My Husband

Banned From the Lottery

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Even Steven banned me from Craigslist, and now he’s banned me from the lottery too.

I don’t play all that often – maybe once a year. But when I do buy a ticket – I have NO DOUBT that I’m going to win.

Seriously.

For at least 24 hours, I’m ABSOLUTELY positive I’m going to win.

MY LATEST VIDEOS

I pick out my outfit that I’ll wear when the TV crew shows up to interview me. (Yes- granny panties and all.)

I make sure not to post anything ridiculous on Facebook like, “If I win, we all win.”

I force Even Steven to sit down and make a list of all the things I’d do with our money when we win:

*Pay someone to peel the wallpaper and paint the hallway
*Hire a cleaning lady to come twice a month
*Hire someone to go into the garage attic to get some stuff down for me (Even Steven has been refusing for nearly a year now)
*Buy a bunch of Christmas lights and do it up right this year
*Hire a personal trainer (hoping to find one that will just exercise FOR me)
*Donate a bunch to charity
*Buy a TON of Crisco just to have on hand
*2-ply toilet paper, BABY!

That’s as far as I’ve gotten. (And yes – this is the face Even Steven makes when he sees my list.)

Even Steven

Despite my endless optimism, I’ve yet to win the lottery. And I’m usually really, really shocked to lose. I have a day-long pity party and cry as I put away my “I just won the lottery outfit.”

Even Steven hates to see me like that.

So I’m not allowed to play anymore. And that’s fine for now.

But someday – I just know – someday – I’m gonna win it big.

And if I win, we all win**.

**By “all” I am referring to my immediate family members and some extended family members. Thank you.

9 Comments

  1. Lisa

    October 11, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Well, it never hurts to have hope…I hope I win the lottery, too. But, I guess I would have to play in order to win.

  2. Hope

    October 11, 2012 at 11:40 am

    You are hilarious! I know the feeling though. Foumd your blog indirectly through SITS.

  3. Jelli

    October 11, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Loved the 2-ply tp mention. You’re a hoot, Anna. No doubt about it. My husband banned me from buying anything other than fantastic bread items at the local 7-11 type store last week. Aside from my bold stubborn stand against the demand, I still haven’t been back. (I bought wrapping paper that he deemed way too expensive.) Hehe.

  4. Janine Huldie

    October 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Anna, seriously your posts usually put into to fits of laughter and this one did not disappoint. I loved the whole outfit you picked out right down to the 2-ply toilet paper too. Awesome πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  5. Mollianne

    October 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    My husband, the amazing Rocket Man, has made a rule that I have to wear home the same clothes I wear when we go out to a party. All because I got hot once and took off my clothes (in a different room) and donned a 3XL t-shirt abandoned by the host when he took it off to jump in the pool. I kept on my granny panties and the shirt came down to my knees. I don’t know what all the fuss was about. He’s always making rules like that. What’s up with that?

  6. Motherhood ADIM

    October 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    The last time I played (a few months ago), as I walked into 7-11 to buy the ticket, a penny was on the ground in front of the door. I THOUGHT IT WAS MY LUCKY SIGN!! I picked it up while maniacally saying to myself, “see a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck!” I practically skipped home. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO WIN!

    Guess what? I didn’t.

  7. Maria

    October 12, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Anna, Seriously, your blog makes me laugh so much! I had to show my hubby a photo(shopped?) of Even Steven last night because I thought it was so funny. I don’t know why he didn’t share the same uncontrollable giggles. Anyway, should you get back on the lottery horse, I found this kindle freebie you may be interested in The Ninth Siddhi – Use yoga meditation to win the lottery If you are going to do it, might as well do it right, no? πŸ˜‰ Thanks for lightening my day! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008JJY5OQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B008JJY5OQ&linkCode=as2&tag=mahond-20

  8. Pingback: We're Going to Win #WinYourWay - My Life and Kids

  9. amkade

    January 12, 2013 at 3:40 am

    I AM SO HAPPY THAT MY HUSBAND IS BACK TO ME HE NOW ADORE AND RESPECT ME ANYTHING I TELL HIM THAT IS WHAT HE FOLLOWS ALL THANKS TO DR UPESA, THE GREAT SPELL CASTER,THIS MAN HIS THE BEST AND STRAIGHT FORWARD SPELL CASTER THAT TELLS YOU THE TRUTH AND YOU WILL GET RESULT UNDER 2DAYS,OTHER SPELL CASTER ARE SCAM BUT DR UPESA, IS VERY TRUSTWORTHY PLEASE IF YOU NEED YOUR LOVER ONCE BACK PLEASE KINDLY CONTACT DR UPESA ON HIS PRIVATE MAIL ([email protected])

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