My Husband

Bootcamp, Part II

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Remember how I told you that during a fit of PMS – or total and utter insanity – or maybe it was drunkenness?

I can’t really remember, but I bought a Groupon for bootcamp classes.

And then I went to a 5 am class and nearly died. And Even Steven found me like this.

Well, I’ve kept up with the bootcamp classes because they also have evening classes, which work much better for my sleeping schedule.

Except now I spend my entire day trying to think of reasons why I can’t go.

One week I had a terrible cold.

The next week, my shoulder felt a little broken.

Last night I spent about three hours trying to work up the nerve to throw myself down the stairs.

I never could do it.

My ankle feels funny.
My feet are swollen.
My varicose vein is bulging.
My heart is racing.
My one eye is bigger than the other.
I have man hands.
I forgot to eat dinner.
I ate too much dinner.
I’m drunk.
I’m sober.
I’m too thin.
I’m too fat.
My knees are cracking.
I’m too old.
I’m too tired.
I just can’t do it……

But I still go, because Even Steven is a freaking drill sergeant. Seriously – he is.

Even Steven is a Drill Sgt. @ My Life and Kids

I learned long ago that if there’s something I know I should do, that I don’t really want to do, the absolutely worst thing I can do is tell Even Steven about it.

Because he loves to help me meet my “goals.”

I want to lose a few pounds? He “helps” me with my food choices. I accidentally sign us up for a marathon? He runs it with me.

I say I want to take bootcamp classes? He catches me when I try to fall down the stairs and then tugs an exercise shirt over my head and pushes me out the door.

There’s no way around it – I have to go to bootcamp.

Even though I have man hands.
And I’m cold.
And Even Steven tore his labia.
And I have a vasshole.
And my 2nd toe sticks out further than my first toe…

Did you know that Parents Magazine chose me as one of the top five blogs Most Likely to Make You Laugh? I’d love to have your support! You can click here to vote for me once a day until February 24th. Thank you!


  1. Christine

    February 18, 2013 at 6:49 am

    So funny. We all do this with exercise, try a s think of an excuse not to go. Even though we know we feel better afterwards.

  2. My Half Assed Life

    February 18, 2013 at 7:14 am

    It’s good of Even Steven to be so supportive. That wouldn’t stop me from signing him up for something though.

  3. Janine Huldie

    February 18, 2013 at 7:14 am

    You sound so much like me and I could so see Kevin pushing me out the door as I don’t want to do this or just about anything else!! That said I voted for you and have a great week!! πŸ™‚

  4. thedoseofreality

    February 18, 2013 at 8:06 am

    Oh yes, I learned long ago not to share my goals with my hubby, as like Even Steven he then feels it is his goal to help me meet them! πŸ˜‰

  5. Steph at I'm Still Learning

    February 18, 2013 at 8:24 am

    What I would give to meet Even Steven some day. Ha ha.

  6. Dona

    February 18, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Well, I say, good for you! For doing it! Myself, I’ve learned to NOT sign up for anything that takes me out of the house at anytime of the day or night. Even if it were something fun, say, cake decorating….I’d find an excuse not to go. So I’m totally in awe of anyone who makes themselves do it!

  7. Amy

    February 18, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    You need to write about boot camp more often. It always motivates me to exercise. Except that one time, when it motivated me to nap on the couch.

  8. Momchalant

    February 18, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    Pshh I wish my boyfriend would forcefully be my boot camp teacher. I guess this is a good time for the old saying, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Send Even Steven this way! I’ve got some fat on top of fat I could spare to get rid of.

  9. KpMcD

    February 18, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Oh man, the Mister does this too! Except I get so cranky with him when he does it (because I’m usually already 90% to making my mind up otherwise) that he makes sure to urge me on “toward my goals” in public places, so I can’t lash out at him like a rabid badger for reminding me how many carbs are in that slice of carrot cake.

  10. Mom

    February 18, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Dona – I’m with you!! Even when I know I will love it when I get there I HATE having “have to’s” hanging over my head!! I avoid anything that requires a scheduled commitment – it was true when I worked but I find it even truer now that I am in “retirement”. πŸ™‚ Wonder what that’s called? Schedule Commitment Phobia? or something similar – I’m sure there’s a cure for that – hope I never find it πŸ™‚
    Anna’s Mom
    p.s. thanks for always being so supportive of Anna Banana! You are the best!

  11. Emily

    February 18, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    you literally could have written this about my husband. in a moment of weakness i tell him my hopes and goals. the next morning, there is a schedule waiting for me on the kitchen table…

  12. Megan

    February 19, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    My hubby is the same! He will “suggest” I not take such large portions at supper and nudge me when my alarm goes off in the morning and I don’t bounce out of bed. He says he’s doing it so I won’t be mad at myself later (totally true) but I still want to smack him in the face.

  13. Carol Paxman

    February 20, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Ok, I don’t want to scare you or anything, but I think I love you…well, not really you, but the image of you I have in my mind. I’ve just spent almost my entire work day looking through your blog, which is hard cause my boss keeps asking for things. Men! Coffee may or may not have shot out of my nose a few times. You make me laugh so hard! Freaking hysterical, keep it coming and I’ll keep laughing~

  14. Pingback: Weekly Wrap Up - February 24 (and last day to vote!) - My Life and Kids

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