Mom Life

Dating for Mom Friends

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Dating for Mom Friends

Finding mom friends is like dating all over again.

Let me back up…many of my good friends don’t have kids yet.

As a first time and stay-at-home mom of an almost one-year-old, I realized pretty quickly that I would need to find some mom friends to help keep my sanity.

So, I set out to meet some new friends.

I would meet a new mom with a baby around the same age as G and I would think to myself, “Ok, ok don’t blow it, act cool, this could be your new best friend and her baby could be G’s future best friend. Should I get her number?  Or is that too desperate after just meeting her?  Maybe I should see if we run into each other again, then perhaps it’s meant to be?”

While I’ve played it cool sometimes, other times I have really just put myself out there.

One day I was driving home and saw two moms around my age with infant strollers.  They were laughing and enjoying each other and their babies.

I slammed on my breaks, pulled into a driveway, TURNED AROUND, creepily slowed down next to them and rolled down my window.

I said, “Hi, I know this is creepy,” (uh, yeah, super creepy) “But I’m a new mom looking for some mom friends,” (what a weirdo…), “Could I get your phone number and maybe we could go on a walk sometime?” (LOSER!)

They were actually really nice and seemingly not creeped out (or were at least faking it to be nice), and we did go on one walk.

Only one – I think I was broken up with because I haven’t seen them since.  I’ve tried getting back together, but somehow it never seems to work out.

They’re just not that into me I guess.  Did I say the wrong things?  Was it them, not me?

After playing my desperation card, I realized I just had to be patient, and you know what?  I’ve been able to meet some fantastic mom friends through random circumstances.

We’re honest with each other about motherhood, namely the ups and downs we’ve faced over the past year – it’s so refreshing.

And the funny thing is, they had similar ‘dating’ stories as me.

Bottom line is, I didn’t realize that becoming a mom would make me enter a different kind of dating scene, but I’m grateful I’ve found a few good friends that get me.

 

 

23 Comments

  1. Emmy

    February 20, 2014 at 9:48 am

    I am in the exact same situation! I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and none of my close friends have kids yet. She is at the age where I want to take her out to meet new people and play but I don’t know anyone really to do that with. If you are still looking for a mommy friend, I am in Cincy!

  2. CM Pannell

    February 20, 2014 at 10:49 am

    So imagine this….you are 42 (in 2009) and your husband is 47 – you have 2 boys in High School and a daughter in Jr. High. You have many friends with kids the same ages – you’ve had them for years. Things are great.

    Suddenly you find yourself reminded that God has a sense of humor because you are now unexpectedly pregnant with your 4th. After the shock wears off, you decide she really is a blessing and you are grateful she is part of your family. Besides, your new baby is the best form of birth control for those older siblings. LOL 😉

    Let me just say it’s so much harder now for me to find friends for both me (now 47) and my 4 yr old daughter. Very few women out there can relate to having boys in college, a daughter in High School and a daughter in preschool. So I totally get where you’re coming from even though I’m much older and she’s not my first.

    Loved your post!
    Michelle

  3. Lynn

    February 20, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    I loved this post because I laughed my head off. I am a much older mom and I remember feeling exactly like you felt when I had young children so I wish we had blogs like this in the dark ages of the 1980’s. Using your experiences with humor really made my day!
    I will pass this on to all the new moms I know.
    Lynn

  4. Lisa R. Petty

    February 20, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I can totally relate. We have had to move twice during my son’s 17 years on the planet, and by move I mean from Florida to Indiana, and from Indiana to Ohio. I have always had a super tough time making mom friends because my son hates sports. So, I don’t get to hang with the other soccer moms. Whenever I did, I didn’t fit in any way.
    My son is a rock musician. They don’t allow everyone’s mom to come to practice, which is at my house most of the time. Plus, his band friends are in their late teens and early twenties. They don’t really hang with their moms anymore.
    This is why I talk to cats.

  5. Beth

    February 20, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I moved to a new city with a toddler and got pregnant with my second shortly after we moved. It has been incredibly hard to make friends at this stage of my life when I hardly have time to nurture existing relationships let alone put in the time necessary to develop new ones…

  6. Evie

    February 20, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    I am an older mom (43) to a 6 year-old. We moved when my daughter was a baby, and I am far away from friends and family. It has been damn near impossible meeting people I have anything in common with. I used to go to the playground, trolling for mom-friends, and they were all 20 years old! And they usually had baby-daddy drama. I FINALLY found a friend my age who happens to be my daughters best friend. And my husband gets along with her husband! Score! They are happy to have found us, too. But I would still love some other mom buddies who aren’t babies themselves!!

  7. thedoseofreality

    February 20, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    And man when you find a good group you just hold on with a death grip, because nothing beats good, validating girlfriends!!

  8. Bethany Bauer

    February 20, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    This was almost my exact situation, except I was already pregnant with Secundus when we moved. It took me a year and a half to connect with other moms here. Between the isolation of a new area and a deployment and post partum, it was probably the worst period I’ve ever gone through.
    By chance I met two women from the local MOMS Club chapter one morning and it totally changed everything. Those friendships have been casual and deeper, some short term, some longer lasting, but all have been a network of support. I came home that first morning positively giddy and joked to my husband that I’d just made 40 friends for the bargain price of $20/year.

  9. Nicole Calabretta

    February 20, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    So funny to read this because this is exactly how I’ve described it to people! Sometimes going to the park is like going to the bars all over again! Like how are you going to swing your child with mine and talk with me and not even ask me for my number!
    I’m glad to see I’m not alone feeling this way!

  10. Laura

    February 20, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    Michelle– We are kismet mom friends. I got remarried at 41 to a man without kids. I already had a teenage son from my first marriage but was happy to go for it again and share the fun with my new husband. Fast forward six years to today, and I too am 47 with a four-year-old daughter. My hubby is now 54 and my son is about to turn 22. Finding new mom friends in their mid-forties with a little one has definitely been a challenge. I’ve made a few good friends and feel lucky to have found them, but they still can’t totally relate since none of them also have an older kid.

  11. rebecca at thisfineday

    February 20, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    I can totally relate. I had a neighbor SAHM friend built in. It was great- until she moved. I cried, like super cried when I saw that moving van leave the driveway. I cruised parks, and libraries but nothing stuck. It wasn’t until my daughter entered preschool at 2 yrs 9 mos that I actually made new close mom friends! Thank goodness.

  12. CM Pannell

    February 21, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Laura: You don’t happen to live in Texas do you??? 🙂 Sounds like we’d be perfect for each other.

  13. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Rebecca! I can’t imagine how hard that must of been. I’m so grateful to hear that you’ve made some great new friends, and it gives me additional hope that I’ll meet some more great mom friends as G gets older.

  14. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    Oh Nicole, your comment had me laughing so hard! I loved you equating the park to the bars! And I totally agree about someone not asking for your phone number – you invest all that time and they aren’t even going to make a move? Haha!

  15. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:09 pm

    Bethany, I can’t imagine having all of that change at once – new baby, new home, deployment, etc – WOW! You go girl. Loved your last sentence about finding 40 new friends for a bargain price – priceless!

  16. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    Amen to that!!! You hold on for dear life – that is for sure! Thanks for reading!

  17. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Evie, SO happy to hear you’ve found a good friend and that your husband gets along with hers – that is a double bonus for sure and definitely hard to find sometimes! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your experience.

  18. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Beth, I think we will look back at this stage of our lives and think how incredibly hard and often lonely it was, but we will come out stronger on the other side. While it sounds cheesy, I really do believe that. I bet you will find some friends in some unusual circumstances. I never thought it was going to happen and that’s how it happened to me. Hang in there friend!

  19. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Love it, Lisa! Thanks for sharing your story. I love me some music – I think that’s awesome! And cats can be really good listeners. 🙂

  20. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    Thanks for reading my post, MOM!!! Haha – love that you are trying to be incognito. You’re still the best, LOVE YOU!

  21. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Thanks so much for reading, Michelle! It’s amazing after this post went up because it seems like so many moms are in the same boat, regardless of the situation. Sure makes me feel less alone, so thanks for your sharing your story!

  22. Britt Nielsen

    February 22, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Thanks so much for reading, Emmy!! Shoot me an email at [email protected]!!!

  23. Kim

    February 22, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    … and it’s not just when you are a new SAHM. Once you find a few really great friends, sometimes they move or go back to work and you have to find new friends to hang out with during the day.

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