A Letter to Younger Anna
Dear Younger Anna,
*Your hair is just awful, terrible and more terrible. Don’t listen to your mother when she tells you it’s wonderful. She’s a liar. You need to grow your hair out now (and stop putting french fries up your nose.)
*Seriously – your mom is a liar. You don’t have a special voice gene – you won’t get paralyzed if you participate in organized dance classes – and you aren’t going to Disney World.
*Don’t run that marathon. It really isn’t worth it. (Which means don’t drink and surf the internet with your credit card.)
*Stop eating Crisco out of the can. Just put the spoon down now.
*There are 50 states – not 52.
*You know how excited you were when your brother got that BB gun? Don’t be. He’s going to shoot you with it – more than once.
*The Spanish foreign exchange student understands pig latin. In fact, pretty much everyone except for your mom understands pig latin.
*You’re going to marry that boy in the duck boots. Don’t worry when he doesn’t call you right away – he will eventually.
*Teaching everyone your favorite party trick isn’t the most professional thing to do during a job interview – even if you did get the job.
*Stop asking people to punch you in the face as hard as they can. Even if you are wearing a fencing mask. It makes Even Steven mad.
*That house that you hated the first time you walked through it… you know – the one covered in wallpaper and nicotine stains? You’re going to buy it and LOVE it. Seriously.
*You don’t have to have all three of your kids in three years. It wouldn’t kill you to spread them out a little bit (but I know you won’t listen to that one.)
*You’re going to get mean comments on your blog. People are going to be talking crap about you in chat rooms. Not everyone is going to enjoy reading. It’s okay. This blog could go away tomorrow, and you’d still have three adorable kids and an Even Steven. Who could ask for more than that?
*Simon is going to be a climber. Get ready.