Breaking Up with my {imaginary} BFF

Well, I declared my love for Tori Spelling, but unfortunately, I think we have to break up.

Did you see her in her maternity swimsuit this week?
(Photo courtesy of people.com)

Tori in her maternity swimsuit

Let’s recap here:

She has a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, a 7-month-old

AND

She’s at least 5 months pregnant (probably more – I’m not so great at math.)

And she’s wearing THIS????

Where is her cellulite?
Stretch marks?
Terrible, ugly, painful varicose veins?
Where are her compression hose?

WHERE IS HER FREAKING MINIVAN?????

Has pregnancy done NOTHING to her body?

I don’t think I can be friends with someone walking around the pool looking like that. This is more of what I look for in a friend…

Oh – wait – Even Steven just told me to stop ranting.

He found this picture of me at the pool when I was pregnant with Simon – wearing my maternity bathing suit.

Anna in maternity bathing suit

I can’t believe I forgot about that.

Guess I shouldn’t have judged her so harshly… Maybe we can be friends after all.

50 comments on “Breaking Up with my {imaginary} BFF

  1. Anna, if you looked like that in a maternity suit, we wouldn’t be able to be friends either…LOL. That pic might be air brushed, but I’m starting to think there’s some sort of magical dust famous people sprinkle on themselves that removes any and all signs that they were ever pregnant. I have yet to see a picture of anyone famous that shows a stretch mark or the unsightly belly button sag I rock these days. Then again, at leas Tori’s suit would cover my belly button issue. Do you know where I could get one?

  2. You look better in that suit than Tori! But then, I’m sad to say Tori has NEVER been MY BFF!!!! I’m more a Grandma Walton BFF kinda gal. BWAHAHAHA! Love you, you nut!

  3. No, no no! That is so wrong on so many levels. This totally blows my theory that stars are just like us just more airbrushed.

    I’m picturing that suit on me when I was pregnant: I don’t think the top would have covered my huge nipples; the lace center bit would have been stretched to the point of tearing, not to mention it would have been moving all around from the constant alien movement of my belly; the strings on the side of the bottom would not be visible as they would have sunk 3 inches into the padding on my hips; and my fat, pale, veiny legs would have caused all passersby to vomit and promptly faint.

  4. Well the picture looks great but it is 100% photoshopped there is no other way. She had her babies close together you know the bod is looking tore up. But it’s a nice picture.

  5. I just took my girls bathing suit shopping with me this weekend…and I am not even pregnant. My butt kept popping out of the bottoms. I told the girls I would scare everyone at the beach. My youngest daughter told me to just fold my butt and push it back in. Ummm, yeah. That is not possible.

  6. This literally made me laugh out loud! Thank you for the laugh, it was much needed :)

  7. LOL! You are funny! Although I would not wear that (even if I looked like that), you have to admit she looks great (sigh). But she probably can’t eat pizza wearing that….just sayin’

  8. Nobody should look like that after having kids! Damn it!

    I don’t even look like the same person after 2 kids. By the way, they’re 16 and 11 so I can’t even use them as an excuse for the way I look!

    She must work out 12 hours a day and eat nothing. I love food way too much to do that!

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Lori
    Thrifty Decor Mom

  9. I am convinced that famous, rich people all have plastic surgeons at their beck and call, amazing personal trainers, and a personal chefs who cook and measure every single calorie they eat.

    If I had all that? I think I could look pretty kick-arse too. But I don’t. So I don’t. Sigh.

  10. LOL!!!! I mean, I totally have a suit JUST like that! Well, I did. It burst at the seams when I tried to wear it while prego. Oops.

    She’s pregnant and has a 7 month old????? Hell no.

  11. i saw her at an event recently and your bff has a lot of help to look like that. not hatin’, just sayin’….

  12. So, I’m kind of thinking the break-up was a good thing. Sad, yes, but upon close inspection of this photo, it is clear, of course, that the great TS is actually a robot. It’s better to distance yourself now, b/c she starts to go crazy and short out or something…

  13. I love Tori too! Their reality show is one of my faves. However – I’m only 3 1/2 months pregnant with my third child right now and I would NEVER wear (or want to subject onlookers to myself) in that sort of suit! Mine is very modest covering up the stretch marks baby #1 and #2 gave me. Not to mention the ones on my thighs still show?! With that being said, maybe they did a little bit of air brushing?? Who knows – I still love her though :)

  14. I’m not a math wizard, but I don’t even know how you can have a 7th month old and be 5 months pregnant at the same time. Isn’t that impossible?

  15. Not to sound all stalk-y and creepy, but for sure you and I could be BFF’s. Seriously.
    I saw the picture of Tori (she’s also my celebrity bff) in her bathing suit and she looks better pregnant than I do NOT pregnant. I have 3 kids, but I had mine farther apart and mine are 13, 10 and 6. So I could be the bff whose “been there, done that” with kids for you. :) I had my husband read your post and he said we sounded so much alike. Love the snarky humor and snappy comebacks. What I can’t handle, though, is your adult beverage of choice. I’ll have to introduce you to our Redneck Lemonade. It’s the way we survive here in Ga during the summer. Love the blog! I’ll be back!

  16. Oh my gosh! You are beyond funny. If you posted a picture of a very large woman scarfing down a turkey leg; that would be me during pregnancy. All we can hope for is to bounce back from the bodily disaster of pregnancy.

  17. This is hilarious! The first thing I thought when I saw the Tori pic was, where is her c-section scar? Her docs must’ve been better than mine! ;) She does rock that suit though!

  18. I LoVE tori! I do think that’s a little sexy for a pregnant mom of 3!! I wish her show was on more I miss her!

  19. Hehe you crack me up! I love Tori, but yeah…my body looks nothing like that after giving birth!

  20. This cracks me up! This photo has definitely been touched up slightly, so you wouldn’t see any skin imperfections. But jeez, I have 4 kids and have about 10 lbs for each kid still hanging stubbornly on. I’m pretty sure all celebrities go to drastic lengths to stay thin at all times. Except Jessica. She’s fo’real.

  21. I’d break up with her too. What’s up with looking that good and being pregnant with baby #4!!!

  22. hahaha…you are hilarious. I feel your pain. I look more pregnant than that and I’m not pregnant.

  23. When I saw this linked up to my link party, my mouth fell open…. is Tori for real? Uh’ I am sickened, its just nor fair ;( boo hoo to me! My first pregnancy I got everything you listed minus varicose veins, (do spider veins count) blah! I never thought I would get all the yuck from having kids, since I was so darn skinny before. Some woman have all the luck. None the less thanks for the great laugh. winks, jen

  24. Lets throw Heidi in there too! Her body is perfect after 4 kids!! I guess having house full of nannies gives you more time to take care of yourself! So jealous!

  25. this is hilarious! I totally agree…we would have to break up too..I mean seriously..that suit is so low..that baby could just fall out! Phwaaa!

  26. Ok, I was loling reading your post! That was great! You two must shop at the same boutique!

  27. I didn’t read through all the comments but has anyone pointed out the fact that she got pregnant a month after giving birth? That means she had sex a month after giving birth. Who agrees to that? There was no sticking anything down there for at least 6 months – and that is questionable.

    Great post – you are super funny!

    Ginger

  28. Yes life is not fair, even though I loss all of the prego weight my body never looked the same, or even came close to bouncing back like T.S. did.
    Your post was pretty funny, thanks for the laugh.

  29. Very Hilarious, you made me laugh… it’s very funny, and it’s true where are her marks for being a mom of 3 children and now going for number 4?. what a great body and yours too by the way hehehe.

  30. Hilarious! You’re a riot, Anna. Congrats to Tori for being this fit. I’m guessing her trainer really knows what he’s doing. If only you and I could get him to fly in for personal sessions, right?!

  31. H I L A R I O U S !!!

    I can’t believe that! She is so darned gorgeous! I have to admit my addiction to their show (I don’t even watch it regularly). But when they play them all day long and I’m available…..I WATCH like a freak!

  32. Hilarious! I couldn’t believe that swimsuit when I saw it either. I swear I still look pregnant and my youngest is 2 years old, lol.

  33. ok. she is like a bizillionaire……. she pays people to make her look like that– and feed her, and take care of her kids while she is working hard looking good.

    not sure if this is motivating and makes me want to work out more or eat more….hmmm

    http://www.plushiepatterns.com

  34. Yep! You did it again! You were the most viewed link by far last week at the Whatever Goes Wednesday party at somedaycrafts.blogspot.com. Featuring this hideous swimsuit today:)