Dear Family…

A Letter to My Family from My Life and Kids @LifeandKidsBlog

Dear Family,

After last night’s antics, I think a letter is the only way to really express myself.

Alice – I’m sorry you had such a bad tummy ache last night. I’m sorry that watching television and reading books for two hours in the middle of the night didn’t help. And I think it’s sweet that you insisted on having three bandaids put on your tummy – but that didn’t help either.

And I’m glad you didn’t have appendicitis (well, according to the book I referenced). But I would like to say this: the next time I’m up with you from midnight – 2 am, the least you could do is sleep in past 7 am in the morning. Seriously.

Simon – I’m not sure what kind of crack you’re smoking, but you don’t eat at 3 am. And you don’t eat at 5 am either.

Period.

You’re still my favorite – but please get it together.

Miles – The reason no one was up at 5:30 this morning, is because that is the middle of the night.

And it’s very clever of you to come BACK into my room at 6 am to say you need to poop – but the next time you do that – you better really need to poop. None of this smiling at me while you sit on the potty to pee. Thanks.

Oh – and I know you hid the phone last weekend. Everyone knows it was you. Please just tell us where you put it!

Even Steven – Just tell me what you’d like my response to be next time you wake up in the middle of the night with a sharp shooting pain in your chest and arm. When you’re moaning and can’t move one side of your body, my natural reaction is to try to help.

I’m sorry that all I could think to do was turn on the light and ask you to smile to make sure you weren’t having a stroke. But if you really think that you just slept on your arm wrong, and it fell asleep, then say that immediately before I have a heart attack.

And don’t act annoyed when I try to save your life.

Big Hairy Dog – This has nothing to do with last night, but it needs to be said.

Don’t stand in the yard and eat poop all day long and then act surprised when no one wants to pet you and snuggle with you.

Thank you all for listening. Let’s try a lot harder tonight, okay?

XO
Mom

About Anna Luther

Hi, my name is Anna, and I'm here to share my stories, make you laugh and help you feel better about your crazy, messy, fabulous life.

21 thoughts on “Dear Family…

  1. Loved your note to your family and why is it that when kids decide to be up in the middle of the night they can’t sleep in a bit. Glad you told them that, but seriously, if you do find a way to fix that one, let me know lol!!

  2. I just discovered your blog and currently have tears of laughter streaming down my face as I try to enjoy my coffee in peace before the kidlets are up. Thank you soooo very much for starting my day off right.

  3. Love it! I was already laughing at the beginning but the end part with your dog – hilarious! We have a dog too that LOVES eating poop. Will they ever get it?

    1. I’m guessing from what you’ve written that neither your dog nor Anna’s dog, after eating said poop (which we refer to as poopsicles this time of year), throw it up in the middle of the night, the way our dog does. That’s how we know she’s been eating poop. And it smells just as bad coming up the top end as it does the bottom.

      I would rather get up two or three times with my kids, than have to clean that up at 2am again!

  4. My version would be 5 yo screaming for me at 1 a.m. waking the baby up who cried for an hour after that. When he and I finally fell asleep, the 7 y.o. comes in at 5:00 to loudly tell me he has a tummy ache, waking the baby again, who now thinks it’s play time. When I finally get him to fall back to sleep a second time, the 9 yo is up for the day (on a Saturday, mind you) at 6 a.m. and turns on ALL the lights.

    Oh, and the eating poop thing? Just one of the many reasons we will NOT be getting a dog.

    Family love is the best, ain’t it!?!? :)

  5. I was dying at the “…asking you to smile to make sure you weren’t having a stroke,” and I’m glad to hear HE wasn’t dying. Atta girl keeping your man alive!

    My seven year old lab just started eating poop this past year. I’ve been snuggling with him less, and I don’t think he understands why. Maybe I need to write him a letter?

  6. I may need to write a similar letter to my kids. My daughter was up puking all night in three different areas of the house, which was interrupted by the two year old who screamed “Mommy” like someone was trying to saw off a limb just so I could get his soother which literally was laying an inch away from his face and then the baby cried periodically every few hours just to let me know he was still there and his mouth hurt a little. They are all out to get me and are tag teaming it….all while my hubby pretends none of it exists….let’s hope for a better night.

  7. I know all to well about the “I need to poo” when its actually more like I’m-just-gonna-sit-and-pretend-to-poo-but-pee-instead.

    The dog eating its poop is another peeve I can take! And the dog genuinely looks insulted at the fact that you won’t pet or let it slobber on you! *sigh*

  8. I giggled at this post from beginning to end. I hate those nights…and they do happen often. I usually just lose it about 2pm the next day–you know, turn into a sobbing, sleepy mess. Next time, I should write a letter. So glad to have found your blog. I don’t think I’ve been on here before. Love it!

  9. I’m not sure which part is my favourite…the middle of the night tv viewing, the stroke smile, or the crack smoking – I laughed like a psycho through it all. The best could be the I depth dog poop eating discussion which ensued in the comments….

  10. Ha, this reminds me of when my little sister Lydia was a baby. She would scream and cry and wake us all up in the middle of the night, and then after I finally got back to sleep, I would have a bad dream and need to go sleep with mommy. :) I don’t know how my mother put up with me back then. (And the dog thing is hilarious. Makes me rethink wanting a puppy to grow up with my baby…)

Comments are closed.