Why You Should Never, Ever Take Candy from a Toddler

Last week, our whole family (two adults, three kids) found ourselves waiting in a long line at the post office.

If you’re wondering what piece of poor parental planning led to this event, let me assure we had no choice. We were getting passports for the kids, and to do this the children and both parents had to be present at the post office. The long line was just a fun added bonus.

Luckily, knowing the kids might be just a little bored on our exciting passports-at-the-post-office outing, I brought along diversions. I gave Ziggy, my three-year-old son, his very own canister of orange Tic Tacs. He was delighted. He spent the better part of our time in line just enjoying opening and closing the lid. Then he moved on to giving himself a pellet of orangey goodness, amusing himself to no end as the line crept forward.

Eventually it was our turn, we signed what had to be signed and then the kids and I were excused while my husband stayed behind to wait in another line to pay and sign another 429 forms.

As we were waiting for him, Ziggy dropped his entire box of Tic Tacs on the filthy post office floor. And while I wasn’t completely comfortable with my decision, I let him pick them up one by painstaking one.

Sure, that isn’t exactly a Mother of the Year choice, but he was so happy, and I convinced myself this was okay because after all, isn’t picking up Tic Tacs an excellent way to practice his fine motor skills?

My husband showed-up just after the last Tic Tac was safely back in its plastic box, and we headed home. I immediately went back out for another box of Tic Tacs so I could secretly swap it with the defiled one.

I got back home, couldn’t find the Tic Tacs, and asked my husband, “Where are Ziggy’s Tic Tacs?”

“Why?” asks my husband.

“Because he spilled those all over the disgusting floor of the post office. We have to switch that box with this new one before he eats any.”

My husband, suddenly pale, splutters “Before he eats any.. he’s been feeding them to me the whole time you were gone!”

And then my husband went and threw up.

And this is why you should never, ever take candy from a toddler… even if they offer really, really nicely.

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About Anna Sandler

Anna Sandler is living happily ever after in the land of disco fries and jug handles with her Jersey-bred husband and three NYC-born children . Anna writes about motherhood and mayhem on her blog RandomHandprints.com, and about her husband’s humorous choices on her Facebook page - Instructions for My Husband.

36 thoughts on “Why You Should Never, Ever Take Candy from a Toddler

  1. Seriously just threw up a little in my mouth after I stopped laughing. Oh man that does sound like something that could happen around here with a 4 year old and 2 1/2 year old, too!!

  2. This post was sort of had a Sixth Sense twist at the end to me…I read the title as in why you shouldn’t take candy as in “take away” not as in “take when being offered to you”. So I was waiting for the toddler tantrum in the middle of a crowded post office punch line….this twist was much funnier!

  3. Haha! Here’s my toddler caveat – if you ever have snacks in our house, there’s no guarantee it’s not been previously licked!

  4. Nothing, I repeat nothing, will ever go from a child’s hand directly to my mouth. Such a scary thout!

  5. Preaching to the converted here. But it gets worse. One time my little piece of angel food cake daughter caught me distracted and said “Smell this” while putting her hand in my face. So absentmindedly I did, then she giggled and squealed “I had my hand in my BUTT”! NEVER. SMELL. ANYTHING. EITHER. My next words (after “eeeew”) were “Go wash your hand. AND your butt!”.

  6. My aunt took a twizzler from her 2yr old grandson. It only took one bite for her to realize he had just stirred the kitty litter with it!!!!

  7. Hahaha. I just read that out loud to my husband and we both got a good chuckle. Until I got to the part where your husband threw up. MY husband’s response? Wuss!. I, however, find your husband’s response normal. My hubby is abnormal, but he’s a butcher and sees worse so….

  8. I need to carefully scrutinize a few happy memories I have if my kids sharing* candy with me. Or, maybe, nope. Maybe I shouldn’t.

    *autocorrect wanted this to be “sharting.” Nice one AC!

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