what a loving, thoughtful, and grotesquely passionate relationship you have. Besides, I’m not buying it anyway. As for the fights…please continue. They get very interesting when the mother in laws chime in.

  27. hollow tree ventures

    May 6, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    My hubs and I talk on FB on the regular, usually when we’re sitting right next to each other having a completely unrelated conversation in real life. True story. But our FB convos are almost always snarky. We’re easy to amuse. πŸ˜‰

  28. Catherine

    May 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    OMG you are my hero (ps I suck at fb and might be proud of that fact)

  29. Jen

    May 6, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    I HATE those awful mushy people who are so cheesy with each other. My sister-in-law is like that, and I blocked her and her husband so I wouldn’t have to see it. gag!!!

  30. Toulouse

    May 6, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Ugh, newlyweds. I’m glad my husband and I weren’t on facebook when we got married. Then there’d be proof we were once mushy. Thanks for the giant laugh, Anna!

  31. Jessica

    May 6, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Oh my gosh you are hilarious. My husband and I never facebook each other and he also doesn’t think women poop so some of these status updates wouldn’t go over too well.

  32. Julia @ cuckoo4design

    May 6, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    LOL, you are the best! (This makes me think of a funny youtube video I just saw a while ago. Darn it can’t find the link.)

  33. Kathy at kissing the frog

    May 6, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    My Hubby refuses to be on Facebook, but he sure is interested in what everyone is doing on there. He’s kind of a creeper.

  34. Anna

    May 6, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    ok, i am so not going there.
    not going there.
    ok fine, going there now!

  35. Mouths of babes

    May 6, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    Funny! Good thing Even Steven isn’t on Fb. I am sure he would love seeing that pic of him over and over again!:)

  36. Frugalistablog

    May 6, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    My husband is on Facebook. He is a man of few words. For our anniversary- “Happy Anniversary”. For my birthday, “Happy Birthday” See what I mean?
    I’m going to send him a status that said I sharted in our minivan. That should get his attention.

  37. Vicky

    May 7, 2013 at 1:20 am

    I would assume that unless there is some sexting going through Facebook my posts to my husband would send back nothing but crickets chirping;)
    Vicky http://thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com/

  38. Laura H.

    May 7, 2013 at 10:26 am

    With your first pretend post with Even Steven you literally made me laugh out loud. I’m house breaking a 6 week old German shepherd puppy. I forgot who’s idea it was to get him now. So thank you πŸ™‚

  39. Cheryl Nicholl

    May 7, 2013 at 11:05 am

    I just love Even Steven. Really- I’m his biggest fan. Could he FB friend me? I’ll give you Ben instead.

  40. Lil

    May 8, 2013 at 2:52 am

    Do my husband and I Facebook with each other? Heavens no! We have each other blocked! lol

  41. Keesha

    May 8, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    I love your FB convos with your Hubs. Mushy FB convos make me gag. And my hubs isn’t even on FB. Thankfully.

  42. Sara

    May 20, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    I have a gash on my shin this morning that I can only guess came from my husband last night. Should I call him out on Facebook? Maybe I just will!

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