Shark Bait

I mentioned last week that Even Steven is terrified of sharks. It’s the one thing that really freaks him out.

One summer before we were married, we went to Hawaii to visit my brother and sister-in-law. My brother is a marine biologist and shark researcher and he and his wife (and kids) lived in Hawaii for 10 years. I had the tough job of visiting them as often as I could. (Which was much more often before I got married, and my parents were footing the bill!)

Anyways – my brother took Even Steven and me snorkeling at this gorgeous place called Hanauma Bay – perhaps you’ve heard of it? He explained that the best snorkeling was outside of the reef (and away from the tourists.)

The only way to get to the other side was to go underwater and pull yourself through a hole in the reef by holding onto a cable line running underwater. It was a little scary, but it was well worth it. There were far fewer people, the water was deeper, and it was gorgeous.

Hanauma Bay Hawaii

But – as Even Steven was immediately aware – it also meant that we didn’t have the protection of the reef from marine life – like sharks.

As we snorkeled, I asked my brother to take an underwater picture of myself and Even Steven.

We all went underwater, and my brother made a motion with his hand for us to back up. He did this several times and snapped a quick picture.

Taken right before Even Steven disappeared

And then Even Steven disappeared.

He was swimming as fast as I’d ever seen him swim towards shore. By the time my brother and I went back under the reef and through the hole to catch up with him – he was already on the beach taking off his snorkeling gear.

“What happened? Are you okay?” I was worried.

“Where is it? Was it close to us?” He asked in a panic.

“What are you talking about?”

“The shark. Was it close to us?”

When my brother was making the motion for us to back up – Even Steven thought he was making the motion to “RUN” or “SWIM AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO ESCAPE JAWS!”

And he did.

Did Even Steven show any concern for me or my brother? Did he look behind him once to see if we were being carried out to sea by Jaws?

No. He did not.

Did he basically leave us there for dead?

Yes. He did.

And that is the one time that I ever doubted Even Steven’s love for me. That was over 12 years ago – but as I’m writing this right now I’m getting really, really mad at him. I CANNOT believe he left me there to die and get eaten by a shark.

I’m so mad, I could just…

Even Steven is Shark Bait

Whew – that feels better…

{Hanauma Bay Image Credit.}

 

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25 comments on “Shark Bait

  1. That is so hilarious!!!! And I’ve decided I really need to wait until the afternoon to read your posts (I’m going to read as far back as you go, & HOPE it’s LOTS of posts ’cause they crack me up!) because when I read them in the MORNINGS, my head hurts all day from laughing so hard. I blogged about YOUR blog yesterday & told everyone to come over here. When the BLOGGIES (my equivalent of Grammys) chooses YOU as their overall WINNER – and, of course, they WILL – I will not only NOT be surprised, I will have stuffed the ballot box with VOTES for you! Have a super Monday!

  2. I love the Jaws pic…you are too funny! Happy MLK day! You really make me want to photoshop some pics of my husband….lol

  3. Love that therapy photo at the end! Your mad Photoshop skillz are inspiring (I’ve been told using a “z” makes your skills extra mad.)

    When I was pregnant w/our first my husband woke me up one night when he sat up suddenly in our bed. I sat up and asked what was wrong and pushed me back down as he jumped out of bed and RAN down the hall. He came back a few minutes later and went back to sleep without saying anything. The next morning, when I asked him, he said he had been dreaming the bed was full of snakes. That was the day he learned to think before speaking.

    • That’s almost as bad as when my husband had what turned out to be a bad dream and he wanted ME to check the extra bedroom because he heard a noise and thought someone was in there. Um, no, honey, YOU’RE the one with a bat under your side of the bed. Me? Um, a chapstick, some used kleenex (hmmm, maybe I should clean those up), and a library book. Can’t imagine any robber will be too scared of Nicholas Sparks chick lit!

  4. I’ve been to Hanauma Bay and it is absolutely wonderful (and yes I snorkeled in the “tourist” area). Don’t be too hard on Even Steven. I would have left my husband there too! Hilarious.

  5. So, so funny. He must *really* be afraid of sharks, if his flight instinct overcame his protect-you-instinct. Betcha if you went snorkeling with the kids he’d have grabbed them on his hurried way back.

  6. Forget about the shark, you could NEVER get me to pull myself through a hole underwater into ANYTHING. I don’t care how amazing the view might be or what I might see. No effing way.

  7. Oh goodness, I just laughed at loud reading this…thank you for sharing!

  8. hahahahahahahaha – Okay, there aren’t enough “HA’s” to express how much I’m laughing at this. You are so funny. I also laughed again at Stacie’s comment about the bed of snakes. Just way too much laughing here. hahahahahahha

  9. I only recently found you and I’m so glad I did- you brighten my days with so much laughter! Love your photoshop therapy. My grandmother just carries a gun.

  10. I’m with Kai! The Bloggies! You definitely deserve an award! You just make my day and judgiing by the comments, you can multiply that by many more! And imagine how many people read and don’t comment? Girl, you ARE famous! I wonder if you should be putting all these stories in a book? You just might get rich, as well as famous! I’m serious! And don’t forget, when you get really rich and famous…I’m your adoped grandma…..don’t forget……

  11. You always flipping crack me up. LIke gotta hold-my-pee crack me up. My issues come after 2 kids within 7 years….can’t imagine what 3 babies in 3 years does to the old urethra.

  12. Too freakin funny! Although I probably would have done the same! Love following your blog. Come check mine out when you get a chance…although with three kids don’t know when that will be!

  13. I need a spit guard for my monitor. This is no easy task, reading your blog out loud to family members. Let’s just say snorting and reading don’t mix! Spit is usually always involved.

  14. The general public at present chooses just what it prefers for entertainment, not the main studios and representatives. After you add to that distribution on the web, media, internet sites, from gossip to complete movies. It’s just a completely new world. Much of it good, some not.

  15. This is so funny, specially the picture….Steven you are mean!!! Thanks God 12 years have passed and you are still here :-P