How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin: The Prequel

A few months ago, I wrote a post called, How To Keep Your Daughter a Virgin for As Long as Possible.

At the time that I wrote it, I thought that my mom’s Virgin Strategy started with my super, amazing haircut in high school.

But in looking through old pictures – and based on my personal memories of junior high – I actually think that my mom’s strategy was a carefully orchestrated plan that spanned several years – and was put into place on the day I started my period in 6th grade.

Use this strategy to keep your daughter a virgin all through junior high – and to lay the very important foundation to make sure her v-card remains intact all through high school…

#1 – When Your Daughter Starts Her Period… Take her Shopping

Tell your daughter that she is now a WOMAN and act super excited and happy for her.

Tell her you want to take her shopping to buy her something really, really special to celebrate her womanhood.

Then take her somewhere that someone 3x her age would usually shop.

For me, back in the day, that was Dress Barn.

For your daughter, it could be Coldwater Creek or maybe Talbot’s – or even Ann Taylor. Just make sure it’s somewhere that a pre-teen wouldn’t normally shop.

Keep Your Daughter a Virgin Step 1 @MyLIfeandKids

This was my special I’m a Woman! outfit. And I do look like woman, don’t I?

#2 – Turn the Teachers into Fashion Models

Now that your daughter could potentially bear children, the appropriate strategy isn’t to talk to her about safe sex or even abstinence.

Nope – that kind of talk will just drive her into the nearest backseat.

The goal is to turn her into such a giant nerd, that even if she is begging someone to make out with her, it would never happen in a million years.

It’s super simple to achieve this – just have her dress like the teachers.

Here’s a great example of my mom working her magic when I was in 8th grade…

Keep Your Daughter a Virgin Step 2

#3 – Play it Cool

At some point when your daughter starts to complain or feel badly about herself for having never been kissed, offer to pay one of her brother’s friends to kiss her.

Here’s how to make sure this doesn’t backfire on you…

#4 – Take her on Vacation before High School

When you think it’s time to actually let her have her first kiss, make sure it’s with someone that lives a few hundred miles away. Take her on a vacation, let her meet some guys and get that first kiss.

You might have to encourage a “fun” summer haircut to get the results you’re looking for.

And – just to be clear – the “results” you’re looking for are that a boy kisses her – but isn’t exactly sure whether she’s a boy or girl so he doesn’t risk doing anything more.

Keep Your Daughter a Virgin Step 3

Seriously – it took you a few minutes to find me out of the group of boys in this picture, didn’t it?

Exactly.

#5 – Cut That Hair

Once you’ve gotten the clothing and the first kiss out of the way in junior high – it’s time to move into the big leagues of high school. The stakes are higher here, and the risks are greater.

It’s going to take more than some pleated shorts and white tights.

You’re going to need to morph that “summer” cut into a very special haircut for high school.

Keep Your Daughter a Virgin Step 4

BOOM.

This was my high school haircut. And a huge part of my mother’s success with her virginity strategy.

Click here to see Part 2 of my mom’s Virginity Strategy: The High School Years.

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About Anna Luther

Hi, my name is Anna, and I'm here to share my stories, make you laugh and help you feel better about your crazy, messy, fabulous life.

21 thoughts on “How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin: The Prequel

  1. Seriously great advice and so going to have to keep somewhere in the back of my mind for when my girls become teenagers, because with two girls I am going to need all the help I can get!!!

  2. Too funny! I think our moms had the idea (going to file these strategies away for my own daughters). I just love reading your posts, as well as your mom’s comments 🙂

  3. Or even better if a boy came to call for your daughter deny she was even in the house. EVEN IF HE COULD SEE HER WAVING FROM HER WINDOW! If he questioned that fact should ‘Are you calling me a liar?’ or even better, if daughter managed to get to front door before parent to go out with boy then should as they were fleeing down path ‘Dont get her pregnant!’ That sure as hell would stop any wandering hands.

  4. Obviously I meant shout in both instances. Its the aftershocks of the childhood memories coming back. I have four sons and no daughers so please dont tell me that the brain/body does not suffer from childhood shock!!!!

  5. Crying with laughter, mostly because I owned both of the outfits in the first two pictures and spent the better part of my childhood being mistaken for Henry Thomas from E.T.-Ashley

  6. This is great…but mine was easier…..my parents gave me a name no one could pronounce (it’s NOT Donna…it’s Dona, long ‘o’, short ‘a’) and kept me fat. BAM! Oh, and I played flute in band (every band has a fat flute player who has a crush on the bass player ((oh he took my heart!)) ). So if clothes and hair cuts don’t get it, rename them and bring on the junk food.

    (They really didn’t keep me fat, I did that on my own. But it worked.)

  7. My strategy for keeping my daughter a virgin was to start her on the path to full-on nerddom early on. I started by introducing her to Japanese anime at a young age, and made sure she wore her brother’s hand-me-downs whenever possible. When she got older we introduced her to Magic: The Gathering, Dungeons & Dragons, and Doctor Who.
    I sometimes worry that this will backfire on me when she gets older because she will suddenly find herself being the only girl in a large group of boys without girlfriends, but this wasn’t a problem for me when I was younger because all the boys just thought of me as one of the guys.

  8. Wait a minute! My mom bought me womanly clothes too! And prairie skirts. What middle schooler DOESN’T want to wear a prairie skirt?? I had no idea of her schemes until now.

  9. My mom took me to Petite Sophisticates, remember that place? Dress Barn meets short pants. Cause I’m short. I’m tucking this post away for future reference.

  10. Moments like this I’m glad that I have boys so that I don’t have come up with strategic plans to keep the boys away. I’m sure my husbands strategic plan would envolve cleaning a shot gun when she goes out on her first date. Thank goodness for boys.

  11. Okay – well, just now getting to read this. Hmmm…. FIRST of all – you are banned from looking through pictures on your next visit home….pretending to be all nostalgic when really you were plotting your next attack! SECOND – you looked cute, really – Dad and I both thought so and so did your Grandma’s. THIRD – don’t even try and talk about the times I took you to Lettermen Concerts – you liked them too – but I can see what’s coming.
    And Hillary – my Mom loved Petite Sophisticates!! Anna was just a tad too tall for that wonderland 🙂
    Oh – and another THIRD – my strategy worked or you wouldn’t have met the wonderful Even Steven!! I rest my case.

  12. hahaha, omg I died at Keds. Either my mom has a weird type of mind-control or I was subconsciously doing this to myself, because the bad outfits, hair cuts, oh man, I lived it all.

  13. I just realized that my mom had the same strategy…i just never realized it until now!! I had those exact same outfits…I’ve always just thought my mom had poor taste….but now i see the light!!

  14. If you weren’t raised in Michigan I’d swear that your mom and my mom were best friends. Hell, maybe they were pen-pals. Reading this was like reading a page ripped right out of my Jr. High diary. Hilarious, but yet oh so painful at the same time.

  15. Is it bad that I thought you were the kid in the blue shirt until I realized he was too short? lol

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