Category Archives: My Life
Yesterday was the coldest day of my life.
Okay – it probably wasn’t really.
I was born in the 80′s, and I grew up in Michigan – so I’m guessing that if I had been 8 years old with temps below zero – we wouldn’t have talked about it. My mom would have just sent me out to ice skate on the swamp behind our house.
But – yesterday was the coldest day of my life that I remember. So I’m going with it…
After two weeks of the kids being home for winter break, I was like a lot of you – with school cancelled – and the temps far too cold for me to feel comfortable shoving the kids into the backyard for the day.
It wasn’t the worst snow day I’ve ever had. Not by a long shot.
But it might have been the most educational. Here are 10 things I Learned:
1. The automated “School is Cancelled” phone call comes to our house at 5:27 am. This seems excessively early to me. Right? I understand that teachers and high schoolers that need to be at school far earlier than my kindergartener get the same call but blah blah blah. 5:27!?!?
2. Taking three kids to a well-child visit smack dab in the middle of naptime isn’t much fun. Even when the 2-year-old keeps everyone entertained with potty jokes.
3. The neighbors don’t like it when you let your kids play outside in negative temperatures. (Don’t worry mom – I’m referring to the dirty looks I gave to my neighbors. I didn’t let my kids play outside!)
4. My minivan doors don’t open when it’s below zero.
5. I can get pizza and subs delivered to my door, but try to get someone to deliver a gallon of milk and some eggs because you’re too lazy to take your three kids to the grocery store? Not a chance.
6. I should have bought the 2-year-old snow boots.
7. My 6-year-old doesn’t need more shots until he’s 11. (Unless he is bitten by a raccoon, which was a very serious question that he asked the doctor.)
8. There is an owl living in our backyard, and he spent a good portion of yesterday staring at my kids through the window. I felt a little like he was judging me for the mess (and my hairy legs.)
9. I no longer cry when people start throwing up. It’s just part of my daily routine anymore. And the 2-year-old has gotten really good at running to the tile floor before he starts heaving (which I think means he’s ready to be potty trained, don’t you?)
10. My mother-in-law’s dog likes the taste of puke. And was quite helpful in getting everything cleaned up. (Don’t worry Bing – I’m taking great care of your dog! Really!)
How are the temps in your neck of the woods?
Let’s go ahead and make something very clear here: everything is Even Steven’s fault.
I’m sure you already knew that, but just in case you didn’t, let me repeat myself.
Everything is Even Steven’s fault.
Okay – maybe not really. But it makes me feel better to blame him.
At least a little…
If you’ve been reading my blog or following me on Facebook, then you know that we have been sick since Thanksgiving. Well, since before Thanksgiving, actually.
And by sick, I don’t mean a cold or a little cough. I mean that someone has been throwing up, having diarrhea or in need of medical attention every single day since just before Thanksgiving.
It all started with a family getaway to an indoor water park – where we most likely picked up a parasite. (Read all about it here.)
And just to note – we were NOT at a Great Wolf Lodge. Several of you are die hard fans of Great Wolf Lodge, and I want to make it clear that we did not go to a Great Wolf Lodge for our indoor water park adventure.
We were sick so consistently and for such a long time, that I even created a “calendar of doom” to track everything. Here’s a small glimpse…
Through all of the puking and the pooping, we managed to get ourselves together to celebrate the holidays. We bleached our house, and then bleached it some more.
And I looked forward to leaving the day after Christmas to drive to Florida – confident that the warm temperature and sunshine would cure us all.
A few days before Christmas, Even Steven came down with a fever, cough and upper respiratory illness that required antibiotics and put him in bed for two entire days.
On Christmas Eve, I took Miles and Alice to the doctor for the same symptoms. And – on the day after Christmas – on hour four of our 18-hour road trip to Florida, the 2-year-old and I came down with the same fevers, cough and upper respiratory symptoms.
But we carried on.
I was so positive that some sunshine would be just the thing we needed, that I dealt with the fever and chills and comforting a 2-year-old with fever and chills and a cough in a hotel room, and across several states. I slept on the beach and by day four of our vacation, finally started feeling better.
But then the sun snuck behind a cloud, and stayed there for the remainder of our trip.
And that was when I totally lost it. I mean – I LOST IT.
We were staying in a trailer – and not even in a double wide (more on that in another post, I promise).
I’d been cleaning up puke or dealing with fevers for more than 30 days. And here we were in a trailer park in the middle of Florida, everyone seemed to be healthy, and all of a sudden it got cold and cloudy.
And I was pissed.
At Even Steven.
For the past month, I’d been scrubbing things and lysoling other things and bleaching even more things. I’d been scouring my brain trying to think of what we could all possibly be touching that I was forgetting to clean – positive that it must have been something I was doing wrong.
I even Lysoled the Christmas tree and used Clorox wipes to sanitize everything inside the refrigerator.
But we still kept getting sick.
During my feverish haze on the drive to Florida – sometime after we stopped at a McDonald’s for Alice to dry heave into the toilet and before Simon screamed for three hours in southern Georgia because he had a fever and was sick – I figured out why our entire family had been plagued by illness for such a long time.
It was Even Steven’s beard.
He started growing it during our water park vacation over Thanksgiving, and it stayed with him through all of the puking and pooping and coughing.
It’s not that I thought his beard was dirty or “infected.”
I decided that it was a curse.
A bearded curse that was being cast upon our family – causing illness, sad children, a crazy mother and a LACK OF SUNLIGHT and HEAT on a Florida vacation.
So I flipped out on Even Steven and his stupid trailer and his stupid beard.
He responded by shaving that horrible curse right off his face.
And we spent the rest of our vacation swimming in the pool, eating chili cheese fries on the beach and having some amazing family pictures taken (more on those later too.)
And while I would love to say that the curse has been lifted from our family, Even Steven started throwing up within 24 hours of arriving home from our Florida vacation.
He has suggested that perhaps I need to shave my legs in order to lift the curse – but that seems a bit extreme to me.
I think I should just burn our house down instead.
Has your family ever been sick for 6 straight weeks? Did you want to yank your hair out in frustration? Did you think about calling the health department to see if your house was making you sick? Did you think about moving to a brand new house that was free of germs?
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My great-grandmother used to say that the state of your life on New Year’s Eve was an indication of the rest of your year.
Her advice used to freak me out. I’d spend my last few days of each year racing around, cleaning out closets, doing crunches, Nairing my upper lip and vacuuming like a mad woman. Confident that if my house was messy, my lip was hairy or my closets were a mess – then they would be for the rest of the coming year.
So – looking at how I spent yesterday – here is how my 2014 is looking:
My hair will be unwashed.
I may not be blogging much (if the fact that I haven’t even gotten online once in the last week is any indication)
My upper lip will be hairy.
I will have gray hairs.
My toes will not be polished.
I will be living in a trailer park (more on that next week. LOTS more.)
My clothes will be wrinkled, my kids won’t have clean underwear, and my closets will barely close.
But there will be good things too…
I will spend my days lounging on the beach, eating chili cheese fries.
Whenever given the choice, I will choose to close my computer and spend time with my family.
There will be lots of smiles.
Lots of laughter.
And more sand pies than one woman can eat.
Oh – lots of time spent with this guy:
Happy 2014 to you and yours!
(I seriously can’t wait to tell you about this trailer park!)