25 Feb
We have a bit of a shoe situation around here…
Let’s Start with Alice.
I got her these most adorable boots from Zulily, and she has been super adorable wearing them all winter.
She loved them.
Until I accidentally ran over one of them with the minivan.
In my defense, she wasn’t wearing the boot at the time, but I ran over it nonetheless.
And it appears that the minivan permanently dented the heel part of the boot. And it hurts her SO MUCH when she wears them. Trust me – you can probably hear her crying from your house.
I tried to drive over it in the other direction to see if I could pop the dent out, but that didn’t even work a little bit. In fact, I think it made it worse.
Her boots are now retired.
Moving onto Miles…
I bought him these shoes in the fall, and we both loved them. They’re comfortable and “cool” and they were on crazy sale. Perfect.
Until Miles stepped in dog poop way back in October.
I cannot stand cleaning dog poop off of shoes. I can handle human poop on just about anything (and I have), but dog poop on shoes?
I would rather deliver another baby out my vasshole.
So I followed my instinct on this and left the shoe out on the patio for, oh… I’d say about four months.
Four months of rain, snow – and even a little sleet. Maybe some hail…
And would you believe that even rain, snow and sleet did nothing to get that dog poop off of that shoe?
Believe me – I was just as surprised as you are.
Two weeks ago, Miles begged me to please help him clean off his shoe. So I went outside with a big stick and Big Hairy Dog.
Between Big Hairy Dog eating what he could, and me digging the rest out with a stick, it wasn’t half bad.
Then I sprayed it with the hose.
And then I washed it in my washing machine. Which I don’t really want to talk about because I’m pretty sure that this means that I have dog feces on all of my clothes now and that’s too disgusting to even think about.
And then I tossed the shoe in the dryer, because I’m such a genius.
Now, I honestly am shocked that these shoes don’t fit him anymore.
And believe me, we have had several disagreements about whether or not they fit. I guess it’s possible that his feet have grown since September. I guess it’s also possible that four months outside during the winter followed by a spin in the washer and the dryer may have taken its toll on the shoes.
But – bottom line – Miles can’t wear them anymore. And so they are retired…
And now on to Simon.
There’s not a whole lot to say here, except that the only shoes Simon likes to wear are Alice’s princess heels.
Which is all fine for around the house, but it doesn’t work so well in public.
They slow him down at the playground, which is nice, but it’s also super hard to climb to the top of the slide with these things on.
But – hey – he’s the baby. And what the baby wants, the baby gets!
What about you – have you run over any of your kids’ shoes lately? Or shrunk them in the dryer? Do you have a little cross-dresser living in your house?
PS – My good friend Holly is an amazing photographer, and she’s taking new headshots of me for the new blog design (launching soon!) The photo shoot is this weekend, and Holly is so sweet to do this for me. Between my funky eye, (and my man hands), she has her work cut out for her.
I’d love to surprise her and get her some more likes on her Facebook page before Saturday. Will you help me? You can click here to see her on Facebook (or just click on the button below.) Thank you so much!
Omg! You are seriously too much! I can not help but get the giggles when I visit. You may be the only woman on the internet brave enough to tell the truth about leaving Mile’s shoe out that long. I’ve done the same thing for the same reason. I’m pretty sure the shoes froze solid and everything!
And running over her shoe to pop the dent out was classic!
I’m so glad you don’t have everything together, it’s like a breath of fresh air when I visit here!
“Lucy” recently posted..Scalamandre Zebra
I haven’t run over any – yet. My problem is with older ones buying their own, they never want to throw away the old ones – even though they will never wear them again. Which is a problem when you start accumulating a mountain of old stinky size 12′s. Once, just once I got angry and threw away what I thought was all old shoes. Next time I’ll pair them all up first because I threw away one shoe of a good pair.
Vanessa recently posted..Car Doors Should Remain Closed When You’re Driving
I laughed so hard and we actually have those princess shoes, because we own pretty much everything and anything princess around here!! That said, I am with you on cleaning dog poop and that is probably why we don’t have one. By the way, I liked your friend’s FB page!!
So then you drove over it the other way???? This is why I read your blog. You are hysterical.
I once stepped in dog crap on the walkway of my hairdresser’s. I didn’t know and happily marched right in and slid halfway across the floor and then walked all over the damned place. I couldn’t figure out why I slid but figured she must have just washed the floor. As I sat in the chair, I was like “did you dog go to the bathroom in here?” and I looked down and had my answer. She handed me the disinfectant and after I carried my shoe outside, I cleaned up every step I had made with the damned thing. It was a Keen sandal and I really didn’t want to throw it away but I sure didn’t want to clean it. It took a lot of spraying and stick work to get that thing clean. Did I mention this all took place as I was getting my hair cut before a bridal shower? Lots of fun.
sparkling74 recently posted..My Version of Chicken Shawarma
Ugh, dog poop is the worst. I, like you, refuse to clean it off. I just pray for rain and go from there. Also, now that I think about it, I’ve scrubbed human poop off shoes more than I’d like to admit. So that’s depressing.
Paige Kellerman recently posted..The Top Five Ways To Survive Being Snowed In With Small Children
Oh, yes, our shoes go through the ringer around here. My children seem to take pleasure in getting as much mud as humanly possible on their shoes.
thedoseofreality recently posted..Oh, Honey…No! (aka The 10 Dumbest Purchases Ever Found On Pinterest)
Either you *are* me or the shoe thing just might be a right of passage for mothers of 3. Ok, I’ve never driven over a shoe with the car (I once drove the minivan through the garage wall, but I’ll have to save that one for a response to a more appropriate blog). Ok, it was all child #3, hmmm…. I found a pair of Swiss Army shoes at a thrift store. They were awesome! And brand new! And $2.99! The first time out they met with squishy fall dog poop, and then they sat on the porch step all winter. Rain, snow, sleet, and later baking sun is what the shoes met with. I think the dog poop actually mummified itself onto the bottom! A big stick and a short terrier were both present during removal, and yes, they then went into the wash machine. I generally think of leather as extremely machine washable. Hey! It’s not like cows avoid the rain, and they had been in the rain, sleet and snow already. (I think I ran ableaching bleach water after; I had the same thought of dog feces on our clothes.) The shoes hurt #3′s feet. Which was amazing considering he walked around for his first two years as a walker wearing his sister’s dress-up Cinderella’s glass slippers.
Did you know you can clean dog poop off with Goo Gone? Works like a charm, my very poop terrified husband did it one afternoon. Although it may be a good idea to clean the shoes before leaving them outside in the snow for a few months.
)
Blech! Dog poop is the worst. That’s why I have 2 cats. At least they go in their potty box. I popped over to Holly’s Facebook page, left a message and ‘liked’ her. I told her I ‘know’ you….like that with the ‘….’ marks. Then I thought that sounded odd…..as in “I ‘know’ her…wink”…..doesn’t that sound, well, uh….you know. So I put in parenthesis (through her blog), to distinguish ‘knowing’ you in any other way. Whew. That was close.
How’s that book coming?
I got my two older a pair of boots each from Walmart to go with their Halloween costumes last fall. They loved those boots. Unfortunately, they were fabric instead of being even fake leather and they immediately wore through the outer layer of fabric. But they insisted on wearing them all the time still. By January, the holes had worn through all the layers and I could stick about 4 fingers in each hole. Luckily, the boys agreed the boots were dead at that point. Now my middle boy is back to wearing old boots two sizes too small.
I love the fact that you tried running over the shoe the other way. I can just picture that in my head now, ha. Maybe dry the dish washer next time?
Momchalant recently posted..The Noah DiaЯies – The Master Pooplan
I thought I was the only one who left shoes sitting out for months at a time to avoid cleaning them! In my case, it was a pair of muddy tennis shoes that I left soaking in a bucket of water on the hood of the truck that my hubby’s fixing up. They sat there the entire summer until I finally bought a new pair instead of dealing with them.
What I’d really like to know is how many shoes are at the bottom of our pond. I know of at *least* three pairs my own kids have pitched in there.
My problem is losing 1 shoe and having the other!!! It drives me nuts the amount of time i spend trying to locate the “other shoe”!!! Many of them fall into the vast black hole that is my mini van, because my 4yr old and my 9yr old love to take shoes off in the van! URG! But, yes I am also the one that will rather buy new shoes than clean ground in dog poop!!!
My 3 1/2 year old LOVES “up down shoes” – high heels. We don’t own any, but he lives for play dates with his little girlfriends and makes a bee-line for their princess shoes!
Sarah recently posted..Nosh a Hamentash!
I almost cried I laughed so hard at this. Reminds me of when I was a kid and jellies were like, the THING. Except back then no one cared when you said the plastic was hurting your feet because it was poorly molded and chafing your tootsies. They’re all cute shoes though, you have good taste! (and so does your baby!
KpMcD recently posted..Because… Monsters.
Oh, I can beat you. Yes. I. Can. The story is long and colorful, involves a Walmart Parking lot, a broken car, being stranded 25 miles from home (in the Walmart parking lot) in the town with the highest per capita drug overdose rate in the United States, and a massive, raging dust storm that lasted for HOURS and was so bad it caused the power to go out in the Walmart and the store to shut down.
So, my two sons (ages 9 and 2) are basically stranded due to car issues and waiting in the Walmart parking lot in a STINKY ARMPIT TOWN for dad to get off work and arrive to our rescue with a rental car. We are pummeled for multiple hours by the worst dust / wind / thunderstorm you have ever seen. The Walmart gets shut down due to power outage. During a break in the storm we walk to the Wendy’s restaurant to utilize the toilet. My boys go inside and I wait outside. My eldest rapidly returns, dragging little brother along with the worst look on his face. I mean, one glance and I knew something was VERY WRONG. He then furiously announces, “We stepped in *HIT! THERE IS *HIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR!”
Someone had defecated all over the bathroom floor!!! The lights were off when my boys entered and they stepped right into it. I look at my eldest son’s feet. His shoes are COVERED in CRAP! Immediately I tell him to (gingerly) remove the shoes. I capture them in a Walmart bag and abandon them in the parking lot. Little brother seems ok. Well, he seemed ok until moments later I realize I am still smelling *hit. Oh, my sweet little one was contaminated too! His shoes were also chunked too.
The easy solution here would be to Walmart and buy my boys new shoes. BUT NO! Walmart is SHUT DOWN due to the power outage following the dust storm from hell (which we sat through). We sit OUTSIDE for several hours, boys BAREFOOT, waiting. Finally, the Walmart reopens and we hobble in to purchase the boys new shoes.
Never have I felt such relief as when my husband pulled up with that rental car. I think this qualifies as THE WORST SHOE / WALMART EXPERIENCE EVER. Sorry to whoever thought they scored new shoes in the Walmart parking lot. Sorry!
Cross-dressing…well, my 2 1/2 year old son loves to be just like his big sister. Which includes wearing her princess shoes and tutus. He’ll put them on when she’s not around too. A few weekends ago, we were at my SIL’s and she set all 3 of the little girl cousins up with a tea party with a stipulation that they had to put on something from the dress-up bin to be invited. My little guy heard that and hightailed it out of the room only to come back a few minutes later wearing a pink tutu, high heels, and a tiara. He then sat down at the table and calmly waited for his tea to be served. My brothers-in-law were appalled and I thought it was hilarious
Hannah @Supermommy!…Or Not. recently posted..Tongue Tied
Dog poop. Yep. I have a pair of shoes (converse) from my oldest daughter. They are sitting (rotting?) in a bag in the basement after they had a run-in with a hot pile of the disgusting stuff. There really wasn’t much on there, but they went directly into a ziploc bag until the day that either: 1. the poop magically disintegrated off of them, or 2. I decided to clean them off for one of my other daughters to wear. Guess what? They are still down there.
And why wouldn’t he want to wear those princess shoes? They are blue after all and I’m sure they make the coolest clunking noises.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..20 things your toddler wants you to know
Dog poop is the worst. I’m glad I’m not the only one who ignores poop-encrusted clothing items for weeks on end.
Amy recently posted..Creepy Baby’s Oscars Special
Dog poop isn’t that bad if you know how to handle it. I just hop one footed outside and then find a nice grassy spot to do the running man for a couple minutes until all the poop is off my shoe. If you scrape it just right, it will all come right off.