My Husband

Even Steven Needs Surgery

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I have sad news to share today…

Even Steven tore his labia.

Doctors are recommending surgery.

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When I first heard this news, I wasn’t sure if I was more upset that Even Steven needed surgery – or that my husband had a labia.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: How did it go at the doctor? What did he say?

Even Steven: It’s not good. I tore my labia.

Me: No you didn’t.

Even Steven: Ummmm… I think I know what I tore. You weren’t even there.

Me: I’m pretty sure you don’t have a torn labia.

Even Steven: Yes. I. Do. The doctor is recommending surgery.

Me: This is awful news.

Even Steven: I know. Surgery to fix a torn labia can be messy and complicated.

Me: I’m more upset that you have a labia.

After several minutes of confusing conversation, and a quick call to the nurse, we determined that Even Steven tore his labrum – a ligament in his shoulder.

I was very relieved.

And I made Even Steven promise he wouldn’t tell anyone about his torn shoulder until he could remember to consistently use the correct “L” word.

A note to my mother: A labia is a lady part. Call my sister-in-law, Holli. She’ll give you all the details. Please don’t google it.

36 Comments

  1. Natalie

    October 8, 2012 at 7:53 am

    OMG – I just about spat all over the computer screen when you told your mom not to google it!!!

    Oh now I have an awful awful image – gonna need brain bleach for this one!!!!
    xxx

  2. meg

    October 8, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I am actually really proud of you for knowing its a lady part…and sad for you that you will have to take care of even steven during his recovery…

    oh, and yeah, i guess that sucks for you too even steven…

  3. Loretta Porter

    October 8, 2012 at 9:14 am

    You totally should have let him go to work telling everyone he has a labia! hahahaha Apparently you’re a much nicer wife than I am…. 😉

  4. Mary

    October 8, 2012 at 9:16 am

    I can totally see him arguing that he did tear his labia. How did you keep a straight face? Too funny! I don’t think my hubby knows all the correct verbiage for women parts either. Thanks for a laugh!

  5. Lisa

    October 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

    I think I about snorted drink all over my computer screen. That is so hilarious. Did Even Steven get a good laugh at himself?

  6. Holly

    October 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Glad to hear Even made a goof….Ha!

  7. Elle

    October 8, 2012 at 11:00 am

    OMG! That’s hillarious! Imagine what his boss would have said he told him he needed off to get his labia repaired.

  8. Trish

    October 8, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Hahaha! I’d be most upset that my husband didn’t know what a labia was! And seriously, your mom probably does know 🙂

    Good luck to Even Steven. Wishing a speedy recovery to him!

  9. kyfirewife

    October 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Bwahahahahahahaha!

  10. susan

    October 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Are you kidding me? Please tell me you snuck some video footage of Mr Even talking about his labia. That would have been priceless blackmail footage!

    Sorry that he tore something, but I’m relieved to know it’s not his.. um.. lady part.

  11. Lindsi

    October 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    My husband had the same surgery almost 2 years ago. Best of luck to you! It was a pretty sucky experience for all parties involved. Maybe that was because we had a 3 month old and he couldn’t lift him for like 3 months.
    You had me questioning my knowledge of what a labia is…and where it might happen to be on a man!

  12. Angela Dicken

    October 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Now that is funny!

  13. Meredith

    October 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Ack! SO good that you got this all clarified. Would have been very awkward at this point in your relationship to discover he did indeed have labia…

  14. [email protected]

    October 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Wow. That’s sounds painful either way. I would suggest a wearing cup if he has anymore issues.

  15. Stefani

    October 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Hahaha so funny. Kinda like the patient that came into my dad’s office asking if he could check out his “fallopian tubes.” (My dad’s a throat doctor. I guess it made sense…).

    Regardless, surgery is no bueno. Good luck to Even Steven! 🙂

  16. Megan

    October 8, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Hahhahahahahahhahaha omg that’s hilarious. I just love you. Don’t know you but you make me laugh and makes me happy. 🙂

  17. Pam in IL

    October 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Awww, well, I am sorry that Even Steven needs surgery, but you sure gave me a good laugh.

  18. Libby

    October 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    omg. dying of laughter. dying. last time I commented I told you I was the crazy in the lobby laughing to myself at work reading your blog…now Im the crazy in a cubicle still dying of laughter by myself….thanks 🙂

  19. Ken Knowles

    October 8, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Oh, now that last line was too funny! Good stuff, Jamie.

  20. Brooke

    October 8, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    I was laughing out loud so loudly my husband asked, “what?” I proceeded to tell him even Steven tore his labia. His response? Y”yeah? It’s in your shoulder. What’s so funny?!” Ahahahaha!

  21. Denise

    October 8, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Oh. My. God! I laughed so hard I cried!! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!! 😀

  22. Penny Pincher

    October 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    I almost googled “labia” to see if there was a different body party that I didn’t know about!! Good thing I waited until the end of your post (especially because I’m at work). Poor Even Steven . . . he’ll never live this one down. Maybe we should send a get well card to his labia.

  23. Anne

    October 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    News flash. Labia means “lip” in Latin. (Yes, both kinds, unfortunately.) You may have heard of the technical term for those wrinkles women don’t like to get: Naso-labial folds? So ES might have split his lip and needed surgery on his labia. But a plastic surgeon would do it.

    Get well soon, Even Steven!

  24. Jelli

    October 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    You never cease to amuse me, Anna. Loved the mother’s note disclaimer too. Sometimes I edit my blog content knowing mom and granny are reading. Hehe.

  25. sparkling74

    October 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    i told k-ster the other day that women can get prostate cancer now, just to see if he was listening. he said he figured since men can get breast cancer now too. i explained that men have always been able to get breast cancer and i know two of them. don’t know any ladies with a prostate though.

  26. Steph at I'm Still Learning

    October 11, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Just spit green tea all over myself reading this. So freaking funny!

  27. Janine Huldie

    October 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    This was honestly the funniest thing I heard all day probably all week!! Thanks for sharing this and needed this laugh after the day I have had so far 🙂 🙂

  28. Allison @ Motherhood, WTF?

    October 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    This cracked me up. I can just imagine that conversation. I once called my dad (a doctor) and had a similar conversation but it was me telling him that I have Epididymitis. He assured me that I did not have that. I said that I was just at the doctor and yes, I do. I don’t remember what it was I actually had. But I KNOW it was not a swollen testicle.

  29. thedoseofreality

    October 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I am crying with laughter reading this! Oh my God, it is so damn funny. And shoulder surgery is no joke, by the way, so stock up on wine….FOR YOU.

  30. JD @ Honest Mom

    October 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    OMG. Dying laughing. Anna, you KILL me. Or maybe Even Steven does. Whatever. So funny!

  31. Kymm

    October 21, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I love this post so much. And it reminds me of a very similar conversation that went down in my house almost a year ago. My husband came home to tell me that the doctor had found the source of his snoring…he had a abnormally large and swollen vulva. I stared at him long and hard before realizing what he was actually trying to say (the correct term is actually UVULA). I wanted to stifle my laugh because in my mind I entertained the idea of letting him spread this kind of news around his office (made up primarily of women). In the end I took pity and kept the news to friends/family and anyone I could reach by phone and email, and I still laugh at him to this day. Thanks for bringing that moment back!

  32. amkade

    January 12, 2013 at 3:41 am

    I AM SO HAPPY THAT MY HUSBAND IS BACK TO ME HE NOW ADORE AND RESPECT ME ANYTHING I TELL HIM THAT IS WHAT HE FOLLOWS ALL THANKS TO DR UPESA, THE GREAT SPELL CASTER,THIS MAN HIS THE BEST AND STRAIGHT FORWARD SPELL CASTER THAT TELLS YOU THE TRUTH AND YOU WILL GET RESULT UNDER 2DAYS,OTHER SPELL CASTER ARE SCAM BUT DR UPESA, IS VERY TRUSTWORTHY PLEASE IF YOU NEED YOUR LOVER ONCE BACK PLEASE KINDLY CONTACT DR UPESA ON HIS PRIVATE MAIL ([email protected])

  33. mary

    January 25, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    even though i strangled on coffee reading that it was still priceless, i am glad your husband is ok though.

  34. Pingback: Mr. Even Steven - My Life and Kids

  35. Brandy Carlson

    February 5, 2013 at 9:21 am

    you are freaking hilarious! I love it 🙂

  36. Holly

    May 30, 2013 at 12:23 am

    I was over for dinner at a boyfriend’s house once (like high school boyfriend) and all his siblings were teasing him about something or other, so he stood up, in quite a huff and said, “I am not impotent!” We all burst out laughing, so he repeated himself, which made us all laugh more. Took a few minutes for us to calm down and finally someone explained just was impotent meant. Priceless.

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