Laughs

Dear Mom – You Could Have Done Better

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Dear Mom,

I was sitting here during naptime today thinking of all the ways that I have already failed as a mother…

Like the time that I somehow missed the marker on the floor and Simon ate it.

Or how I posted pictures online of Alice sitting on the potty.

Or how when Alice isn’t listening to me, and I want her to come here right now I tell her there’s a monster behind her so that she’ll run, and I don’t have to wait…

I started feeling like a really bad mom.

But then I started thinking about you, and I felt a lot better. I mean – you were (and are) a great mom! But you definitely made your mistakes along the way. In fact, I took the liberty of making a list of a few moments that were less than great…

#1 – Rather than just tell me I couldn’t sing – you told me I had a rare voice gene that didn’t work with microphone “technology”

#2 – Rather than just tell me that I couldn’t dance, and you didn’t like sitting through my dance classes or recitals – you told me I would become paralyzed if I did organized dance

#3You didn’t give me the S-E-X talk until I was in college

#4I was throwing up in public and you YELLED at me

And probably the biggest and most embarrassing thing you ever did…

You didn’t let me shave my legs until I was nearly 15 years old!

My legs probably looked a lot like this for all of junior high school.

Mom – WE’RE GREEK! Even my teachers started asking me when I was going to get to shave my legs.

And when you sent me to that pool party and told me that NO ONE was shaving their bikini lines – well – YOU WERE WRONG!

Whew – glad I got that off my chest. Anyways – thanks for making me feel so much better about how I’m doing as a mom.

XOXO
Anna

On a side note: I would like to thank everyone that coordinated the parade in my honor to celebrate the day that I was allowed to shave my legs. Your support made me feel so special – despite the fact that my legs were covered in bandaids.

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43 Comments

  1. trooppetrie

    January 10, 2012 at 7:33 am

    this was beyond hilarious. thanks for making me giggle this morning

  2. Wani

    January 10, 2012 at 7:43 am

    awesome!

  3. Krystal

    January 10, 2012 at 8:29 am

    OMG! So funny! I shaved my legs, without permission for the first time in fourth grade-with a disposable razor and without shaving cream, soap or even water!!!! I am pretty sure I also got razor burn, but I was sooo cool!!

  4. Rita Moore

    January 10, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Thanks Anna for the laughs this morning! I too used the monster threat for my kids when I was frustrated beyond desperation, when trying to get out of the house on time.
    Keep on loving your family and making people laugh. We all need it so much!

    Love Silly Grammy

  5. Miranda

    January 10, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Love it! Thanks for the laughs!

    Miranda @ Just Drink a Coke.

  6. Amber @ Quilted Euphoria

    January 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Once again you made my day! This was beyond funny! Thanks so much for the giggle!

  7. Sherrri

    January 10, 2012 at 10:44 am

    If there is a funnier post – I don’t where to find it. HILARIOUS!!! Oh my gosh…Monsters behind her so she’d come running and you won’t have to wait….I think I have used that one a time or two. Thank you for making my day! xo

  8. Mom

    January 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Dear Daughter

    Seriously? Give me a break! ….and 15??? I doubt it! I’m sure you were 13.

    Oh and that parade you thanked everyone for? It’s called a HOMECOMING parade and it’s held every year – it was just a fluke that it happened on the day you shaved your legs….

  9. April

    January 10, 2012 at 11:13 am

    lol! I shaved mine without permission too!

  10. Beth @ QueenBee

    January 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I guess I should be happy my Greek children are boys…. although they will be shaving in the 4th grade! I remember sneaking my first leg shaving while my mom was at work. I got a HUGE cut and was freaking out….my dear,older brother told me the best remedy to stop the bleeding was rubbing alcohol. What an ass!

  11. RoryBore

    January 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    OMG — thanks for the laughs!

    I didn’t win mom of the year looks of approval from my mom either for this little exchange.
    me to 4 year old daughter: Why did you keep coming to mommy and daddy’s bed last night?
    her: because I was scared.
    me: why were you scared?
    her: because there was a monster in my room.
    me: really? where?
    her: probably in the closet, or under my bed…..yeah, under my bed. he tried to grab me and pull me under. So I ran to you and daddy.
    me: well honey – that was good thinking. but you know, you don’t have to be afraid of monsters hiding under your bed.
    her: I don’t? why mama?
    me: Because the monsters are under mommy and daddy’s bed.
    No more late night visits.
    I don’t need no award — I get sleep!

  12. Libby

    January 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    hahaha I love your blog. I was laughing so hard about the monster behind her. I do the same thing to get my Vayda out of the tub faster =\ I dont feel so bad now haha.

    http://ineverylittlemoment.blogspot.com/

  13. imklvr

    January 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Was that really your mom up there that commented about the Home Coming parade? If so, I see where you get your humor! You are the BEST, girl! Keep ’em coming!

  14. Meredith

    January 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! My mom lied to me also! When I was in Kdg, I figured out that you got to go home if you were sick. My dad was working an afternoon shift, my mom stayed home, and I had a little sister. My whole family was home while I was at school, and I was worried I was missing something! So I called home one too many times, I guess. My mom told me that if I called home again, the school would make her take me to the doctor for tests that would involve needles!! She had me all freaked out. I didn’t call home again for years!

  15. Mary

    January 10, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Our moms must have been comparing notes. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs either… But I used to ‘sneak’ anyway. I’d leave a landing stip down the front of my shin in case she decided to check. I got made fun of real bad for that when I wore my short basketball shorts at those jr high games. (but I guess I could bring myself to totally go against her wishes:) xo

  16. Marlene D

    January 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I just loved reading this one too! Chuckled several times! Even read it to Den! He laughed too! Linda, by the way, Angie comes up with some really interesting stories also that me and Denny never expericied like she says we did! Quite an imagination!!!!hehe!

  17. Mackenzie

    January 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I love reading your posts! They always make me laugh. I would love to write a few about my Mom too but I’m sure so would be mortified and hurt. Maybe I can say it was a friends Mom…..hmmm. Anyway, thanks for sharing.
    -Mackenzie @ http://www.fridaynightdatenight.blogspot.com

  18. Ann @ Suburban Prairie Homemaker

    January 11, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I laughed so hard I almost spit out my coffee! Thanks for sharing with us!

  19. Jennifer

    January 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Oh, that was awesome!

  20. SheilaG

    January 12, 2012 at 8:51 am

    You are hilarious! I can remember getting comments about my lack of leg-shaving, (ok, hairy legs).

  21. Rebecca Scott

    January 12, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Wow, your mom sounds…um…caring? Heh. Trust me, I know all about bad mothers. Nothing you’re doing to your kids sounds all that horrible. πŸ˜‰ I laughed myself silly over the whole “voice gene” thing.

  22. Karen

    January 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Thanks for helping me start my day with a giggle! (Does your mom read your blog?)

  23. Shiloh

    January 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Haha, so funny. I love the monster idea. I’ve definitely missed some stuff on the floor that my daughter ate…The worst was a dead lizard…:(

  24. Charlene Austin

    January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    SO funny!! Your mom needs a blog!!

  25. Kai

    January 15, 2012 at 9:43 am

    BWAHAHAHAHA … GASP … (pause) I’m too darned OLD to be laughing this hard, Anna! What are you trying to do, girlie, rid the population of old folks? (BWAHAHAHAHA CONTINUED!)

  26. Danee

    January 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    My experience as the mom of a 13 year old girl and 6 year old boy is we over compensate for what we had issues over. So I predict you give you daughter her first razor at 3, all kids forced to dance and sing…pageants anyone? Oh you did that too. I told my kids that Barney and Wiggles SUCKED big time and neither watched them (they were both a little before your time as mom but believe me they sucked and every generation has their horrible kid acts.) I used to tell me daughter my ears hurt when she talked non stop in the car. That wasn’t so nice. We all have moments we aren’t proud of. Your kids will survive because your are funny.

  27. Tricia

    January 16, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Thanks for the laugh on this yucky grey day!

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  30. Calypso

    April 17, 2012 at 10:23 am

    ANd this one goes STRAIGHT to my laugh file.

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  32. Jackie

    July 6, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Oh my gosh, I think you might be even funnier than Anna !!! If you wanna trade her in or add one more to your family…. give me a call. Oh, and I have FIVE kids that could use a Grandma…remember that when Mother’s day and Grandparents days roll around.

  33. Tara Denny

    July 17, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Oh. My. Goodness. I can tell that I am going to be spending a lot of time on your blog. Just to hear your mom stories, if nothing else.
    I think our moms went to the same school of parenting, but she wins the prize for the singing excuse. Bless her heart though for not wanting to hurt your feelings.

    Have a great day and happy SITS day!

  34. TheFoodnatic

    July 19, 2012 at 10:02 am

    *giggles uncontrollably* OH MY GOSH! My momma did some of the same things! Only…she tried to convince me if I NEVER shaved at all, I would never need to. >.< Worst.lie.EVA!! German/Scandinavian/Italian/Scottish….we have HAIR! If the 3 ft of it (down to the bottom of my butt) wasn't any indication to her I wasn't sure what WOULD be. Moms….lol… And now WE are "Mom"s. Oh, Karma….if I could slap you I would….you bitch. =)

  35. Barbara

    October 14, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Oh my gosh. The comment about your “voice and microphone technology” struck my funny bone! I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes! I found your site through DIY blogs and have been going through all the stories. I’m posting the links on my facebook for my family to enjoy. You are hilarious and we all need a good laugh today!Thank you!

  36. Johnna

    November 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    you are a trip, girl! πŸ˜€

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  38. Elise @ Crap, Did I just say that out loud?

    January 19, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    OK, I just found your blog..and where have I been? I kind of love you. (creepy? too soon?..ya, you’re right, too soon. sorry about that.) You and your mother both seem fantastic, and I totally love that you wrote this post, I started laughing just after reading the title. And I’m totally with you on the injustice of not being able to shave your legs until you’re ready to go into hibernation, my mom did that to me too.

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  40. My Special Kind of Crazy

    March 18, 2014 at 8:49 am

    I totally shaved mine over at my neighbors house when I was 13 because as someone that spends all summer at the beach, I was very aware that my legs were like 2 pets hanging out with me at the beach while all my friends had nice smooth non-pettable legs.

  41. [email protected] A New Organized Me

    March 18, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Thanks for the laugh Anna. I really needed it this morning.

  42. Debbie McCormick

    March 18, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I can relate to your mom, in that, when I didn’t want my oldest daughter to play softball again I bribed her with a tree frog instead. Then it choked on a cricket and died. Sometimes as parents we will say anything to get out of a weekly obligation. I can’t remember when I first shaved my legs but I’m sure it was way before I was 15. You SHOULD be traumatized over that one! lol

  43. Natasha J

    March 18, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    omg thank you for number 5, glad to now i wasnt the only one tortured by that haha, but i was raised by my super old fashioned grandma…loved her though πŸ™‚

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