Update: In the four months since I originally wrote this post, my mom has a few more posts that she doesn’t like a single bit. I’m adding them here – to make it TEN posts that my mom hates…
In case you didn’t know, my mom is pretty much my biggest fan.
Every morning, I call her no later than 8 am. She has already read my latest blog post, and is ready to tell me how amazing, hilarious and talented I am.
She subscribes to the comments, so I usually get at least one (usually two) calls throughout the day for her to tell me how many comments I’ve received and what they’ve said.
She reads your comments out loud to me. And now that I think about it, I should really just have her respond to your comments on my behalf while we’re on the phone… not a bad idea!
Anyway, every now and then a post comes along that she really doesn’t like.
During our morning phone call she’ll pretend she hasn’t read my post yet (which is my first sign that she doesn’t like it.) And then she’ll call back after she’s had her first pot (or two) of coffee for the day and tell me exactly why she doesn’t like it.
She’s always a good sport about things. She never asks me to take things down or change things. But every now and then, she really doesn’t like what I’ve written.
Here are her the ones she hates the most…
She hates this one with a passion. Seriously – she talks about it more than you’d think. She says things like,
It was a disgusting post. Just disgusting.
It was disgusting when it happened, and it was disgusting when you wrote about it.
I’m not sure why people like it so much.
I knew she wouldn’t like this post while I was writing it. And when I read it out loud to her before it appeared on Scary Mommy, she didn’t laugh once.
Every time it comes up she asks why on earth I had to talk about my “elephant.”
And when someone shares it on Facebook, the intro that shows up in the preview pane really bothers her. Believe me, I’ve heard about it several times.
Despite this, she still read it OUT LOUD to my dad! Which nearly killed me. Thankfully, she left out several words and all of #1 and #9. Whew…
#3 – How Am I Still Alive
This one bothers her because every single thing I mentioned is totally true.
And she especially feels bad about the BB Gun – which she should.
#4 – Major Mom Fail
My mom can barely even talk to me about this one. This post makes her so sad that she cries every time I mention it.
And – unfortunately – Alice still does this every now and then.
Now you’d think that she doesn’t like this post because it makes her look a little… silly.
But, no, that has nothing to do with it.
She doesn’t like this post because it makes her air sick.
I’m not kidding.
I knew this wasn’t going to be on the top of her list. I hit publish on this post, and then I sat back and waited for her phone call.
Really, Anna? You just had to go there, didn’t you?
Yes, mom. Yes I did.
My mom is still in shock (11 years later) that she paid for my tattoo.
I am still in shock that it hasn’t sagged an inch.
#8 – Pooping in Public
I know. I know. I went way too far with this one.
But someone please tell me what else I’m supposed to do when I’m stuck in a bathroom stall with my kids?
She wasn’t offended by this post. Not a single bit.
She was, however, offended that I might think that she didn’t know the other meaning for the word beaver.
I just can’t win…
#10 – Believe it or not, there isn’t a #10… yet.
But if you want to read more about my mom, you can see the post she wrote right here.
Isn’t she the greatest?