Laughs
Chastity Club
As you know, my mom made sure I remained a virgin all through high school.
At the time, I didn’t care a single bit about being a virgin (or about my terrible haircut or my manly muscles).
In fact, I was the president of my school’s chastity club.
I guess I should rephrase that – first I STARTED the chastity club at my school.
Then I named myself president as I was the only member at the time.
I forced my friends to become members, and we held a public ceremony in the gym where we swore to remain virgins until the day we were married.
Our parents were downright giddy and bought us flowers and chastity rings to wear on our right ring fingers.
I envisioned my wedding night – standing in a hotel room with my husband, gazing romantically into his eyes and slipping the chastity ring off my finger and giving it to him.
He would say, “You were worth the wait.” just before taking my virginity.
I’m sure it will shock you to learn that things didn’t exactly happen that way. But that’s a post for another day. Or maybe never, actually.
Back to high school…
My virginity club quickly gained in popularity – partly because I provided baked goods at our monthly meetings – but mainly because I encouraged born-again virgins.
Born-again virgins are people that have had sex in the past, and vow not to have sex again until they are married. The best part about my born-again virgin policy was that you could become a born-again virgin over and over and over again. We were all about second (and third and fourth and fifth) chances.
You could become a born-again virgin every month if you wanted to – just as long as it was before our monthly meeting.
Luckily for my daughter, I have all of my Chastity Club agendas and meeting minutes saved in a box for her.
The day before she starts high school, we’ll head straight to Great Clips to give her the awesome haircut of my youth.
And in-between her body-building sessions, she can use my old Chastity Club notebooks as a guide to create a club of her very own.
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11 Comments
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Janine Huldie
September 23, 2013 at 7:04 am
So need my daughters to join this club. If you did a mass signup, I would so sign them up with you!! So not looking forward to the teen years with two girls. Enough said!!
Kellie
September 23, 2013 at 8:23 am
Omg….scan those notes and post them here! I want to see! This is just too great.
Frugalistablog
September 23, 2013 at 9:39 am
This is a great idea!! It’s so nice you were considerate of 2nd and 3rd chances. With muscles and haircuts like that, who needs ankle length denim skirts?
Kasey
September 23, 2013 at 9:49 am
Hahaha! Love this too funny!
JD @ Honest Mom
September 23, 2013 at 10:39 am
Yep. My daughters will be in that club. But no born-again nonsense for them. They will BE THE REAL THING. Hubs will do everything in his power to be sure of that. Ha!
Lucy
September 23, 2013 at 11:58 am
This was too funny! Is this another one of your cut your head off and paste it on someone else’s body projects?
Ariana
September 23, 2013 at 11:58 am
Give up sex for cookies and muffins…I’d become born again once or twice a month!
Anna Luther
September 23, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Sadly Lucy – that is really a picture of me in high school. Seriously
Anna Luther
September 23, 2013 at 1:16 pm
Amen to that Ariana! I become born-again at least once a month. Works about as well as a… headache. 🙂
Romy
September 23, 2013 at 10:55 pm
My Mom and her friends had a club in high school, the “ASSociation.” My Mom was the president because she had the biggest butt and my best friend’s mother was the secretary because hers was the smallest.
Sue
September 23, 2013 at 11:54 pm
I would have probably laughed at your chastity club when I was a teen (despite the fact that I was a prime candidate for it what with being a virgin and no guy being remotely interested in me).
Now of course I think it’s a brilliant idea. Where do I sign my girl up for it?